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The following information was found at www.coping.org! It's a fantastic site and I highly recommend you go there to see it all for yourself. You may
find some very useful information!
Tools for Personal Growth
Handling Fear of Success (Info found at www.coping.org source page: click here)
What is fear of success?
-
Suppressing anxieties of not being good enough.
-
Uniting all talents & virtues for a greater
good
-
Confronting & dismissing existing fears in an appropriate manner.
-
Recognizing & welcoming the chance to triumph over competition without feeling unworthy or undeserving
-
Expressing views & opinions without hesitation.
-
Setting sights on a goal & achieving it with both sacrifices & rewards.
-
These make up the rough climb, the seemingly
impossible steps that if completed always lead straight
to success, rewarding those who persevere.
Melissa M. Messina
What are the negative consequences of the fear of success?
Fear of success can result in:
-
A lack of effort to
achieve goals you have set for yourself in school, on the job, at home, in relationships, or in your personal growth.
-
Self-destructive behavior: tripping yourself up to make sure you don't sustain a certain level of success or achievement
you once had in school, on the job, at home, in relationships, or in your personal growth.
-
Problems making decisions,
being unable to solve problems.
-
Losing the motivation or the desire to grow, achieve and succeed.
-
Chronic underachievement.
-
Feeling guilt, confusion and anxiety when you do achieve success. This leads you to falter, waver and eventually lose your momentum.
-
Sabotaging
any gains you made in your personal growth and mental health, because once you become healthier, a better problem solver and
more "together," you fear that no one will pay attention to you. You are habituated to receiving help, sympathy and compassionate support.
-
Your choosing
to do just the opposite of what you need to do to be happy, healthy and successful.
-
Reinforcing your
chronic negativity, chronic pessimism and chronic lack of achievement since you can't, visualize yourself in a contented, successful life.
-
Denouncing your achievements
and accomplishments; seeking ways in which you can denigrate yourself enough to lose what you've gained.
What do those who fear success believe?
-
I
have worked so hard to get this far, yet I need to keep on working hard; I'm not sure the effort is worth it.
-
I
know people care about me when I am down and out, but will they like me when I am on top and successful?
-
I've
never been happy before, so how can I be sure I'll be happy once I achieve my goals?
-
I
am nothing and I deserve nothing.
-
How
can people like me if I succeed in reaching my goals in life?
-
I
can't sustain the momentum I would need to achieve my goals.
-
How
can I be sure that my good fortunes won't go sour and be destroyed?
-
There
are always more demands and more needs that have to be met in order for me to be successful, no matter what I do it will never
be enough.
-
They
are all better, brighter, smarter and more talented than I am. I really don't deserve to be successful.
-
It's
hard to be at the top!
-
Everyone
is out to shoot down the head man!
-
No
one really likes a winner.
-
Everyone
goes for the underdog.
-
I
am happiest when I am under pressure and challenged.
-
Hard
work, no play and constant effort make me happy. What would I do if it were different?
-
I
feel so guilty when I realize how much I have been given in my life.
-
I'm
always afraid I'm going to lose it all.
- Starting over
again gives me meaning and a sense of mission and purpose.
-
I'm
so bored with what I've accomplished. What's left to do?
-
Everyone has the right to
fail in life and I have the right to choose to fail if I want to.
What new behavior patterns can help in overcoming your fear of success?
- Learning to reinforce yourself
for the hard work, effort and sacrifices you've made to achieve success
- Being able to honestly appraise your level of achievement, success and accomplishment
- Accepting yourself as being healthy, "together," happy, successful, prosperous and accomplished
- Not giving yourself any excuses for being unsuccessful
- Giving others in your life permission to give you honest, open, candid feedback when they see you self-destructing or backsliding
- Monitoring your level of commitment and motivation to reach your goals
- Visualizing
your life when you are successful
- Giving others credit, recognition and support for their personal achievements, successes and
accomplishments
- Honest, open, realistic self-talk that encourages you to work your hardest to achieve the goals you have set for yourself
Accepting the compliments and recognition of others with an open heart and mind
Steps to overcoming fear of success
Step 1: You first need to identify the fear of success in your life. To do this, answer questions "a'' through "j'' in your journal
for each of the following 12 areas:
- at school
- on the job
- with family
- in marriage
- in relationships
- with friends
- in your career
- in your emotional life
- in your hobbies
- in sports
- in your physical health
- in your spiritual life
a. What
do I think will happen if I achieve success here?
b. What
would success in this area of my life look like?
c. In
what ways do I feel undeserving of success here?
d. Who
am I afraid of hurting or intimidating if I achieve success here?
e. What
do I think is lacking to keep me from sustaining success in this area?
f. What
are my biggest concerns about succeeding in this area?
g. Who
do I believe is more deserving of the success I have or will achieve here?
h. How
motivated am I in the struggle for success in this area?
i. In
what ways do I think that once I achieve success here that I will lose focus or direction in other areas of
my life?
j. In
what ways do I think that I'll be unsatisfied or feel unworthy if I achieve success in this area?
Step 2: Once you have completed Step 1, answer the following questions for the same 12
areas:
a. What
evidence is there that I haven't sustained enough effort to achieve my goals in this area?
b. What
are my long range goals for this area?
c.
In what ways do I self-destruct achievement and success here?
d. How
much of a problem do I have in making decisions here?
e. In
what ways has my motivation been diminished in this area?
f. In
what ways have I been an underachiever in this area?
g. Have
I ever felt guilt, confusion or anxiety when I did achieve a level of success
here?
h. Have
I ever feared losing people's attention, sympathy, or concern if I achieved success here?
i. Have
I ever chosen just the opposite of what I needed to be successful in this area?
j. Have
I ever put myself down for achieving success in this area?
Step 3: After looking at the negative consequences of the fear of success in each areas of life, identify the beliefs that lead you to fearr success. Once you identify the beliefs for each area, refute them if they are irrational and replace them with rational beliefs. If your beliefs are negative self-scripts, replace them with positive self-affirming scripts. Use the Tools for Coping tools to assist in this.
Step 4: After you have identified your irrational beliefs and replaced them with rational beliefs and self-affirming scripts, identify what new behavior you need to develop in each of the 12 areas. Answer the following questions in your journal:
a. How
can I improve the ways in which I reinforce myself?
b. How
can I make a more honest appraisal of my accomplishments?
c. How
can I accept myself as being successful?
d. How
can I eliminate all excuses for being unsuccessful?
e. Who
needs to have permission to give me honest feedback when they see me self-destructing?
f. How
can I monitor my level of commitment and motivation to succeed?
g. How
can I improve the ways I visualize what it will be like when I achieve my goals?
h. How
can I improve the ways in which I offer others reinforcement and praise for their individual success
and achievements?
i. How
can I improve my self-talk to assist me in achieving my goals?
j. How
can I learn to accept the compliments and recognition of others for my success?
Step 5: Once you identify the behavior traits you need to develop in your life, make a commitment to accomplish this. If you continue to have a fear of success, however, return to Step 1 and begin again.
 The information above was found at www.coping.org! It's a fantastic site and I highly recommend you go there to see it all for yourself. You may
find some very useful information!
 Success Begins With Thinking You Are
By Herm Allen
Whatever it is that you wish to achieve, be it at work or in your personal life the
key to actually succeeding is believing in yourself and your ability to accomplish whatever it is you want to do.
Thinking success leads to success. Everything that happens around us
is dependant on how we think and what we think. Learning how to think positively is the key to learning how to think successfully and once you start to think successfully you have the power to change almost any aspect of your life.
Remember, “As a man thinketh, so is he.”
Every thought we have shapes our lives and determines,
to an extent, the outcome of each situation. If we go into something thinking negatively then the outcome will be so different than had we gone into the same situation thinking more positively.
The way we think and talk to ourselves determines how we go into a situation and simply by changing the way we think can change the outcome of that situation. When we fail in a situation this is largely down to our self-limiting thoughts and negative thoughts that we allow to creep in and bring us to feel that we cannot possibly succeed.
In order to change our circumstances or the outcome of a situation we have to change the way our brain thinks, which then changes our outlook which, in turn, alters the situation into a more positive one.
Success is not something that can only be gained by a very few individuals
who hold a magical key that others don’t posses. The power to be a success is in us all we just have to realize this and learn how to alter our way
of thinking to genuinely believe that we are able to achieve and be successful in whatever we do.
When we start to alter our way of thinking into a more positive approach to situations and tasks, we will gradually begin to shape our lives in the way we want it to go. One excellent way
to begin changing our pattern of thought is to use daily affirmations.
These are simply statements which are tailored for any particular situation or task
which are repeated throughout the day either out loud or quietly to yourself. They help to retrain your brain and your way
of thinking into a new more positive approach to life.
Basically, the only thing stopping you from being a success in whatever you do is you or to be more precise, your thoughts. Negative thoughts lead to negativity and positive thoughts lead you right down the pathway to success and beyond. In short, think like a success and there is no doubt that you will be a success in any aspect of your life.
Author's Bio
Herm Allen is a speaker / trainer
/ coach residing in Clemson, SC. He has worked with students and adults for over 15 years as a student development coordinator,
career counselor, tutor coordinator and academic advisor. Herm has also taught career and study skills courses at the college
level. He can be reached at herm@hermallencoaching.net.
Visit his website at www.hermallencoaching.net. ©2007 Herm Allen
source site: click here
Top 10 Ways To Be A Success
By
Dr. Nicole Cutts, Success Coach & Clinical Psychologist
What’s Holding You Back?
Are you ever frustrated or overwhelmed because you don't know what you want out of life or because you do know but feel like you can't achieve it?
If you could accomplish anything you wanted in life, what would it be? What defines your Vision of Success?
What can YOU do to achieve this Vision for your life? Are you doing these things? (If not,
why not?)
Successful women and men who
have attained great heights doing their life’s work have used the 10 techniques below.
Step
1 - Find & Clarify Your Vision of Success: If you don’t yet know what you want
to achieve that’s okay. There are ways to find out. Ask yourself what you are good at, what you enjoy doing, and what
you would be doing if money were no object. Write out an ideal scenario of you having and doing what you dream of.
Step 2 - Define your Goals Clearly:
From your ideal scenario of your Vision of Success identify
concrete goals. Define them clearly and write them down. Writing your goals down is very important and gives them more power than just thinking or imagining your success.
Step 3 - Visualize Yourself
Achieving Your Goals: Before setting off on the path to success you must first be able to see yourself achieving your success. You must believe that you can do it. Your imagination is a powerful creative tool. Once we can vividly imagine something, it often opens the door to manifesting it (Gawain, 1997).
Step 4 - Uncover
Psychological Blocks to Success: If you have difficulty with steps one and two you may have
internal obstacles preventing you from having or keeping what you want. On some level you may feel undeserving of success and happiness and this may be reflected in a lack of achievement.
To uncover these obstacles ask yourself how you truly feel about having what you desire. Is there any guilt attached to this?
One way to uncover any blocks here is to write down why you deserve to be successful.
This can reveal any feelings to the contrary. Examine where your attitudes about success came from. Write out all you fears and fantasies associated with being successful.
Step
5 - Remove Psychological Blocks to Success: Often just the awareness of negative attitudes and beliefs about success begins the process of letting them go. You can't force change, but there are different tools and techniques that may be helpful. Some of these include:
Step 6 - Make a Clear Plan With a Timeline:
Consider creating a plan that breaks your goals down into 5-year goals, 1-year goals, 6-months, 3-months and 1-month achievements. After completing this plan you can do weekly goals that will put you on schedule for all of the other goal milestones. Be realistic here so you don’t get discouraged.
Step 7- Chart your Progress: It is important to assess your progress at regular intervals. Pick a day once a week or once a month, read your plan and see if you are on schedule. Reward yourself for achieving milestones.
If you need to adjust your plan be realistic and do so. Also, be honest with yourself. Visions and goals can change. If you find that you no longer really want this Vision do not be afraid to change your plan.
Step 8 - Enjoy Your Success! Once you have achieved
your goals and your Vision of Success it is very important to acknowledge this. Reward yourself, give yourself credit and allow yourself to feel the attendant good feelings. Don’t just rush off to your next goal as if you take your success for granted.
Step 9 - Cultivate
Gratitude: Having gratitude is important once you achieve your visions. Literally "count your blessings," give thanks, allow yourself to enjoy them, and relish the
experience of the success you already have. This increases success
by attracting more of what you currently possess. One simple way to do this is to write a gratitude list (listing everything that you feel grateful for).
Step 10 - Give it Away: Out-flowing (giving away our material gifts and talents) makes room for more to flow to us. When out of
feelings of fear or insecurity, we cling to what we have, we cut this flow off. You must not only express gratitude for achieving success, you must share this success with
others. Share your resources, time and talents. You are also giving it away when you tell your story to others so that they
might be encouraged.
To learn more about these ten techniques or other aspects of Success Coaching visit Dr. Cutts' website - link below - and sign up for a complimentary Success Coaching session.
Author's Bio: Nicole Cutts, Ph.D. Leading
Success Coach Expert specializes in Transforming People and Organizations for Success. Visit her website click here and sign-up for the FREE innovative and forward-thinking
Tips-for-Success newsletter, “Vision for Success.”
For over 10 years Nicole Cutts, Ph.D., licensed Clinical
Psychologist and Success Coach, has been inspiring and empowering people to achieve a more balanced and successful lifestyle.
Dr. Cutts’ Success Coaching helps people create an exceptional life by honoring their mind, body, and soul so they can
experience joy, passion, meaning, and ultimate success in their work.
As a Success Coach and Corporate Trainer Dr.
Cutts has coached and trained executives, managers, and teams at Fortune 500 Companies, Federal Government Agencies, and Non-Profit
Organizations.
source site: selfgrowth.com
I'm searching for more information concerning
mental blocks or psychological blocks that may be of some
help to those experiencing this frustrating situation. Below is a very simple look at the psychological block. I'll be posting
more info shortly!
The Psychological Block
Hanor A. Webb
Teachers meet the psychological
block very often indeed. They find these blocks appearing in the mental attitudes of their students, their patrons - and themselves. Teachers need to learn how these blocks may be passed over, under, around,
and through.
A psychological block may
be compared to a paper wall painted in imitation of bricks. Standing in front of it, one becomes wholly stopped in progress.
Pushing bravely against it, one finds the impedance no hindrance at all!
What are some of the bafflements
that every teacher meets, in which the obstruction is psychological. Consider those of students first, "I just can't learn
arithmetic!" is a frequent wail. "I'm a poor speller and I always will be!" is another. In the olden days repeaters in high
school usually failed in their Latin - "Impossible for me!"
Even in matters of social experiences there is the shy student who suffers
because, "I just can't make friends! Nobody wants me to join their fun!"
How may psychological blocks of students be met? Three steps are the more
obvious:
- Study the obstruction scientifically. Learn to recognize symptoms of a
block, especially the emotional aspects. A fine example of this type of study is found in the Reading Clinic, where the physical
and the psychological handicaps are identified so clearly for study.
- Work out remedies that meet most of the problem, or all of it, directly
and repeatedly. These may be mostly practice techniques. Again the Reading and Writing Clinic, with its cards and sand
boards, have devised effective treatments.
- Develop the bravery of victory! The self confidence that comes with a triumph
over a handicap will give strength to meet future blocks.
The expert psychological counselor usually is given only the extreme cases.
For lesser difficulties of this nature the problem of treatment is the teacher's own. Even with these - major or minor - the
suggested sequence of treatments should be followed.
- Study the student to identify his obstacle.
- Work out individual practices.
- Give ample praise for progress.
All of this is excellent
psychology. Good teachers have worked this way always and everywhere, unless handicapped by excessively large classes or very
scanty learning materials. They have dislodged the dread of mathematics by clever exercises. They have made expressive writers
out of poor spellers.
Social misfits have become
acceptable to the present group, and leaders in later groups. Brick walls have proved to be painted paper when a teacher pushed
the youngster through. The next wall he may tear himself!
What are some psychological blocks of our own - we who are presumably
poised and experienced teachers? One may be this, "I can't maintain order! Good disciplinarians are born and
I'm not one of them!" Too many grade teachers say, "I simply cannot teach any science - all science is beyond me!"
These are but two of many blocks we recognize in ourselves and in our colleagues.
As teachers we must usually be our own counselors in respect to our own
psychological blocks. Of course, a wise and tactful supervisor, or older teacher may be very helpful. As a rule, however, we should follow the same three steps suggested
for our students:
- Study our impediment with candor.
- Work out and test some practice techniques that involve
facing the problem and pushing through.
- Build up our pride and confidence as strength to face another
obstacle.
Poor disciplinarians should
study the methods of good ones, and realize that class control is almost wholly psychological, not physical. Grade teachers
should study the ninth grade science texts for background, then actually perform, with the class, the simple experiments described
in the elementary science texts, and monthly issues of Grade Teacher and Instructor. There are no real barriers to science
instruction in the grades, just psychological ones.
The psychological blocks that
teachers fail to break may have serious consequences in our future society. Children who never learn to read rapidly
may be civic illiterates in future voting. Those who receive no science in school may later oppose community programs
for health, sanitation and conservation. An unreasonable fear of physics has almost emptied the high school classes in
that subject, while the Nation's need for physicists was never greater nor their pay so high.
In no aspect of life, therefore,
has the maxim "a stitch in time saves nine" more meaning than in the early identification, treatment and removal of psychological
blocks. As a matter of social economy teachers ought to be given all the training and facilities they need to work out these
problems. When psychology works against the interests of society the penalties are heavy; when psychology works for these
interests the rewards are great.
Hanor A. Webb, Professor Emeritus, Peabody College for Teachers
Winning Through Giving - How to Use the Power of Giving to Create a Successful and Happy Marriage
By Bruce Painter
3 Tips for a Great Marriage
Tip 1 - Have a higher purpose for being together.
As a married couple, get together
for a higher purpose. This means that you come together to contribute towards making a better world. This can be anything
from working together to grow a business that greatly benefits others, to raising responsible and contributing children, to doing volunteer work that helps improve the lives of animals.
When a couple has a purpose
to be together of a highly contributing nature, they are occupied with something of such great importance - the conflict and drama that typically occupies many marriages is less likely to take root.
This means that you can create
a solid foundation for a lasting marriage. The romance, sex and enjoyment in a marriage can be wonderful. But, marriage partners
typically have many challenges to work through to keep the marriage together. Having a higher purpose of contributing together can create a very strong marriage bond.
Tip 2 - Both husband and wife give freely to each other.
Many people upon getting married
think that they can get what they want from their spouse and don't need to give much back. This is an attitude that is very likely to create failure in the marriage.
A vital key to a successful and winning marriage is for each partner to be willing to give wholeheartedly to their spouse. When both partners give freely to each other, the acts of giving and receiving can grow perpetually, replenishing and nurturing the couple as well as the people in their lives.
Tip 3 - Keep growing and learning.
Many individuals in marriage
get too comfortable and they become stagnant. They do not grow and learn. This can cause them to grow apart because no growth equals no life.
A relationship with no life is empty.
It is incredibly beneficial
for both husband and wife to read, take courses, and continually get better and better in their lives. Then each partner will
have lots to talk about and will be interesting to each other.
Success Is Yours – Take It!
By SuccessClinic
I know that you want to be more successful in life
and business. Everyone does. But what do most people do about it? Nothing. They sit back and take whatever they can get -
which is usually nothing. They go to work at jobs they hate to bring in "money" – but have you ever noticed it's never
really enough? There always seems to be more "month" left at the end of the "money."
And
just about every person I've ever talked to would like to have more skills and success
when it comes to owning their own business. But here's the interesting part: Most people won't go out and learn how to be
successful in life and business. They just won't do it.
It's as if they had someone say to them when they were young: "You're a loser if you have to learn how to be
successful " or "If you're not satisfied with working hard and struggling, then there's something wrong with you." Well I'm here to tell you that these ideas are
donkey dust!
You weren't born knowing other skills like how to walk, how to speak
English, or how to drive a car. These are basic skills that you learned when you needed them. Success in life and business is just another skill, and anyone can learn it if they
want to.
For years, I was sick and tired of not being the successful,
happy person I knew I could be. I was working at boring, mindless jobs that robbed me of my life and my happiness. I couldn't stand the idea that I was going to spend the rest of my life not being the person I knew I was supposed to be.
I went on a personal mission, and spent years reading and studying all of the books, tapes, and
seminars on how to be successful with women and relationships. But the frustrating part was that most of what I learned was wrong - most of it simply didn't work when I tried it!
Have you ever looked at some of the 'success' books that are out there? Those books
would be great - Except the don’t tell you how to get out of your own way!
All most
books talk about is what to do after you're already successful. They don't tell you
anything about how to get your foot off the brake to allow yourself to succeed in the first
place. These books only work if you've already been pretty successful - they do almost
nothing to teach you how to let yourself succeed in the first place!
Even worse, there are books out there that teach you to just "improve your attitude" and "think positive" – and you're sitting there going, "But I'm not letting myself succeed – how
on Earth do you expect me to have a positive attitude?!"
The sad truth is that most people give up and never have the kind of success that they want in
life or business - they give up and settle for a life that isn't what they really want - or worse - they settle for no life
at all. It doesn’t have to be this way!
Author's
Bio: On the night of October 20, 1997, a 30-year-old
religious studies major named Noah St. John had an epiphany that changed his life. While attending a seminar, he suddenly
realized the real, hidden reason so many smart, talented, motivated people stop themselves from success – and saw it
had nothing to do with goal-setting, "motivation" or anything being taught in traditional success literature. That very night,
with no formal education in business, Noah decided to form a company to teach people around the world the simple steps that
remove the hidden barriers to success. Find out more at www.successclinic.com.
source site: click here
Five Characteristics of America's
Most Successful Entrepreneur
By Steve Tobak February 24th, 2009 @ 4:46 pm
Andy Bechtolsheim
is perhaps the most successful entrepreneur in America. He cofounded Sun Microsystems, invented the
workstation, was Google’s first investor (now worth about $1 Billion),
and founded or funded a laundry list of successful companies. He was also a VP at
Cisco for 7 years. We can all learn a lot from this brilliant, American icon, so I compiled:
Five Characteristics
of America’s Most Successful Entrepreneur:
He
acts on his own instincts. He doesn’t over-think, which can lead to analysis paralysis. According
to Google founder Sergey Brin:
“We
met him [Andy] … on the porch of a Stanford faculty member’s home in Palo Alto. We gave him a
quick demo. He had to run off somewhere, so he said, instead of us discussing all the details, why don’t I just write
you a check? It was made out to Google Inc. and was for $100,000.”
He
gets the importance of being lean and mean. Big company experience at Sun and Cisco have not corrupted
his entrepreneurial DNA. According to the NY Times, Bechtolsheim’s latest venture - Arista Networks - had fewer than 50 employees and no CEO when it began shipping systems.
“One
mistake a lot of start-ups make with the encouragement of venture capitalists is to hire the whole management team upfront,” said Mr. Bechtolsheim. “You have a lot
of people twiddling their thumbs and spending money.”
He
may be a technogeek, but he’s also an opportunistic businessman.
“I’m
always driven by opportunities. We started Sun around the workstation opportunity (from) the work I did at
Stanford … Then Sun evolved into a server company, which was another
great opportunity … In 1995, I saw an opportunity around [gigabit] networking … so I left Sun to pursue that.
I ended up being acquired by Cisco for a lot of money.”
He’s
still humble and customer-centric, in spite of his success. Zack Urlocker observed Bechtolsheim at a customer briefing:
“[Andy]
was in the middle of explaining on the white board some of Sun’s plans … Andy was very patient in explaining it and showing how Sun is disrupting the market. Not in an arrogant way, but in a matter-of-fact, humble “this is the reason I am on the planet” kind of way. Needless to say the customer was impressed. Andy is definitely
one of Sun’s secret weapons.”
He
inspires and attracts high-quality executive talent. According to CEO of Arista Networks and former Cisco Sr. VP, Jayshree Ullal:
“After
corporate life and managing multibillion dollars of business at Cisco Systems, you might ask why I chose Arista Networks?
Working with Andy Bechtolsheim, and our long-standing 20+ year professional kinship.”
I met
Andy in 2003 when I was head of marketing for chip technology company Rambus. We needed a big name to keynote
a conference and our Cisco sales guy somehow managed to sign up Bechtolsheim. I think the one word that best sums up Andy is insightful - he sees things that others miss.
According
to technology evangelist Jeremy Geelan’s “Is The Rise of Google The End of the
Game for Everyone Else?”
Bechtolsheim was once asked “So
is the game over?”
I have never forgotten his reply: “Only
if no one changes the game.”
That about says it all.
source site: click here
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“Success is what you get from doing what
you are doing to get it.”
~ The author ~
By now most of us realize we have moved into total overload - too
much to know and do and too little time to get it all done. One special area of overload with great interest to me concerns
the topic of “success.”
A Google I-net search on this topic is nearly up to 400,000,000 ‘hits.’
If a person wants to learn how to be more successful and tries consuming all the helpful
information about success now available on-line and in the book stores, how many lifetimes
would it take a person to click, read and apply? I can’t begin to imagine. What I
do know from studying and experiencing the topic of success for over 40 years now,
is my inevitable conclusion that success is an entire belief system way beyond smart principles, beneficial habits, solid truths and clever secrets. And without the necessary belief system in place, all the best principles, habits, truths and secrets are just unapplied abstract ideas. The real problem today is the huge
gap between the belief systems of the success gurus who have built up them up over decades of study and experience and
those of ordinary folks who are trying to make this popular transition from successful surviving
of life’s everyday challenges to successful thriving into their unlimited potential. And trying to communicate what needs to be communicated, which will close this gap, is a serious problem that is getting drowned in the overload. The real task of trying to teach success to others is that you
are really trying to convince the person to give up an entire belief system that may have given the person just enough successes to keep it going.
Nobody is going to surrender a belief system until they are on their death bed. And even when a person gets uncomfortable enough with facing and owning the failures of their current belief system and are ready to hear about a new one, communicating the belief system and proving that it works, is a monumental challenge.
An important paradox in human nature is the one that leads us to quickly embrace
a belief system about something with minimal evidence, but resist giving up a current belief system already in place, despite compelling evidence and reasons to do so. Such a paradox seems to be getting in the way of dealing
with the current overload and transition from surviving to thriving.
Let’s start
with a definition of success that doesn’t limit what it can mean:
Success = “What you get from what you are doing to get it.”
Now this obviously opens the door to what exactly “it” is. Possibilities
can be anything from money, material comforts, power, influence, recognition, happiness, contentment and wisdom; to self-actualization, peace of mind, spiritual enlightenment, wholeness, a sense of significance in making a difference, or leaving a legacy. (or all
of these things if you are really greedy!) Obviously how you define “it” determines what belief system, choices and actions you implement to get more of it.
At this point in my own life,
there are certain transformations going on with parts of my belief system which appear to be highly related to success as I choose to define it:
My definition of success: “Using my talents to leave each situation I come
into a little better than when I first became part of it.”
Here are some important shifts that are taking place within me, helping me to upgrade my whole belief system to be more successful, as I define it.
1. Gradually replacing a win-lose mentality with a win-win one.
2.
Believing more in the value of intrinsic motivation than extrinsic - doing something because it simply feels good and right to do, rather than what beneficial consequences I
might get from it.
3. Putting back together the
many things I took apart in my mind to understand them better - reconciling “opposites” which are often just two different sides of the same coin. This process
starts by questioning the extreme polarizations our dualistic minds artificially categorize things into - right or wrong,
good or bad, true or false, useful or useless, etc.
4. Learning
to fit in first and then gradually changing what I am fitting into, for the better, from inside out.
5. Removing the safe space between the reacting observer part of me and the pro-active participating part in fixing broken realities and creating better
ones.
6. Giving up personal desire for future personal gain, and replacing it with knowing my pure purpose in doing something and feeling
successful in carrying out that purpose now.
7. Paying
more attention to my feelings - how they interact with my thoughts, beliefs, choices and results and how that sequence can better occur to be more successful in carrying
out my purpose with my God-given talents.
8. Sorting
through the mountains of overload and doing what I can to simplify and use time smarter to get more done that matters most.
If you are not completely satisfied with your current sense of success, then I suggest the following:
Author's Bio: William Cottringer, Ph.D. is President of Puget Sound Security in Bellevue,
WA.,along with being a Sport Psychologist, Business Success Coach, Photographer and Writer. He is author of several business
and self-development books, including:
You Can Have Your Cheese & Eat It Too (Executive Excellence)
The Bow-Wow Secrets (Wisdom
Tree)
Do What Matters Most and “P” Point Management
(Atlantic Book Publishers).
This article is part of his new book Reality Repair
Rx coming soon. Bill can be reached for comments or questions at (425) 454-5011 or bcottringer@pssp.net
source site: click here
Why Being Single Leads to a Successful Remarriage
I love this site that this article comes from! Check it out by clicking on the
link below: The community!
If you're divorced you've probably heard the phrase, "You'll move on" so much that you're about ready to strangle
the next person who says it. Somehow people seem to think it's a consoling phrase. Personally, I'm not so sure. The problem with it is that it doesn't mean anything. Moving on sounds
good, but what does that mean? How do you know when you've done it? What's involved in doing it? I'd like to suggest, instead
something a little more practical in the way of advice.
Rather than "move on",
I'd like to suggest that you aim for becoming comfortable with being single. When first divorced, you may be really uncomfortable about doing things like going to a movie eating out
alone. Depending on when you got married, you may never have done those things before. You may have gone straight from
mom & dad's house to your married home. Doing things alone may be completely foreign to you. Fears of what people will
think about you doing "couple" activities solo will creep in and make you uncomfortable.
You know you've "moved
on" when you stop worrying what other people think. In fact, you may have discovered you enjoy doing those things solo. It costs less and you don't have to have conversations
with anyone if you don't want to. Now is the time to learn how to enjoy time by yourself instead of needing constant companionship. A sense of calm and comfort in who you are is now present.
Finally, another
great way to know you've achieved this "moving on" is when you aren't constantly on the "prowl" to find a date because you
don't want to be alone. Being by yourself on a Saturday is no longer the worst thing you can think of. In fact, you may find yourself looking forward to having some downtime while the kids are at their other parent's house.
You have your own plans now - plans that you enjoy. Some of those plans will include other people, but they don't HAVE to
due to discomfort of being alone.
Depending on how long
it's been since the divorce, this may seem like a place you'll never be able to reach. I encourage you to hold your chin up high and prove to yourself just how strong you are - what you are capable
of on your own.
Believe it or not,
being comfortable with being single is an essential step toward remarriage success. Research
shows over and over again that people who choose to be in a remarriage in order to compliment the lives they've already established
are much more successful than those that rush into one to feel complete.
Does the idea of learning from other divorced and remarried parents sound appealing to you? Well, come on in
to The Community then! We exist as a place where parents can ask questions and offer support to one another.
How to Achieve Success With The Character Traits
You Already Have
by Allan J. Katz
The bottom line is that to be successful in business and in
life you’ll need to cultivate a sense of balance in your life. Choose to do work you love, delegate the rest. Find time
each day to sit quietly with yourself and enjoy the tranquility of not having to think about anything but yourself, as difficult
as that might be for you to face. Be decisive by trusting your own intuition while balancing the advise you seek from professionals
who can hold you accountable.
Most of all, let go of the notion that you have to be perfect.
Richard Dennis,
a super successful futures trader once said, It’s amazing how rich you can get without being perfect.” I’ve
often contemplated the dilemma of producing perfect work, work that meets the expectations of the client and the cruel alternative,
less than perfect work. It can be counter-productive when you’re continually expecting perfection.
In a blog
post, Internet marketing System Seminar founder, Ken McCarthy, in a muse on perfection noted “the perfectionist will
resist and reject what IS – simply because it can never measure up to his imagined goal of what SHOULD BE.”
I
once made a sales presentation to a potential client. In my zeal to impress them with my marketing genius, I gave (stress
the word gave) them five concrete suggestions on how to expand their sales lagging business. Among them: survey 100 of your
best customers and find out why they haven’t been doing business with you lately. Call 10 of your best customers and
ask them what type of new merchandising they’d like to see to make them patronize you once again. Spend more money on
getting current customers to buy more often instead of trying to get new customers. All of these suggestions, each with a
potential to generate tens, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars, was met with disdain. “I don’t like to be
called at home so I’m sure my best customers won’t like it either.” I’d rather see my name in the
newspaper ad which costs me a fortune each week, than spend a tenth of the money to encourage regular customers to shop more
often.”
OBSESSION OR ADDICTION TO WORK?
Many entrepreneurs obsess over little things that might require effort
because it is too hard to make it or do it perfectly. So they rationalize and convince themselves that it wouldn’t work
in the first place, especially when I have to pay this consultant
$500 to tell me something I already know but don’t
want to do. Even if it could generate tens of thousands more dollars.
Successful entrepreneurs learn to face their
fear and channel it into action, even if it’s not perfect, because as General Patton said, “A good plan, violently
executed now is better than a perfect plan next week.” And Adminiral Gorshkov, father of the modern Russian Navy, “Better
is the enemy of good enough.”
When we think of fear we imagine petty annoyances when we were younger. Like the
fear of spiders or dark places or heights. Being in a tall building on top of the observation deck and looking straight down
at the tiny cars and specks of human below. That’s scary.
Because we imagine what it would be like if we were
falling down, pulled by the enormous force of gravity, toward the concrete slab we call earth. Plop. Dead.
Its easy
to tell this story because it never happened, at least not to me. But we’ve all seen scenes in the movies where the
villain is held out a window, by his two feet, dangling, screaming for his life to be spared, knowing full well if the other
persona let’s go, he’ll be toast, or at most a pancake.
REVEALING OUR TRUE SELVES
Revealing our true
selves is a lot more difficult. Our egos are so fragile. We wrongly base our self worth at times on what other people think
of us. Or worse, what we assume they think of us, as if we were professional mind readers.
Mind reading is one of
my favorite ways to put myself in a rotten mood. I make assumptions of what other people think about me. Once I was at a party
where most of the people there were not my closest friends, just acquaintances. I would stand in the corner and watch two
people talking to each other. I have no idea what they were talking about but I would assume they were talking about ME, of
all people!
It’s arrogant I guess to think you’re the center of the universe, the life of the party and
total strangers are talking and all you can think of is yourself. It’s selfishness.
As it says in the book,
The Four Agreements, “all sadness is rooted in making assumptions.” This is why we have so much fear around revealing
ourselves. If you don’t feel good about yourself, why would you want to share it with others? Most of us, or some of
us, live a dual life. I’m not saying its healthy, just a reality for some. We put on a mask of self confidence and smugness
publicly. Inside our souls we are struggling with self worth issues. So its like revealing the hidden private side, we work
so hard to keep under wraps that causes us fear.
The fear of revelation or our hidden self. Isn’t this why public
speaking is the #1 fear?
Author's Bio
Allan J. Katz
is a direct response copywriter and marketing coach who specializes in attracting and retaining customers. An author, speaker
and consultant, Allan has developed strategies that have generated millions of dollars for clients nationwide.
He
is former President of the Direct Marketing Association of Memphis. He presents seminars, workshops, lectures and keynotes
on loyalty marketing, direct response marketing, problem solving, idea generation and persuasive communications. In January
2008 he presented “Up the Loyalty Ladder,” a full day workshop for Israeli business people in Tel Aviv, Israel.
He served as an adjunct professor at the University of Memphis Continuing Education Program on such topics as The
Basics of Direct Marketing, How to Start a Mail Order Business, Marketing Your Small Business and Problem Solving.
His
latest book, Addictive Entrepreneurship explores the distinction between workaholism versus being addicted to the ecstatic
rush of starting and running your own business.
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Creating A Climate For Success In Your Life
By Grant Storey
The lesson of the lake
A teaching from Hang Sen
From ‘The incredible teachings of Hang Sen’
Get
your free copy at www.win-within.com/thankyou
Hang Sen loved to walk. I was absorbed in the scrunching of my boots in the knee deep snow as I waded behind the old man, bent against the wind, his staff thumping
rhythmically into the ground with every step he took. I couldn’t help but smile at him as he led me on deeper into the
forest as the icy wind threw fistfuls of snow down upon us.
He was waddling like a duck because of the rather odd homemade snow shoes
he had made for himself, and when I commented on the fact he merely glanced over his shoulder and with a smile said ‘Function
over form’ and then turned back to lead me to wherever it was we were going.
After a short while we emerged out of the forest to find ourselves at
the edge of a small frozen pond, or lake. Hang Sen led me over to a fallen tree trunk and draped two blankets over it so we
could sit down.
We sat down together, wrapped ourselves in silence and watched as our
breath billowed about our heads in clouds of white vapor.
“What do you see there?” Hang Sen eventually asked, nodding
at the lake.
“I see a frozen lake.” I replied.
He nodded, ‘What else?’ he asked. I thought about it for a while ‘Nothing else, I see a frozen lake’ I reiterated.
‘You see ice?’ Hang Sen asked
‘Yes, of course’ I replied ‘I told you,
I said I see a frozen lake.’
Hang Sen turned toward me, his black eyes bore into mine and he said ‘No, you see a frozen lake, not ice. If you saw ice then you would have answered “I see ice.”’
I remained quiet for a few moments, and then said ‘I
don’t get it.’
‘Good’ Hang Sen chuckled, ‘that means
I have something to teach you and you have something to learn.’
‘When
you say you see a frozen lake, you are seeing the entire lake as frozen. But it is actually not so. The top most layer
of that lake is frozen, but beneath that it is water.’
I still didn’t understand where he was going with this but instead of throwing my objections at him I allowed him to continue.
He was smiling now, as he always does when he is about to reveal something to me,
‘The ice is a part of the lake, yet at the same time it is not. It has changed its form’ He paused, I guessed to let the meaning of what he was trying to tell me to filter through to the
light of my understanding, but it didn’t quite get there. I remained in the dark.
‘If you were to imagine a three dimensional cross-section of that lake in your minds
eye what would you see?’ Hang Sen asked.
I told him that what I would see was something that resembled looking at a cake
from the side; with the icing appearing as the frozen layer on top and the remaining water as the cake itself.
He seemed to like that description because he clapped his hands together and said ‘Good, good.’
‘Now’ He began, ‘what you see is the
frozen surface of the lake, but you take it to mean that the whole lake is frozen. What you are in fact seeing is only the
surface manifestation of the lake as a layer of ice on top. Beneath that it is still its source substance, water.’
‘Ok’ I said ‘Go on’
He stopped talking, got up, and went scampering about into the forest. He emerged shortly
afterward carrying a sturdy stick and a rock. He walked over to me and handed me the rock.
‘Throw that rock as hard as you can into the lake. I want you to break through that
ice.’
He told me.
I sauntered over to the edge of the lake and hurled the rock downward as hard as I
could. The layer of ice wasn’t very thick and the rock burst through with a crack and watery thud.
‘Here’ Hang Sen said, handing me the stick ‘Fish
out a piece of the broken ice with this and bring it back up to the log.’
I prodded around and fished out a piece of broken ice about the size of a dinner plate.
‘What am I supposed to do with this?’ I asked as I sat down again next
to Hang Sen.
‘Break a piece off and put it into your mouth’ He replied.
So I broke a piece off and placed the piece of ice in my mouth. It melted rapidly and
I swallowed the icy water.
‘Wonderful’ Hang Sen said, smiling at me with those two black eyes waiting
in anticipation. Whatever it was he was expecting didn’t happen. I just stared blankly back at him.
‘This is the lesson of the lake’ He said.
‘What is?’ I replied.
‘Ah’ he sighed, ‘You haven’t got
it yet have you? I guess I’ll have to explain everything to you’
‘I guess so’ I said, it was my turn to smile.
‘Think of that lake as wisdom. In its pure, natural, source-form it is water. Just as wisdom in its source form is invisible and intangible. When we want to bring wisdom into the realm of experience we need to crystallize it, to freeze it in the constraints of time, space and form.
This is how the water becomes ice, and how wisdom becomes the form of words, or actions, or some other such means as art or music. The true essence of wisdom becomes as ice on the surface of the lake so that we can bring it into the world of our experience.
‘Now what we do, is we can remove our piece of wisdom (ice) from the surface of the lake and in doing so remove it from
it’s source and move to another place, and give it to another person. This is why I asked you to break the surface of
the lake and bring a piece of the ice here. You held that piece of wisdom in your hands and carried it with you.
Then by placing it in your mouth, you savored
and experienced that ice and in doing so allowed it to return to its source form within you. Water turned to ice returning
to water in your own mouth.
Just like this, so everything in life works. Everything is
part of the one great lake of source energy and is intangible and invisible. Then, through bringing about the right circumstances in terms of creating the conditions that allow that source energy to transform into the material realm, to be
frozen as it were in the realm of time, form and space, we are able to experience it on a tangible, experiential level. Then a funny thing happens, because as we begin to experience
the fruits of our creation, or as we place the ice in our mouths, it melts back into the realm of the intangible through the
process of experience to return once again to source energy.
He paused to let me take all this in.
‘So, in this lies the lesson of manifestation’ He continued after a while
‘everything stems from the source. We then create the conditions in our lives
through our thoughts, feelings, beliefs and actions that allow that source to freeze, or become something that has form, constrained by the laws of
time and space, and so we bring that into our experience, but then’ He held his finger up.
‘We do something equally incredible… we experience
the manifestation of what we have created and through doing so, through placing the ice in our mouths so to speak, we allow
whatever we have created to return to the source form from where it came.’
‘Now, you may be wondering why I am telling you this’ Hang Sen said, his brow creased into a slight
frown ‘well the reason is this - In order you for to create whatever it is you are wanting to experience
in your life, you need to learn how to create the conditions required to have that thing freeze in time, space and form. You need to learn how to control the climate of your thoughts, feelings, actions and beliefs so that they enable the water to freeze!’Author's Bio: Grant Storey is the founder of win-within.com and developer of the win-within way to living a truly limitless
life series of e-courses.
The aim of Win-Within.com is to allow anyone who applies the wisdom, principles and processes
contained in this unique system to create change in their lives from the inside out.
source site: click here
College Students Should Develop An Attitude Of Success
By Bob Roth
The
attitude you present tells others who you are, what you are and what to expect from you. When you are viewed as having a great attitude, many more people will naturally gravitate toward you and often will be willing to help you in some way.
The most successful students, leaders and employees present an attitude that makes it clear to everyone around them that they are positive, genuine, competent, self-confident and caring. That is why every college student should come to realize that only with a great attitude can they ever reach their full potential.
Your attitude makes itself known through your words, tone of voice, actions, reactions, facial expressions, mannerisms and body
language. It is revealed in every aspect of your thinking and behavior. As people read those signals, they make judgments about you and your potential for success. People with great potential are easy to recognize.
Since you choose your attitude, you may want to take a closer look at the attitude you are presenting to your friends, classroom instructors and employers. If you want to be more successful,
you can choose to adopt a different attitude. Because people with an attitude of success tend to focus on eight areas, those “Elements
of Success” are offered here.
1. Demonstrate Competence & Professionalism - Employers need people who are both competent and professional. No employer can survive without them. When college students can provide examples
of their competence and professionalism, employers will take notice. Students in this category are willing to get their hands
dirty and are quick to help others. They work hard, produce quality work, beat deadlines and achieve above average results.
2. Build & Maintain Relationships - It may
surprise you to learn that most people don’t succeed on their technical competence
alone. No matter how competent you may be, it is unlikely that you will succeed when the
people around you don’t like you. Since few jobs operate in isolation, you will need others to help you succeed. When people know that you care about them, they will go to great lengths to help you.
3. Present
a Positive Attitude - The most successful students and employees choose to present a “can do”,
“let’s give it a try”, “I’ll do what it takes” attitude. Because of their great attitude, they influence others in a positive way. Additionally, it is their positive attitude that offers them the opportunity to overcome the obstacles that stop others in their tracks.
4. Exhibit Self-confidence - Few people find great success without having a high degree of self-confidence. Since that confidence can be built slowly over time, students often get involved with small projects where they can make solid contributions. As
those small successes accumulate, their self-confidence will increase. The more they believe in themselves, the more successes they will have.
5.
Practice Continuous Learning - People with an attitude of success make a special effort to stay on top of the things that are going on in their field of interest. They recognize that they can’t remain successful without learning about and utilizing the new developments,
information and techniques. Whenever people fall behind in their field, they lose value.
6. Treat People With Respect - Anyone who doesn’t treat others with respect, regardless of their position or status, will severely hamper their own success. Successful
people look for the best in others and recognize their unique talents and strengths. They teach others, build them up and rely on them for help.
7. Develop & Expand Leadership Skills - Successful
people don’t do everything by themselves. They identify a worthwhile goal, stimulate interest, inspire other people to perform and lead them to a successful result. Since leadership skills can
be developed and improved with practice, those striving for greater success can initially
accept a few small leadership roles. Then, as their skills begin to improve, they can look for opportunities to take on larger and
larger challenges.
8. Look to the Future - The most successful people look to the future. They don’t dwell on their past successes
and failures. Successful people focus on those few goals that will make things better in the future. People who see the future clearly will recognize the challenges and problems for what they are. They are the opportunities that the future presents to us.
Destiny
is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.
Jeremy
Kitson
We know that success doesn’t come to everyone.
Too many people just don’t have the right attitude. However, those who will have the greatest achievements understand that, in the end, success favors the people who earn it. That is why they closely follow
the eight, rock hard elements of success. You can too!
For more information visit Bob’s web site: www.The4Realities.com. Bob Roth is the author of The
4 Realities Of Success During and After College. Bob’s newest book The College Student’s
Guide To Landing A Great Job is now available.
Author's
Bio: Bob Roth, a former campus
recruiter, is the author of The College Student's Guide To Landing A Great Job -&- The 4 Realities Of Success
During & After College. Known as The "College & Career Success” Coach, Bob also writes
articles for more than 175 College Career Services Offices & Campus Newspapers.
Additionally, Bob has developed 20 Self-Scoring
Learning Tools™ that help college students find success. He has been interviewed on numerous
radio programs across the country & also by many newspapers, including The Wall Street Journal. Lastly, Bob serves as
an Adjunct at Marist College, teaching a course in Career Development.
www.The4Realities.com
How Can You Be A Success If You Don't Believe You Can?
By Loretta Kay
Financial freedom is something we all aspire to, and yet it seems so elusive. Why is this? Why
do some people find it easy, and others find it so hard? Some people just have to think of an idea for making money, and hey
presto! before you know it, they are becoming a great success.
I know people like this - it can be infuriating! Especially when you try so hard, you look around
for the right product to sell, the right program to promote, get the right job with the right prospects, and yet somehow,
all your efforts fall just short of what you were expecting!
Did you get that last bit?
'just short of what you were expecting'. Just what were you expecting? You see, it is my philosophy, that we get actually
attract and get what we are expecting.
Somehow, in this universe, we are able to magnetize towards us the things we think about most. Therefore, we need to examine our beliefs to see if they are in alignment with what we actually want out of life.
If you are going through life experiencing disappointment and financial failure, then somewhere along the lines, you have
got your wires crossed and are sending out conflicting messages to the universe.
I know it all sounds far-fetched and even a little bit crazy (what's
wrong with that?), but if you are experiencing failure on a daily basis - ouch - then what harm is there in just looking at the concept of 'you are what you believe you are'.
You see, I believe that your circumstances mirror your beliefs. A period of intense examination of your beliefs is required if you are not getting the financial (or other) success you want in your life. There
is something standing in your way. Take a trip deep within yourself and see if you can hear or see those little voices saying
'you'll never do it - you're not clever enough, or brave enough, or pretty enough, or old enough, or young enough, or healthy enough, etc, etc'
Do you see what I mean, there is usually an inner critic standing in your way of success and you need to eliminate this source of criticism to be able to break through into the world of success.
To be able to live up to what you know you are capable of. By simply ignoring these voices and pretending they are not there, we are denying ourselves the opportunity to be successful in whatever we desire. These inner critics need to be acknowledged and understood if we are to move forward in our lives.
Take an inner journey through relaxation techniques to speak with these critics and ask them why they are are stopping your in your quest for success.
Once they have been acknowledged, you will find they stop niggling you and you are able to start accumulating success, slowly at first and then faster and faster until your life
is one big success story!
You always have a choice
- you can choose to stay on believing the way you do now, or you can start looking at ways to break through these limiting beliefs and stand up on your own two feet and achieve the financial success (and other successes) that you deserve after
all your efforts!
To be a success, don't procrastinate
- you just have to take action to rid yourself of old, self-destructive habits.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Loretta_Kay
click here to visit my source site and read more about the author!
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