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welcome! to feeling emotional, 5!
after looking things over here at feeling emotional,
5, try out "the layer down under," (part of
the emotional feelings network of sites) & read a special "i just gotta say it" column concerning porn addiction by clicking here! Be sure to scroll down towards the bottom of the right hand column to find it!
another important suggestion... visit
the network's homepage to learn more about the features included within the emotional feelings network of
sites!
| Read my column that changes every month` |
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| I just gotta say it! It's on the homepage! |
develop empathy
I was personally very touched by this inspiring story as I watched it on
television last night (2/27/07); especially after I experienced a life altering injury which took me 2 years to recover from.
What I want to ask you is...
If you can't help out with the helmets, below for our military men, can
you volunteer or help our returning soldiers who are recovering with extreme traumatic brain injury?
Here are some links!
Check them out, I know that my family will be searching for a way we can help!
Remember that those experiencing a traumatic injury can easily develop mental health problems.
What is Operation Helmet?
Founded in 2003 by Dr. Robert H. Meaders whose grandson is an active duty Marine in Iraq, Operation Helmet is a nonpartisan 501(c)(3) organization dedicated
to providing safer helmet pad upgrade kits to the troops in Iraq & Afghanistan.
To date, more than 6,000 kits have been shipped to the troops in the field.
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| click on the helmet to see how you can help! |
 How this site works best for you!
You'll
notice that there are many underlined link
words in each article below. The reason for this is that you have reached not only, "emotional
feelings, the home site," but the emotional feelings network of sites. There are
many sites included within the network that'll be visited by clicking on these underlined
link words.
If you can't find what you came
here looking for, visit the homepage for the emotional feelings network of sites by clicking above & read the options on
the homepage for the networks index of sites. Try to be specific when looking for an emotion or feeling word & click on the site you need!
It's very simple & very
interesting to follow your way thru the layers of your buried or stuffed emotions & feelings that have accumulated throughout the years!
when you've reached this point, or this website, you know you're making
progress!!!! this part gets difficult because now is the time to look within & become emotionally honest with yourself!!!
Best of luck & if you're
still stuck, send me an e-mail anytime, by clicking here & I'll be glad to send you an immediate personal response!
Sincerely,
Kathleen
 My Own Dig on Feeling Safe....
by Kathleen Howe
I really had hoped to start every page in this site with a personal thought containing some sort of wisdom that I've stumbled across during the past almost six years of my personal growth recovery journey - but this time - I'm including
a brief story of someone else's first!
NEW ENGLAND'S MAPLE FORESTS
Saved By Syrup
As New England's great maple forest retreats northward, sweet memories remain
Mary-Ann Tirone Smith
We wake to the sound of the
breakfast bell at a lodge in Londonderry, Vermont. It's the final day of a weekend ski trip for my two college buddies
and me, and we're excited. Today, we will advance from the bunny hill to a mountainside. Nancy, the cheerful one in the bunch, says, "Today we'll be official skiers!" Patty, the yin to Nancy's yang, says, "I hope I don't break my
leg." And I, the voice of reason, ask, "What's for breakfast?"
Soon we are fortified with
pancakes bathed in genuine maple syrup. Here in the Green Mountain National Forest, there are an estimated 13 million
maple trees, one of the highest concentrations on the planet, and, thankfully, many are being tapped for this hearty goo.
When our ski lessons are cut short (the generator
that powers the lift won't turn over), we decide to try snowshoeing instead. "Stick to the trail," the activities
director calls out. "Keep the trees with the blue blazes in sight." Soon after we wave goodbye, we find ourselves awestruck
in the cathedral of giant trees--some of which are almost 400 years old.
In no time, we
are lost. Forgetting the advice "If you lose your way, stay put," we step briskly along until our stomachs start to
growl. It is past noon. We joke about how many calories we'll burn off. Another hour goes by, and we are trudging rather than
stepping. The canopy of maples is up to 80 feet high. Its embrace comforts me, but at the same time, I feel dwarfed and vulnerable. Another hour goes by. We stop checking our watches. We can't feel our fingers. Nancy, still cheerful, says, "We'll see a
blue blaze any time now." Patty, biting her lip, mumbles, "We're going to freeze to death." Hoping I'm not delirious, I wonder
aloud, "What in the world is that?"
I'm pointing to some sort of cable hanging between
two trees. A heavy plastic tube is attached to a spout sticking out of a massive tree. It's a sugar maple pouring forth sap.
We see other tubes, too, and we follow them for a mile until we smell burning wood and boiling sap. In the distance is a sugar
shack, one of many in the forest.
We wave wildly at the two figures chopping wood.
One fellow comes running, shouting over his shoulder, "Hey, Brewstah! Look he-ah! It's the three missing kids." The two farmers
bring us inside the shack, where vats of boiling sap bubble over wood fires. We sit at a rough-hewn table, and Brewster gives
us mugs of warm cider to thaw our hands. Then he places bowls of patted-down snow in front of us and passes out forks. He
ladles thin streams of syrup onto the snow and teaches us to twirl the glassy taffy onto our forks, as we would spaghetti.
We pop some good-sized blobs into our mouths. Divine.
Since that college trip back in the
1960s, the average temperature of southern Vermont has increased 2.89 degrees Fahrenheit. What had been the state's
average winter temperature, 18.31 degrees, is now about the average temperature of Montreal. Back then, New England produced
80% of the world's maple sugar and syrup, Canada the rest. Today that ratio is reversed. In order to flourish, a maple tree
needs regular cycles of freezing and thawing. Freezing dispatches life-giving sap to its vast root system, and thawing delivers
the sap back up to its branches. The National Forest Service predicts that if the environment continues to warm at its present
rate, this cycle will be disrupted enough to wipe out Vermont's sugar maples by the end of the century.
Is it a big deal not to have maple syrup for our pancakes? Of course not. But it is a big deal to see a $190
million industry meet its demise, and so is losing the wood for maple furniture and cabinets, butcher blocks and basketball
courts, bowling pins and bassoons. And leaf-peepers could forget about flocking to New England every autumn to witness the
maples' fireworks as they transform the landscape from emerald green to brilliant gold, orange, red, russet. Instead, these
tourists will have to keep heading north, toward Montreal, to catch the show.
This winter,
as I watch my daughter ladle boiled maple syrup into the bowls of snow set before my grandchildren, I remember that time when
the maples saved me, and vow to do what I can to return the favor.
The reasoning behind including
the article is I was particularly interested in the story because I was raised partly in New Hampshire and have
many memories of my own of Vermont's famous maple syrup on pancakes and ski trips. When I was at Women's Health website,
checking out their "online version" of their magazine - I bumped into this story and instantly the feelings
of "safety," "comfort," and "warmth" filled me. I knew what this author was writing about. But how strange I felt when I reached the ending
of the article informing me that this industry - the production of maple syrup in Vermont - was in danger of extinction;
all sense of safety left me as fast as it filled me. I felt totally deflated.
What I've discovered about feeling safe
in my personal growth journey is that we can never really feel totally "safe" in our world
today. We can't delude ourselves in today's world that we're always safe from
all harm at all times because we're not. What we can accomplish in terms of safety is a level of safety in certain factors
of our lives. But still, I believe that safety isn't always in our hands and we must always
remain vigilant in our knowledge of this. Don't forget into carelessness that safety could
be a delusion and that you might be hurt if you don't keep your eyes wide open and your brain trained in awareness techniques at all times.
We must be aware of what is happening in our own personal environment, but also there's that big open space called, "the rest of the
world," out there that has a huge bearing on our smaller personal environment. We must keep that same sense of vigilance in
staying "aware" of what's happening in the global sense of our lives to stay as safe as we possibly can
in this world today. We must use "common sense." We must educate ourselves concerning the dangers facing the world as a
whole to ensure that we do everything we possibly can to stay safe in the larger scheme
of things.
As children, we are supposed
to feel safe from all outside harm as our parents were responsible for protecting us from all hurt and pain. Some of us may have felt reasonably safe in the confines of our own homes and
our own family of origin. It's usually not until we get older that we learn that we weren't as
safe as we thought.
In my case, I never felt safe as a child and as I grew up I feigned a sense of safety
as I thrived in a constant state of denial - living within the confines of the most dysfunctional relationships rife with domestic violence and pain. I wasn't aware of anything. I didn't know I wasn't living in a normal family situation.
I believe that this has been the experience of many of the baby boomers. Our generation seemed to be a generation of families
that "appeared" to be normal, but were indeed, completely dysfunctional. There seemed to be a societal acceptance of alcoholism, drug addiction and other negative coping mechanisms as well as my own nemesis - abusive relationships. There were certain expectations of women that were totally ignorant and when a woman couldn't conform she might have to subscribe to an "addiction" to cope.
Anyone who has grown up in a family that included a daily "happy hour"
knows that it's very difficult to feel "safe" at any time. I think back at what I saw as
a child within my own family, my aunts and uncles and even my grandparents all hurting each other; and it causes me to close
my eyes, shake my head and swallow hard wishing I could simply press a button on my computer's keyboard to delete those
memories. I never felt safe as a child.
I cried quietly, with my head hidden - every time my family
was driving away from my grandmother's house. We always lived at least a few hours driving time away from her. I believe
that her house is where I felt, "the safest" of all. I cried because I was afraid that she
would die before I could make it back again to feel safe, under her watch. She rocked me
in the rocking chair until I was ten years old. She sang to me all of her own "little girl" songs that had been sung
to her. I sang them to my children and now to my grand daughter.
I felt the safest there
because she had told me how she had gone to the country club to talk to my grandfather's best friend who was
a lawyer. She had taken all the children there to meet with him in private. My mother had been the oldest of four girls and
she was responsible for watching them all as my grandmother talked to this man. She told him that if he didn't get my grandfather
to stop abusing her that she would report him to the country club's membership committee and he would surely be deleted from
the club's membership roster. This would be of the greatest disgrace to their family. And so the abuse ended. Or so she thought.
She never understood and neither did I at the time that while the physical abuse ended, the verbal and mental abuse remained strong and
constant. My grandmother relied on her pharmacy in the kitchen cabinet which contained her supply of "nerve pills." I learned
the pills were Valium in the seventies, before that I'm not sure what they prescribed to her. The doctor came to the
house and he knew what she had faced. She had married so young, at age fifteen. She was tiny and timid and had relied totally
on my grandfather.
How can we expect to feel safe in our relationships
when we were raised in such chaos, offense and violence? Many of us never realize this. We continue to live in relationships
that are dead to us. Many of those people e-mail me to ask for advice. They don't know what to do because they are so caught
up in some sort of addiction that they need professional help to get straight. It's surprising how many people are experiencing
medical illnesses due to the intense stress level they've been living with. They are experiencing physical symptoms as well
as symptoms of mental illness and stress. Depression rates are huge.
Then there's our political arena.
We watch the news daily to see our political leaders exposed of their wrong doings. The leaders of our great country can't
even be honest with their own spouses; so how can we expect them to be honest with the American public? These men and women are responsible
for our overall safety. And what about global warming? Pollution? There are too many world
wide dangers to list them all. Major terrorist regimes all seem to be against the United States, what about global safety? It's not a pretty picture.
To think it all begins with a child who doesn't feel safe enough to tell his or her parents the truth. They've already seen their parents not feel safe enough with each other to tell the truth and then there's not feeling safe enough to tell the truth to their employers either. They've seen their parents call in sick when
they're going to a theme park to ride roller coasters all day. They've seen a parent bring home things from work that belonged
to the employer, but it's okay to bring some home because they'll never miss them.
There's the young political candidate running for office, being indoctrinated
into the political arena to learn what's acceptable to overlook and what isn't. The early taste of power and control can often
change the ethical outlook of any employee or political officer from good to bad in a very short time. People are needy. They don't
make the money that they need to survive in today's world.
Police officers abusing their wives, exerting an inappropriate show of
force against those they arrest as well as our country's military - all seem to be infected with some sort of power and control
sickness that takes over all sense of justice, respect and honor. It's a sad state of affairs in our world today. Now you can understand what I'm saying when I say that you can't feel totally safe in today's world.
Not everything within your immediate environment is able to be controlled by the average individual. This is
how people begin to lose hope for a brighter future. This is how people become suicidal. Everything seems bleak.
When you're lost in the symptoms of mental illness, depression for
example, you're oblivious to these outside influences. You are also oblivious to the true state of your relationships.
Living in a state of fog, exhaustion, robotic existence is very sad and lonely. You don't watch the news. You go to work if you're able and you do your job. You get the kids what they absolutely
need. You don't pay attention to what you need, you just get by with what you have somehow.
You don't remember the last time you had a conversation with your spouse
and you can't remember the last time you went to the movies or out to dinner on a date. Your kids are always a headache. No
matter what age they are they drain you of all your energy. You have no power over them either. They seem to do just whatever
they want to. You don't have any friends anymore because friends take up time and energy and you don't have any of those things
to spare. It's a horrible picture I'm painting, but it's true. It's life. It's the life of many people today.
Our children can't feel
safe in school today. Either a teacher might touch them in an inappropriate manner, or even yell at them everyday,
cutting down their sense of self esteem just because of the gazillions of frustrations our teachers face today. They don't feel safe either. A student as young as five years
old might have a gun in their backpack. There might be a fight between two students that includes a weapon and in trying to
subdue the chaos, the teacher ends up stabbed, shot or physically wounded by a punch or a kick. And then the simple fact that
our children are exposed to this violence. This lack of support, this infringement of their rights to a safe and adequate education, it's all just normal these days.
Now for the flip side of the coin, the greener grass on the other
side of the fence, the more the merrier point of view about feeling safe. I feel safer in knowing what I know today, not just existing in that
blind state of fog I described above. Living with clarity of thought, with an educated outlook of our community's problems, our nation's problems and the world's problems allows me to feel safer than ever because I am not ignorant or ignoring what directly affects me and my family. I have developed a strong plan of action in my personal growth recovery journey.
First, you must educate yourself concerning your mental and physical health.
Learning everything you can possibly find to learn, and continually updating your intellect with pertinent information is
crucial. You can't achieve physical and mental well being without learning every detail of whatever ails you. The more you
learn the easier it is to understand. Understanding is the second essential element.
Understanding leads to action. If you understand the way something works, really understand it; "take it apart and rebuild it" kind of understanding - you can take the action needed to make changes in your life. It's within this essential step that you begin to take back your power and control over yourself and your life that you had previously unknowingly given away. It's the understanding of our problems that allows us to be empathetic to others, volunteer to help others and to gain even more understanding through doing so. You gain an additional type of education through these activities that you can't give to yourself. It's
through helping others that we ultimately help ourselves.
These steps are nothing but taking personal responsibility for ourselves. We are taking back our power and control. We are gaining self esteem and confidence. We are building ourselves into strong, secure individuals who can begin to direct our present and futures into a "safer" condition. I'm
so proud and happy to report that it is at this point - that I am beginning to "take action" to make the changes I need to
make to reach my goals. I'm workin' my plan!
Part of the action I need to take is to teach my children what I've already
learned. I was ignorant of so much information! I didn't know that we need to make choices, that we are responsible for our
own selves, there's just so much I couldn't make you understand the depth of my illiteracy. I could read, but it had to be written in "black and white." I've had to ditch most of my belief
system and build a new one. My thought processes have had to be scrutinized and reorganized. I am still working on training
my brain to follow written directions. I have that "other" kind of brain that is creative and usually chooses the "trial and
error" type of learning.
I feel safe in realizing the importance of "the truth." I'm forever giving examples of how living in the truth can save you from living in fear. I've been busting my fears, one by one for almost six
years and it's going to take me a very long time to get through all of them, but I'm never giving up. I must do what makes
me uncomfortable to get comfortable some day. Making changes in fifty years of negative habitual
behaviors is a tough order. Being up to the challenge is the "fun" part of it. It's the fun part of it that makes me feel safe. I am in control of my own destiny - to a point.
I can do what I need to do to make changes in my community, my nation and in my world and feel increasingly good about myself
for doing it. I've learned to eliminate the word, "should" from my vocabulary because it induces self guilt and shame - both of which I choose to steer clear of.
Researchers in every field are learning new things every day and revealing the
answers to so many previous mysteries that will benefit us if we learn about them. Already researchers have found that physical
exercise is the best medicine for staving off Altzheimers. In a disease that was a total mystery just a few decades ago, we
now have the opportunity to steer clear of the debilitating disease so we can enjoy our golden years by simply exercising
at least 30 minutes a day.
Everything that we do (every minute of our
day & night) is a piece of our puzzle that contributes to our being able to live our lives strong both physically and mentally. We can emerge healthier than any generation before us and begin
to turn the tides of history. We just need to recognize the need. We just need to feel safe
enough to try. We need to have hope. We need to believe in ourselves. It's not easy. What the essential ingredient is will
not be difficult once you learn about it, understand it and then take the needed action.
You must make a commitment to your self for the first time in your life. There is no quitting. There is no easy way out. You will do whatever it is you
must do to get well. You must hold that commitment closer to your heart than anything you have attempted before.
Nothing is sacred anymore - especially marriage - the most important commitment most of us thought we needed to make! But it's not the most important commitment. We need to make a commitment to ourselves to learn how to accept our selves for who we are, who we want to be, who we hope to be and who we will become once we achieve the goals
we make for ourselves.
Nothing is more important than that. Once you begin to see the light of day and the darkness of night and begin
to appreciate them for what they are... you can make that commitment and enjoy keeping it. You can begin to feel
safe within the environment you are building for yourself and your loved ones. If every person on this earth were
to take on the same process; just think how wonderful the world could be!
I'm excited that I have had the opportunity to share this with you.
I'm safe in my own self - because I've learned how to protect my self - just as I love my
own self because I've learned the importance of loving my self and finally I accept my own self for who I am. It's the start of a wonderful journey!
What makes us safe?
This is a huge question
posed by an email correspondent after the January Modest Proposal. It is also an excellent inquiry for me personally at this
time, and I think, is for most of you at one time or another. What does make us safe?
I think the beginning of the answer to the question lies with first looking at what makes us fear thereby creating the desire to feel safe. This is an aspect of humankind that is very fascinating to me, and lies,
I think, at the very core of how we behave, day-to-day, even moment-by-moment.
It is also the major block
to loving acceptance of ourselves and others. So, if I live each day responding to big and small fears, what are the consequences? We all know them: anxiety, anger, frustration, hopelessness, helplessness – in short, a feeling of not being “safe.”
Let’s leave the
fear part for a moment and deal with what is safe? Am I ever safe,
really? Wherever I go, whatever I do involves risk. I could get struck by an oversized meteor, have a stroke or heart attack, or in the area where I live, serve as lunch for
a mountain lion. In short, my physical body is never free of risk. Risk is omnipresent. Are fear and risk the same thing? No.
Risk is a given constant for human beings; fear is a reaction to the consciousness of risk. It is a story that I make up about WHAT might happen when I don’t know what IS going to happen. What I make up is
usually more dire than what actually happens. With physical risk, I know the outcome: if I survived, what was the damage, if any, to my body? The results are simple to determine.
Other than driving,
I don’t encounter many physical risks - haven’t seen a mountain lion yet. I do encounter psychological risks daily
and frequently. “We need to talk,” is something that many of us have heard from bosses or lovers. It is an innocuous
enough phrase and may simply be about finishing a report or taking out the trash, and there are all kinds of other stories
forecasting what it “really means.” I choose a story that aligns with my judgments about my unworthiness, and
I am suddenly fearful, anticipating the worst that could happen. What makes me safe?
FIRST,
I have to recognize that there is no absolute physical safety for me as a human being. I
can minimize my physical risk by not doing foolish things like saluting a gang of bikers with a common street gesture. How you and I live our lives in
the physical world can be performed with the recognition of the inherent risks and their acceptance.
If I drive
on a fast, crowded freeway, there is a chance that I will have an accident. Does that mean I should not drive on the
freeway? No. It does mean that I can take measures to decrease the risk. I can have my car in safe condition, drive vigilantly, and not do anything dangerous like
talking on my mobile phone while driving.
Fear can be present if I make up stories about what may happen while driving. If I tell myself they are just stories, and
I don’t know what will happen, BUT more than likely I will arrive
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