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 Developing Your Personality, Presence, Magnetism, And Relationship Skills
FOR GREATER Success, AND TO MORE EFFECTIVELY ATTRACT, INFLUENCE, INTEREST, STIMULATE, ENTHUSE, WIN OVER AND LEAD OTHERS
By Rick Gettle
© 2004
Article Excerpt From The Book “Successercising” www.successercising.com
Your Success In Selling Yourself And Your Ideas To Others Is Based 98% On Your Personality And Only 2% On Your Product Knowledge
Some people have so much personality, presence and magnetism that they brighten a room when they come in.
Others have
so little, that they brighten the room when they leave.
PERSONAL MAGNETISM TEST:
Personality is the mental, spiritual, and physical traits - good or bad - which distinguish you from all others. To realize prosperity
and success you need to build a powerful magnetic personality that attracts people to you. Here's a list of traits that will help you achieve a pleasing, attractive, engaging, and winning
personality.
Please rate yourself, not on how you feel about yourself, but on how you think others would rate you.
RATE YOURSELF
Poor
- Fair - Good - Excellent
A Positive Mental Attitude
Keep your mind filled throughout the day with positive and happy thoughts? It’s not much fun being around negative people. Treat everyone you meet as if they were the most important person in the world.
Positive Self-Projection
Learn how to send out and project an aura into the atmosphere
that surrounds you, that will create a good mood and feeling for those near you.
The Capacity To Understand People
To be a leader and well respected by the people
you work with - you must learn to be an expert when it comes to understanding and inspiring people.
Appearance
The best-dressed and groomed person usually increases their energy
and attracts the most favorable attention.
Control Of Your Emotions
Self discipline is necessary if you're to enjoy the benefits of a pleasing personality. Some of the negative
feelings, which must be brought under control, are:
- Fear
- hatred
- anger
- envy
- greed
- jealousy
- revenge
- irritability
- superstition
On the positive side of these negative emotions are
the positives of:
- Love
- kindness
- faith
- hope
- desire
- loyalty
- sympathy
- optimism
Use Of Creativity
Everyone is born with a brain
and an imagination. Some use theirs to develop their fullest capacity to create a great life for themselves - while others
use theirs very seldom and end up living a life of mediocrity and lack.
Hope And Ambition
A
person without ambition may be harmless to others, but will never be popular. No one cares much about a person who shows by
their actions (or lack of action) that they have abandoned hope of getting ahead in this world. Having dreams, goals, and plans on how to achieve them – create positive energy around
you.
Persuasiveness
To get what you want from
life you must have the powers of persuasion to get others to want to help you and cooperate with you.
Temperance
The person who lacks the necessary self-discipline to manage his or her personal habits is never
attractive to others. This is especially true of eating, drinking and sexual relationships. Excesses in relation to any of
these destroy personal magnetism.
Concern For Others
A person who is concerned
about the welfare, happiness, and safety of others is a well-loved person.
Patience
This is a fast moving, high speed world. The tempo of human thoughts and actions is
so rapid that people often get in one another's way. Patience is required if you wish to avoid friction in human relationships.
Self-Motivation
If it’s meant to be – it’s up to me. Making things happen.
Humility Of The Heart
Be humble. Keep your empathy and your ego in balance.
Aspiration For Excellence
Always doing your very best – taking personal initiative and going the extra
mile.
A Friendly And Pleasing Tone Of Voice
Keep your tone of voice calm, friendly,
soothing, caring, cheerful, easygoing and kind-hearted.
Self-Discipline
Discipline
is what corrects, molds, and perfects.
Ability To Work In Harmony With Others
Teamwork and cooperation.
A Fondness For People
It is inevitable that people who dislike others will be disliked; people sense disapproval, even when
you're silent! It is greatly beneficial to monitor your thoughts and emotions as well as your words. Treat everyone you meet,
every day, as if they were the most important person in the world. They will give you their love, their respect and their
business.
Problem Solving Skills
The
Habit Of Smiling
It requires 12 muscles to smile - 103 muscles to frown. When
we smile at another person, it puts them at ease and raises their self-esteem. It also releases endorphins in your brain that
gives you a feeling of well-being and contentment. Your smile will change the mental attitude of those with whom you come
into contact.
Self-Confidence
Correction and regulation of oneself for the sake of improvement.
Positive Facial Expressions
There are thousands of ways a person speaks without ever opening their mouth. It’s called
body language. Are your facial expressions saying things that will attract others to you, or turn them off?
Speaking Ability Before Others
Can you inspire and rouse and audience to action?
Courtesy
Always go out of your way to help others and be kind to them.
Show Alertness Of Interest
The greatest compliment one can pay another
person is that of concentrating their attention wholly on the person that is talking to them. Be a great listener.
Personal Magnetism
Do you have the ability to arouse and add vitality in people? People love
to be around others that make them feel alive and important.
Sincerity
Always be genuine and honest and free from deceit and phoniness.
A Good Sense Of Humor
A well developed sense of humor helps you stay flexible and adjust to life's varying circumstances. It keeps you
from taking yourself and life too seriously.
Flexibility
Do you have the ability
to adapt yourself to quickly changing circumstances without losing your composure?
Tactfulness
Skill and grace in dealing with others. People show their lack of tact in many ways. The most
common are: A gruff and irritable tone of voice indicating that you are in a negative mental mood or displeased. Volunteering
opinions which have not been requested, and for which no reason exists, especially opinions on subjects with which one is
not familiar. Interrupting the speech of others, indicating one of the more frequent expressions of discourtesy, and lack
of culture. Expressing your dislike too freely.
Overworking the personal pronoun, "I". Asking favors
you haven't earned the right to request. Asking impertinent questions generally for impressing others with the questioner’s
importance, or his or her contempt of the one they are addressing. Injecting intimately personal subjects into conversations
where such actions have not been invited, and may be embarrassing to others. Going where one has not been invited. The habit
of trying to minimize another person’s achievements. Speaking disparagingly of people in the presence of their friends.
Common boastfulness.
Tolerance
Keep an open mind at all times. This applies to people and circumstances.
Frankness
In Manner And Speech
Always be straightforward and sincere. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Get
your point across in the shortest time with well-chosen words
A Keen Sense Of Justice
Doing
the right thing in dealing with people. Live by the golden rule.
Appropriate Choice
Of Words
The English language is filled with words, which carry every conceivable shade
of meaning. There is no excuse for the common habit of using words that offend others. And, of course, the use of profanity
at any time, or under any circumstances, is inexcusable and unnecessary.
Effective Speech
People
have risen to great heights of personal achievement because of their ability to sell themselves and their ideas through dramatization
of speech. The most important factor in effective speech is a thorough knowledge of the subject on which you are speaking.
All the rules of effective speaking can be stated in one sentence. Know what you want to say, say it with all the emotional
feeling at your command, and then sit down.
Versatility
Popular people are versatile.
They have at least a surface knowledge of many subjects. They are interested in other people and in other people’s ideas.
Control Of Temper
The person who lets his or
her temper fly off in all directions is sure to receive negative feedback. The most common injury an uncontrolled temper inflicts
is that which results from an uncontrolled tongue.
Effective Showmanship
Have
a sense or knack for dramatically effective presentation. Pizzazz.
Clean Sportsmanship
Show
graciousness in winning and in losing, and, in getting or not getting what you want.
The
Ability To Shake Hands Properly
We all know how uncomfortable it is when someone
squeezes your hand too hard. Also, a limp handshake leaves a poor impression. The person who shakes hands properly coordinates
his or her handshake with their words of greeting, generally emphasizing each word with a firm grip of the hand. They do not
release the other person's hand until they finish their greeting.
Making Decisions
Promptly
Successful men and women reach decisions quickly and act on them promptly.
Faith In Infinite Intelligence
Stay
in harmony with the Supreme Being that created this universe, whoever you think your creator is.
Enthusiasm
Enthusiasm is to go forward every morning with the thrill of being alive.
How Did You Rate Yourself?
All
around the world, in every walk of life, there is a common desire most people have: To be - liked, loved, popular, attractive,
admired, respected, recognized, listened to, and considered important. To achieve this goal, a person would have to develop
many positive qualities.
Studying the “personal ads” in the newspapers, these were the most popular qualities
I found that people are looking for in others. They want someone who has as many of these qualities as possible:
They want someone who is:
- active
- adaptable
- adventurous
- affectionate
- a good conversationalist
- a good listener
- ambitious
- amusing
- a sharp dresser
- blissful
- calm
- caring
- cheerful
- classy
- committed
- compassionate
- confident
- considerate
- courteous
- creative
- dedicated
- dependable
- down-to-earth
- easygoing
- emotionally available
- energetic
- ethical
- even-tempered
- firm
- flexible
- fun
- gentle
- honest
- intelligent
- lovable
- loyal
- mature
- non-controlling
- non-judgmental
- non-manipulative
- open-minded
- optimistic
- outgoing
- patient
- playful
- positive
- reliable
- romantic
- sensitive
- sensual
- serious minded
- sharing
- sincere
- smart
- sophisticated
- spiritual
- spontaneous
- stable
- strong
- stylish
- tactful
- tender
- tolerant
- trim
- unencumbered
- unselfish
- warm-hearted
- well groomed
- witty
Someone who has a good sense of humor, a good vocabulary,
a good imagination, a pleasing tone of voice, a warm smile, good facial expressions, hope, ambition and high expectations,
good health, and someone who has and shows “class.” A person who has and projects:
Charm, Presence, Charisma and Personal Magnetism.
Your personality is the sum total of your mental, spiritual and physical traits, habits, characteristics, your emotional tendencies and appearances
– which distinguishes you -- from all others.
The way you carry yourself -
the vitality of your body. Your behavior, actions, and conduct. The clothes you wear - the lines in your face - the tone of
your voice - the thoughts you think - and the character you have developed by those thoughts.
It’s
the factor that, more than all others -- determines whether one is liked -- or disliked by others. To realize prosperity you
need to build a powerful magnetic personality that attracts people to you.
There
are many people who can look through your eyes - into your heart - and see that which is written there - by the nature of
your most secret thoughts.
THE MOST DISTINCTIVE QUALITIES OF AN ATTRACTIVE PERSONALITY.
Have you noticed how some people look right past you sometimes as if you weren’t even there;
as if you were unimportant and didn’t really matter. How does that make you feel?
So
many people really believe that they have a great personality, charm and charisma, when in reality, they don’t. They are haughty and on an ego-trip. They have an exaggerated sense
of self-importance. Their vocabulary is mostly I, I, I, and me, me, me.
It doesn’t
matter how pretty or how handsome they are - how elegantly dressed they are - or how sharp their car is. They turn others
off! They are turned on with themselves, but they are all alone. Stay away from negative thinkers and joy killers - their
influence is deadly.
Either you are filled with dynamic personal magnetism and have the ability and power to magnetize
and energize those around you - or you lack magnetism.
Because of your lack of personal magnetism and power, you will
often end up being led and influenced to think things and do things and say things that may not necessarily be good for your
well-being.
Positive Personal Magnetism: This is used to increase the vitality of others, to arouse magnetism in them
and to win them by enthusiasm. It causes others to want to be around you, because they end up feeling better about themselves
- I like me best when I’m around you.
Andrew Carnegie, at one time the richest man in the world, rated a pleasing
personality at the head of the list of qualifications for success, and went so far as to say, “Personality could often be substituted for brains.”
What is an “attractive personality? It’s a personality that attracts!
Your personality can be developed and perfected to such a degree that you will naturally radiate intelligence, charm, poise and perfection.
With this tremendous magnetism you will attract more love, friendship, business, cooperation,
support, rapport, followers, money, happiness, and peace of mind, better mental emotional and physical health, vitality and
energy.
Developing And Projecting Presence
What Does It Mean
To Have Presence?
It’s the way in which, or the quality by which you
outwardly project your personality. The way you carry yourself. Your behavior, actions, and conduct.
Some people are
present at a party or gathering, or at a function - but nobody notices them. They are present - but they have no presence.
However, a person with real presence can come into that same room and their presence can be felt immediately. There
is something special about them - they seem to look important, intelligent and very alert and tuned in to everyone in that
room, almost as if they can read everyone’s mind. When you look them in the eyes, it seems that they know all about
you. Yet, somehow, you like them, respect them and maybe even envy them. They create excitement. They act in such a way that
people think they are celebrities. They project intelligence and awareness. They have pizzazz and vigor. There is an air of
excitement all around them.
What are some things you can do to develop your presence
- so that wherever you go - you cause others to look at you - notice you - watch you - become aware of you - stare at you
- respect you - admire you - imitate you - follow you?
Make a list:
1.
2.
3.
4.
Personal Magnetism
What Is Personal
Magnetism?
Personal Magnetism is the ability to arouse, attract, and add vitality in another person. People
love to be around those that make them feel alive and important.
How Do You Do That?
Concentrate throughout
each day on giving others your approval and recognition.
Make them feel important,
special, liked and loved; they, in turn, will consider you important and give you their approval.
Really listen to
them. Look them in the eyes. Get interested in them. Learn to like them.
You will
brighten their room every time you enter.
If you can’t get interested in them
- they won’t get interested in you - and if you don’t like them - they won’t like you.
As you walk
down the street, repeat this affirmation to yourself – “I like people - and I radiate warmth and friendship to
all” - and do it sincerely - with feeling - you will cause others to smile back at you.
Developing And Radiating
Natural Charm
Beauty Tips From Audrey Hepburn - Written By Audrey Hepburn.
For Attractive Lips, Speak Words
Of Kindness.
For Lovely Eyes, Seek Out The Good In People.
For A Slim Figure, Share Your Food With The Hungry.
For
Beautiful Hair, Let A Child Run His Or Her Fingers Through It Once A Day.
For Poise, Walk With The Knowledge You'll
Never Walk Alone.
People, Even More Than Things, Have To Be Restored, Renewed, Revived, Reclaimed, And Redeemed; Never
Throw Out Anybody.
Remember, If You Ever Need A Helping Hand, You'll Find One At The End Of Your Arm.
As You
Grow Older, You Will Discover That You Have Two Hands, One For Helping Yourself, The Other For Helping Others.
The Beauty Of A Woman Is Not In The Clothes She Wears, The Figure That She Carries, Or The Way
She Combs Her Hair. The Beauty Of A Woman Must Be Seen From In Her Eyes, Because That Is The Doorway To Her Heart, The Place
Where Love Resides.
The Beauty Of A Woman Is Not In A Facial Mole, But True Beauty
In A Woman Is Reflected In Her Soul. It Is The Caring That She Lovingly Gives, The Passion That She Shows. And The Beauty
Of A Woman With Passing Years Only Grows!
Filling Your Body Language And Facial Expressions
With Sizzling Vitality
A
University of California Professor taught that there are over 100,000 ways a person speaks without opening their mouth. This
is called Non-Verbal Communications. Or, Body Language.
The way you look and your
facial expressions - Your posture - The way you walk - Your inner thoughts - Your attitude - Your habits and mannerisms -
The clothes you wear - Your personal grooming - The people you associate with – And the look in your eyes all speak
as much as your voice. You can tell at a glance by the expression on a person’s face; the nature of that persons character.
You can learn a great deal of what is going on in a person’s mind.
Your eyes
also reveal your thoughts - if you are thinking negative about others - they will see it in your eyes. There is a universal
non-verbal language. If you don’t like someone, they will know. People can pick up your “vibes.”
The smile, the tone of voice and the expression on one’s face are like open windows through
which all who will - may see and feel what takes place in the minds of people - a smart person will know when to keep those
windows open or closed. Any intelligent person can read your expressions and tell if you are rude, arrogant, egotistical,
selfish, impatient, or haughty. It will show on the outside.
Faces don’t turn people off or on - it’s what
others see and read in the face. The look of doubt, worry, fear and gloom - may not turn others off - but it won’t turn
them on.
Lawyers who are clever at questioning witnesses in court often have great
ability to judge, by the expression on the witnesses face, when the witness is lying or telling the truth.
Master salespeople can tell by the expression on a prospects face when they have the prospects interest and
when to close the sale.
The Habit Of Smiling:
It
requires only 12 muscles to smile - 103 muscles to frown.
When we smile at another
person it puts them at ease and raises their self esteem. It also releases endorphins in your brain that gives you a feeling
of well-being and contentment.
The habit of smiling is directly related to an individual’s
mental attitude, and it discloses the nature of his or her mental attitude with almost perfect means of identity.
Your smile will change the mental attitude of those with whom you come into conduct. Practice
in front of a mirror until you are able to harmonize the tone of your voice with your smile.
The End
For Information
About Successercising Book Or To Order:www.successercising.com
Rick Gettle
The Master Mind Alliance
President/Founder
Online Success Club Meetings:
E-mail: MasterMindAllianceSuccessClub@msn.com
Websites: www.master-mind-alliance.com
and www.Successercising.com
Copyright © 2004 The Master Mind Alliance International
Permission is granted to reproduce
or distribute this article for all nonprofit purposes only in its entirety and provided copyright, author’s name, and
contact information are all included. For other uses, permission in writing from Successercising@msn.com is required.
Author's Bio: Success Achievement teacher, consultant, writer and
speaker since 1970
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If you choose, which I hope you do, to click on the above link to watch this
Today Show video - Please when you get there look down the list for this title, "Try tenderness at work" and then click on
the supplied link - it's a java command which doesn't work here! It's worth the little extra effort to get there!
Men, Women, and Tenderness
EDWARD SRI
Holding hands, sharing an embrace or a kiss —
these can be innocent expressions of love. But without great vigilance and virtue, these outward expressions can easily become
a form of utilitarianism that actually ends up driving two people farther apart from each other and preventing love from fully
developing.
John Paul II — then Karol Wojtyla —
makes this point when he addresses the topic of "tenderness" in his book Love and Responsibility.
Wojtyla explains that the essence of tenderness is found "in
the tendency to make one’s own the feelings and mental states of another person" (p. 201). This is a common experience
in romantic relationships, as men and women feel closely involved with the inner life of their beloved, entering into the
other person’s feelings and state of mind.
Tenderness also seeks outward expression. It’s not enough
to have an awareness of what is going on inside the other person. One also tends to seek to communicate that sense of closeness
to his beloved. "I feel the need to let the other ‘I’ know that I take his feelings and his state of mind to heart,
to make this other human being feel that I am sharing it all, that I am feeling what he feels" (pp. 201-2). We thus express
this tenderness through various outward actions: holding a person to one’s chest, putting one’s arms around the
other, kissing the other person.
Going Too Far?
The experience of many young people bears this out. In the beginning
stages of a relationship, a man and woman may begin to develop a good friendship. They may spend a lot of time going for walks,
going out for coffee, socializing in larger groups of people — always in good conversation with each other, getting
to know each other. But once the relationship becomes physical, those physical forms of intimacy increasingly become more
central to the relationship, while real communication, working through problems, and growing in virtue together gradually
takes a back seat.
And that should not surprise us. If we prematurely experience
the powerful feelings associated with sensual pleasure, we are less likely to cultivate the objective aspects of love (virtue,
friendship, commitment, self-giving), since those aspects require much more time, work, and sacrifice to develop. Why go through
all that effort when the sensual pleasure of love can be so easily and immediately obtained? Yet in reality, the giving or
receiving of tenderness, apart from the objective aspect of love, creates only the appearance of love, and it often covers
up the real underlying attitude driving a relationship: an egoism that is the very opposite of love.
That’s why we must be extremely careful in giving or receiving
acts of tenderness. Wojtyla says expressions of tenderness should always be accompanied by an even greater sense of responsibility
for the other person. "There can be no genuine tenderness without a perfected habit of continence, which has its origin in
a will always ready to show loving kindness, and so overcome the temptation merely to enjoy. . . . Without such continence,
the natural energies of sensuality, and the energies of sentiment drawn into their orbit, will become merely the ‘raw
material’ of sensual or at best emotional egoism" (p. 207)
The Tremors of Marriage
After treating the dangers of premature tenderness, which apply
especially to dating and courtship relationships, Wojtyla goes on to discuss the crucial role tenderness must play in a marriage.
Here he discusses not just the outward manifestations of tenderness, but more fundamentally, tenderness itself. In marriage,
tenderness should involve "the steady participation of emotion, of a durable commitment to love, for it is this that brings
a man and a woman close together, creates an interior climate of ‘communicativeness’" (p. 206). He then says that
"a great deal" of this kind of tenderness is needed in a marriage.
In this context, Wojtyla offers a second, even fuller definition
of tenderness, in light of how it applies to the spousal relationship: "Tenderness is the ability to feel with and for
the whole person, to feel even the most deeply hidden spiritual tremors, and always to have in mind the true good of
that person" (p. 207). What a powerful description! To feel "the most deeply hidden spiritual tremors." Do you feel what is
going on most deeply in the soul of your spouse? Her hopes, her fears, her burdens, her wounds? Wojtyla challenges spouses
to have hearts that are truly united, truly able to enter into the inner lives of one another. He writes, "Tenderness creates
a feeling of not being alone, a feeling that her or his whole life is equally the content of another and very dear person’s
life. This conviction very greatly facilitates and reinforces their sense of unity" (p. 207).
Women and Tenderness
Wojtyla says women not only expect this type of tenderness from
their husbands, but that they actually have a special right to it in marriage. He gives three reasons for why husbands need
to enter deeply into the emotional lives of their wives.
First, at the most basic level, the woman’s emotional
life is generally deeper than the man’s. Therefore, the woman has a greater need for tenderness, in a way that men may
have a difficult time understanding since they don’t share that need as much.
Second, the woman gives herself to the man. When a
woman gets married, she typically leaves her home and her mother and father in order to join herself to her husband. Since
women generally have a much richer emotional life, they may feel this breakaway from home more acutely than men, especially
if they come from a close-knit family and a strong relationship with their parents. While most men look forward to leaving
home and starting the new adventure of married life, some women, while experiencing this excitement, also experience a sense
of loss as they leave the people they have been most emotionally invested in throughout their lives to join themselves to
their husbands. Therefore, the woman has an even greater need for her husband to enter into her feelings and state of mind
as she goes through this transition and surrenders herself in marriage.
Third, the woman goes through extremely important and difficult
experiences in her life (e.g., pregnancy, childbirth, nursing, caring for a newborn, leaving a job, staying at home). Some
women feel very alone in the midst of these new experiences. Therefore, they have a special need for tenderness from their
husbands as they go through these transitions.
The Challenge to Men
Wojtyla challenges men to do much more than provide for their
wives financially or take care of things around the house. He challenges husbands to enter deeply into their wives’
emotional lives — "to feel with and for the whole person." Men who get so caught up in work, sports, the nightly news,
or projects at home while remaining emotionally distant from their own wives fail to provide the kind of tenderness Wojtyla
is describing — the kind of tenderness that women have a special right to in marriage.
This challenge to men is especially important when their wives
become mothers, for that is perhaps when women need the tenderness of their husbands the most. Our culture does not fully
recognize the dignity and value of motherhood. Men in the workplace constantly earn praise, respect, and recognition for their
professional accomplishments, but mothers who choose to stay at home and dedicate their lives full-time to raising children
rarely receive such affirmation from the world. In fact, many times they are looked down upon.
An example from my own life: People often thank me for my books,
articles, and teaching. But few people in the world go out of their way to thank my wife for giving her life to our children,
whether it be for spiritual matters such as teaching them about Jesus and forming them in virtue, or for the more mundane
things like changing diapers, filling sippy cups, and reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar five times a day. Doing
the Catholic apostolic work of writing and teaching can be a good thing, but it pales in comparison to what my wife does at
home with our children.
However, our culture constantly affirms people for their
productivity and accomplishments outside of the home, but looks puzzlingly down on a woman who would choose to stay at home
to raise children. It’s no wonder many mothers feel very alone and begin to second-guess their state in life as they
transition from the workplace to motherhood. Therefore, especially in a culture like ours, men, more than ever before, need
to go out of their way to support their wives and enter into the many "spiritual tremors" they encounter through these important
events in their lives.
source site: click here
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