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 Behind Stress - Trauma is the Real Culprit
by Marian Mills
Stress is widely accredited
with being the prime suspect in the development of disease, whether this is seen as mainly emotional as in depression and
anxiety disorder, or physical such as with cancer or autoimmune conditions. But what causes the stress? Why are we finding
it so hard to adapt to our way of living, or to give it up and live stress-free lives? The answer is trauma – both big
‘T’ and little ‘t’ traumas – which have a dramatic impact on our mind and body’s ability
to adapt.
There is a health concept called homeostasis, which means the state of
natural bodily cycles, from arousal to passivity and back again. Recent research into the effects of trauma has shown that
this homeostatic balance can easily be disrupted and the swings become greater between the peaks of arousal and the troughs
of passivity. Each extremity of this increased swing has a different effect on the body and mind.
In peak arousal, when the
sympathetic nervous system is activated, the adrenal glands are operational, cortisol may flood the bloodstream, the parts
of the brain designed to detect and recognize threat are hyperactive, heart rate is raised
and the mouth goes dry. This is what we commonly call the “fight or flight” response. Symptoms that arise from
prolonged exposure to this state of being are often anxiety, panic disorder, high blood pressure, insomnia, phobias, diarrhea
and sickness.
At the other end of the spectrum, we experience the “freeze”
response. Although less well known, this also has its origins in our survival instincts. When a creature goes into freeze
response it is flooded with endorphins which block pain – useful if you are about to be killed or eaten. Most mammals
then shake this off and go into fight or flight, whereas in humans, we have suppressed this natural release mechanism. In
this state, where the parasympathetic nervous system is overly activated over time, we see the development of symptoms of
fatigue, dissociation, indigestion and gut disorders such as IBS, and accompanying dulling of mental activities.
Robert Scaer[1] believes that 100% of the population has been traumatized at some point and he defines trauma as a perceived life threat whilst feeling helpless. How do we achieve this and why don’t
we recognize it?
Trauma begins either before or at our birth. Natural birth facilitates
bonding in those precious moments after birth where both mother and baby are flooded with oxytocin. That bonding has a significant
impact on the baby’s brain development, because it stimulates the part of the brain that regulates the emotional brain
and the autonomic brain and results in a well-adjusted child able to unconsciously control excessive swings of neurological
activity.
The development of the bond between mother and newborn baby is critical
and creates more resiliency than any other factor which in turn predisposes the individual to more healthy responses to future
traumas.
Most babies born in the west in the past 150 years have experienced a significant
disruption to that bonding process, whether through the use of anesthesia, surgical intervention or forced separation from
the mother for medical reasons. This creates disruption in the brain which can last for the remainder of the individual’s
life. It also leaves the individual more vulnerable to further trauma. This has made a huge impact on the neurological stability of the population and on its own could well
account for the majority of disease that we see so prevalent in the West.
Almost
all of us have some ongoing disruption in the part of our brain that assesses threat levels
(amygdala) and this means that even low-grade
threats become viewed as threats to our very survival. The way the brain is regulated
also means that social activity can only take place when we feel sufficiently safe to engage with others.
We see this in the obstructive
and defiant responses from teenagers often portrayed in the media. But socialization also dampens the activity of the amygdala,
so making us feel safer. If we look at how our communities have broken down and with them, our opportunities for casual social interactions, we see
that all too many of us can go through weeks without the social activities that used to be taken for granted. It is not surprising
therefore that many people suffering anxiety and depression, or cancer, MS, ME, AIDS and other ailments can become very isolated.
Although EFT can be used as a self-healing technique, the socialization affect on
the brain might account for the reason that many people find that they can heal better with the aid of a therapist. They have
a relationship with that person which creates feelings of safety and security that they do not have elsewhere in their life.
Studies have revealed that there
is a clear link between our early experiences of trauma and later development of life-threatening disease. This is not, however,
currently well known in medical literature, only in behavioural studies. EFT practitioners are finding this to be true in
their work and every day more reports flood into Gary Craig of healing physical and emotional pain through trauma release.
EFT can enable healing for traumas that have been held in the body for any length
of time. This diminishes the effects on the physical and mental systems and allows a return to homeostasis. Whether dis-ease
and illness is already present or symptoms of past traumas are evident, the use of EFT can greatly enhance the body’s
resiliency capacity. No longer does the ‘freeze’ response have to be the only response to a small ‘t’
trauma.
If you are suffering with symptoms of past traumas, whether that is physical
illness or mental and emotional dis-harmony, here are some pointers for you
• The Tearless Trauma technique,
which isn’t actually as “tearless” as it suggests but does dramatically reduce the risks of re-traumatization compared with other therapies.
• Matrix Reimprinting and ECHOs are useful techniques
to investigate.
• Work with a practitioner who specializes in Inner
Child healing.
• It is important to treat yourself kindly and gently
when working through trauma. Take time out to relax, take walks in the countryside, meditate or follow guided visualization,
eat well and drink plenty of water.
• You will need to be persistent and patient. Take your
time because the end result will be worth it. Healing trauma can be like coaxing a frightened rescue animal out of the corner
of the room where it is cowering and getting it to trust you. [1]Resources for Dr. Robert Scaer Videos www.brainguidance.com/robertscaervideo.html www.consciosmedianetwork.com: Books: The Body Bears the Burden: Trauma, Dissociation and Disease The Trauma Spectrum: Hidden Wounds and Human Resiliency
Author's Bio
Marian Mills is an EFT Practitioner specialising in healing broken hearts
so that they can shine with Joy and Passion. Using EFT to release the past pain of rejection, abandonment, trauma, loss and
shame allows our true divine nature of joy, passion, energy, enthusiasm and well-being to shine through.
Understanding the Stress Response
by Dennis Hart LPCc MEd
With high levels of stress running rampant in our society,
it's more important than ever to learn ways to relax. In order to do this, it is helpful to understand what's going on physically
and emotionally during periods of high stress.
When a person is in a calm and relaxed state, the "firing" of neurons
in the brain is minimal. When a threat is perceived however, be it real or imagined, it is relayed from the sensory cortex
of the brain through the hypothalamus to the brain stem. This causes the brain to begin firing neurons in the brain, particularly
adrenaline. This response is known as the fight or flight response.
Physical components of the stress response
With
the release of stress hormones and neurons in the brain, an individual who perceives a threat to his or her well being, will
experience numerous physical reactions in preparation for "fight or flight". These include the following:
* Increased
heart rate
* Rapid, shallow breathing
* Paling or flushing, or alternating between both
* Constriction of blood vessels
in many parts of the body
* The release of nutrients for muscular action
* Dilation of blood vessels for muscles
*
Dilation of the pupils
* Relaxation of bladder
* loss of hearing
* Tunnel Vision (loss of peripheral vision)
*
Acceleration of instantaneous reflexes
Males and females may deal with stressful situations differently. Males are
prone to respond with a fight response (aggression), while females are more likely to respond with a flight response (withdrawal).
Psychological
and physical impact of the stress response
It's easy to see the benefits of the fight or flight response. It's essential
that we be able to fight off or flee from an aggressor or life threatening situation. But lets face it, despite the media's
portrayal of the world as such a dangerous place, the world in which we live is much safer than that of our prehistoric ancestors.
We rarely encounter situations which require the fight or flight response for our survival. Unfortunately, the brain doesn't
do a very good job of differentiating between real and imagined threats to our well being and the fight or flight response
may be triggered unnecessarily.
This repeated triggering of the stress response can significantly impact physical
and emotional functioning.The stress response halts or slows down sexual response and the digestive system to focus on the
stress at hand, leading to constipation, erectile dysfunction, difficulty urinating, and difficulty maintaining sexual arousal.
Prolonged exposure to stress may lead to suppression of the immune system, leaving the body open to infection, high blood
pressure and heart disease. In addition to the physical impact of stress, chronic stress is associated with increased emotional
instability and mental disorders, including generalized anxiety disorder, phobias and obsessive compulsive disorder.
Considering
the stressful times in which we live, and the negative impact that chronic stress can have on our minds and bodies, it shouldn't
come as any surprise that that stress related illness is common in our society. In fact, it's estimated that between 75%-90%
of all doctor's visits are stress related.
The good news is that anxiety and stress related illness are preventable
and very treatable. The bad news? Few people take the time and energy to address these issues, and most end up suffering unnecessarily.
Stress management training, while beneficial, is only offered by a small percentage of companies, and employers continue to
largely ignore this serious issue. Hopefully, this is a trend which will reverse itself in time, but in the meantime, slow
down, step back and take a deep breath and remember that "this too shall pass".
Author's Bio
Dennis Hart is A Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor in the state of
Ohio. He provides counseling, coaching and comprehensive stress management training to individuals, groups and organizations.
He is available for phone and internet coaching as well as face to face services. Contact Dennis at 866-784-3018 for a free
consultation, or visit his website at www.growandbewell.com
Complacency Threatens Marriages
by Billy D. Haddock, Ph.D.
“I’d like an appointment
today, after 5 pm,” he said. “I work out of town and took the week off to save my marriage,” he explained.
It was Thursday. He went on to explain that his wife wasn’t willing to take off work to come in during regular hours.
When asked how he learned of my work, he said he picked the name out of the Yellow Pages. I suspected this marriage was suffering
from complacency.
Complacency, an overconfident satisfaction with oneself or feeling of smugness, drives many marriages, families, and, even organizations, into trouble by ignoring important
issues.
“Competitors” threaten marriages. After the initial romance wears off or after several successful, enjoyable years behind them, many marriages become complacent. Children and careers compete for attention, time, and energy.
Pursuit of money, power, or recognition also competes against a marriage. “The competition,” whatever the source,
constantly looks over your shoulder.
Concerned spouses fight complacency within their
boundaries while monitoring the threat of “competitors” from without. Many people
suffer from a tendency to filter out certain information that does not agree with “their” reality, even if it
is true and factual. These same people also tend to believe (filter in) information that is not true or factual, simply because
it fits with “their” sense of reality.
Referred to as, “having
your blinders on” or “ego traps,” this kind of thinking is actually a form of denial that involves neglect. Lack of attention to early warning signs
only escalates problems to a crisis level. You have to be willing and able to see, accept reality, and deal with the threats now.
In the 50’s or 60’s, people
lived with a fair amount of complacency in their marriage, but times have changed dramatically. On a 1-10 scale of satisfaction, in the good old days, a marriage might function at a three or a four and still hold up against “the competition.”
Now people demand six’s, seven's, and eight's . . . and experience it for short periods.
Research on marriages supports
this idea. John Gottman, professor at the University of Washington, reports that a marriage is in trouble if it functions
below a 51% level of positive interactions. Remaining at the three or four that people settled for in the past, holding steadfastly
to your ideals, and resisting change of any sort, may lead you to divorce court.
Having
an outside, objective check-up done on your marriage is one way to fight complacency. Gradually, we are learning that the
easiest time to correct a problem is before it becomes costly. In marriages, complacency contributes to division.
At least one spouse (if not
both) is often too close to notice the threats of complacency. An outside advisor offers an objective, informed opinion. If
you listen carefully, they often raise important questions regarding your relationship and how well it is functioning. Too
many marriages pay a huge price because they wait too long for that “check-up.” Some are not able to recover.
It is more difficult, expensive and time consuming to correct a problem that has been quietly and unnoticeably building into
a crisis.
We wrongly think, “divorce won’t happen to us.” We magically
think we are immune and we know what we are doing! Partners procrastinate in seeking outside help and/or hold back because
of the expense. This procrastination leads to a delay that costs the marriage more in the long-term than immediate problem
solving.
Marriages in trouble from complacency and stagnation are often vulnerable to “the competitors.” A wise counselor or consultant acts as a healthy third party that helps improve the functioning of the relationship. Having the
foresight to call in professional help makes good sense. It is time we began developing these qualities within our marriages.
Good leadership and good marriages go together. How do you rate your marriage? - B.H.
Author's Bio
Dr. Bill Haddock , a licensed professional
counselor, marriage and family therapist, and chemical dependency counselor, is the owner and primary service provider of
Silent Partners, a counseling & consulting business, located in College Station. He holds a Ph.D. in Educational Psychology
from Texas A&M University and a M.S. in Counseling & Guidance from Texas A&M University - Commerce, formerly East Texas
State University.
His expertise is in the treatment of addictive behaviors, family systems, stress management, depression
and suicide. As a consultant, Dr. Haddock has worked with a variety of agencies & businesses in various capacities.
Dr.
Haddock has 29 years clinical experience and has been in private practice in Bryan/College Station for almost 21 years.
How to Divorce-Proof Your Relationship
by Martin A. Phillips-Hing, Ph.D.
I
am writing this article while flying over some spectacular snow-covered mountains in Northern British Columbia, Canada. In
fact, I just read that these mountains have been featured in Hollywood movies as substitutes for the Himalayas.The view is
of large peaks and deep valleys. At the bottom of most of the deeper valleys are what appear to be relatively small streams
and rivers. Actually, the rivers seem almost inconsequential and powerless in light of the mountains surrounding them. Yes,
you probably guessed where I’m going with this. Over time, a small persistent stream can have a very significant impact
on a mountain. Common knowledge, but how does this relate to divorce-proofing a relationship.
I will often see couples
in therapy where problems have built up for so long that by the time they seek assistance they have developed some very ingrained,
long-standing patterns of negativity and poor communication. According to psychologist Dr. John Gottman – a leading
researcher of what contributes to marital difficulties – on average, couples wait 6 years after experiencing difficulties
before seeking therapy. Usually, it is not one big issue – such as infidelity – that ultimately leads to separation
and divorce. Rather, it is the small persistent negative interactions that are more likely to destroy a relationship. Another
study – The California Divorce Mediation Project – found that approximately 80% of divorces were the result of
couples becoming emotionally distant and drifting apart.
Gottman studied over 600 couples and the research has extended
over 30 years. He was able to identify factors that could predict which couples divorced and which stayed together. He found
that statistically, divorces tended to happen most frequently at two points – approximately 5 years and then at 16 years
into a relationship. One hypothesis is that too much negative interaction has built-up over the first five years and at 16
years people are frequently emotionally disengaged and are essentially co-existing together without any significant emotional
connection. In my experience, I have found that sometimes once the children are older and no longer as dependent – a
relationship which was primarily “staying together for the kids” no longer has a reason to continue and at that
point one or both will seek to end the relationship. Sometimes this comes as a shock to one party who “didn’t
know it was that bad.”
~ approximately 80% of divorces were the result of couples becoming emotionally distant
and drifting apart ~
According to Gottman, one consistent predictor of divorce is whether or not we tend to have positive
or negative styles of interacting with each other. A positive interaction can be as simple as smiling, complimenting one another
or expressing appreciation. A negative interaction can be an irritable or sarcastic remark, spending the evening watching
separate televisions, criticizing or expressing contempt. The last point – contempt – Gottman calls “sulphuric
acid for relationships” and is a significant predictor of divorce. Another interesting finding is if a disagreement
is started in a combative and harsh manner – more than 90% of the time that is also how it will end. So if we start
a discussion in a calm and soft manner – e.g., “This is not a big deal, but I would like to tell you how I feel
before it builds up…” – it is more likely to end positively.
So, given that some negative interactions
are bound to occur, how much positive versus negative interaction will divorce-proof our relationships? If we say or do something
negative, should we then try to say one thing positive? Well, it would be a good start but you should probably keep going
and do 5 positive interactions for every negative one. Gottman videotaped couples’ interactions and found that relationships
that stayed together had a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. Interestingly, the relationships that eventually
broke up actually were almost 1 to 1 (specifically 0.8 positive to 1 negative interaction). Why is it that we need to exhibit
much more positive than negative behaviours for a healthy relationship? Well, it’s not exactly clear, however, one hypothesis
is that we are hyper-vigilant or extra-sensitive to negative experiences. For example, if our ancestors thousands of years
ago ate a yellow berry with black spots on it and then became violently ill for three days. It would be a pretty smart and
adaptive thing to remember that “yellow black-spotted berries” were bad. The next time they saw a crop of the
berries – even if it was years later – it would likely trigger the negative aversive memory of being ill and they
would remember not to eat them. That is, we are very good at remembering threats to our physical safety – this is simply
an adaptive survival mechanism.
Similarly, we are very good at remembering social, emotional and psychological threats
or what we perceive to be threats. So when our partners are verbally hurtful, neglectful or critical, we are likely to raise
our defenses and become extra-sensitive to future threats. Unfortunately, we may end up taking positive interactions for granted
as they are less likely to seriously harm or kill us. Consequently, we will need more positives to offset the negatives. Actually,
Gottman recommends up to a 20 to 1 ratio to offset negative interactions! Wow, that seems like an awful lot of work…
but so is a messy divorce and years of loneliness, bitterness and bad relationships. At the risk of over-simplifying a complicated
issue such as relationship health, generally, the idea is to re-orient your interactions with your partner and try to focus
on sending and receiving more positives than negatives and slowly over time – like the stream – we are likely
to build a healthier more ‘divorce-proof’ relationship. Finally, try this formula with your other relationships
also – friends, family, co-workers and children – and you might be surprised to see that it actually works there
as well.
Author's Bio
Dr. Martin Phillips-Hing is a registered psychologist (#1361) with
a private practice at Oakhill Counselling and Mediation Services in Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada. Comments or questions
can be sent to him via his website - www.psychologist1.com
How To Identify Severe Dissociative Disorders After Trauma
by Maggie Kerrigan, MA LPC
Tom was stunned. The last he remembered he was at home enjoying
a cold Sunday winter morning with his family. And now… well, he found himself at a biker’s bar. Instead of his
fashionable trousers and shirt, he was wearing leather chaps and jacket. To his shock, he was holding a cigarette in one hand
and a beer in the other. He hated both.
A woman, whom he didn’t recognize, called to him, addressing him as
John. She wanted to know if he wanted to join everyone for a ride on the bikes to the mountains. Tom did not know how to answer.
John, whoever he was, certainly was not him! Tom had no interests in bikes nor had he ever rode one; he liked driving his
BMW if he wanted to go into the mountains with wine, not beer, in the trunk. Something was terribly wrong and he was terrified.
Tom’s experience is not uncommon for those who experience severe dissociative disorders- those experiences,
which are not induced by use of drugs, that severely disrupt our memory, identity, perceptions and our ability to function
in our daily lives.
DISSOCIATION: FROM MILD TO SEVERE
In a previous article entitled, “ Has Dissociation
After a Trauma Left You Feeling Spacey?” I described how dissociation helps us cope with overwhelming threats. Dissociation-
the experience of feeling spacey, having time go in slow motion, or a sense of floating outside of your body- can range from
mild to severe. In mild cases, the symptoms are transient; after the threat passes, we return to feeling and acting like ourselves.
Some people, however, live their lives in a dissociated state long after the threatening events, which are usually related
to prolonged and severe childhood abuse, have passed. By knowing what to look for to help identify severe dissociation, you
can better choose the care you need to recover from severe trauma.
5 Questions To Ask To Help You Identify Severe
Dissociation
1. Do you experience severe memory loss?
As in the example above, you cannot remember significant
things about yourself. These can include: how you arrived at a strange place, your address or other important identifying
information, skills you learned as a child or what season it is.
2. Does your physical body or emotions seem unfamiliar?
When
this happens, you may feel invisible to others or as though you are viewing yourself as someone in a strange movie. Your mind
can become cloudy so that you lose the ability to respond to danger appropriately.
3. Does your environment and all
that is happening around you become unreal?
What should be familiar appears very foreign. Even people who are close to
you appear as strangers. Objects appear distorted and may change shape or color.
4. Do you feel as though you are
split into several different people?
Rather than having beliefs, goals and ideals that are fairly consistent throughout
your adult life, you have ongoing intense daily struggles as to who you are and what you think. At times, you may even wonder
if you are male or female.
5. Have others commented about how your personality changes significantly?
Those close
to you notice how you will act, think and feel a certain way then shift to another and very different way of looking and acting.
You may use different names, change your penmanship dramatically, speak other languages or perform certain tasks even though
you don’t remember learning how to do them. John, in the story above, had very different tastes in dress and habits
than the family man named Tom.
How Are Dissociative Disorders Diagnosed?
There are several forms of dissociative
disorders with the most serious being Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder. Completing
a special psychological test that is administered by a person trained in psychological testing usually provides a formal diagnosis.
One such test is called the “Steinberg Clinical Interview for DSM-IV Dissociative Disorders” or SCID-D. A sample
of this test is in an easy-to-read book entitled The Stranger in the Mirror: Dissociation: The Hidden Epidemic by Marlene
Steinberg, MD and Maxine Schnall, © 2001 by Harper Collins Publishers. By completing this sample test, you will know if you
should pursue formal testing and work with a therapist trained specifically in dissociative disorders.
BUT WAIT…..
I’m
afraid, if I talk to someone about these weird symptoms, I will start to think I am crazy, never mind what others will think!
Having
things like severe memory loss and confusion about whether you are male or female combined with feeling like you are living
in someone else’s body can be alarming, to say the least. Working with a therapist, who is trained in identifying dissociative
disorders, can actually be huge relief.
For example, by providing you with a correct diagnosis, you can avoid the ineffectual
medical and therapy treatments that come with being mistakenly diagnosed with other conditions such as schizophrenia or bipolar. In addition, a trained therapist will help you see how being
able to dissociate saved your life and kept you from actually going crazy!
I saw a therapist who said that there
is no such thing as multiple personality disorder and that I was making it all up. Should I believe him?
Fortunately, more
therapists are accepting the reality that severe abuse can lead to severe dissociative disorders and they are getting training
in how to work with them. While some clients may try to fake the symptoms of dissociative disorders, psychological tests combined
with clinical interviews are very good tools for identifying who actually has dissociative identity disorder, formerly known
as multiple personality disorder. You can find a list of professionals who know about dissociation through the International
Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation (www.isst-d.org).
I heard that someone with severe dissociative disorders
really couldn’t be healed. It’s something you just have to live with. If that’s the case, why should I even
try to find a therapist?
For many years, this was the case; clinicians misdiagnosed individuals and they did not have specialized
skills to address the needs of these clients. As we better understand the physiology of what happens in trauma through the
work of such people as Dr. Peter Levine, PhD along with how trauma distorts our thinking and emotional development, therapy
is much more effective in diminishing the body’s need to dissociate. Length of treatment will depend on how often and
to what degree you dissociate.
A CASE STUDY TO ILLUSTRATE SEVERE DISSOCIATION
Several years ago, a colleague consulted
with me about a client she suspected had a dissociative disorder. At her request, I met with Michael (not his real name) for
several years.
Michael worked for the military in a high security position. He was very bright and earned praise and recognition
from his superiors. In my office, however, Michael showed different parts of himself quite different than the hard working
computer wiz. Sometimes, he spoke with a little boy’s voice; other times, he talked and took on the body gestures of
Mr. Tough Guy who knew how to have a good time at the bars.
Michael was very conscientious about keeping his appointments,
until one day when another part of him took him miles away from his home and my office. When he called to let me know where
he was, he sounded scared and said he had no idea what route he had taken to get there. While there, he realized that he had
made some purchases of furniture for which he had no need. He was quite confused as to what to do next.
I spoke to Michael,
asking all of his parts to listen in. I explained that it was important for Michael to arrive safely home and asked that the
other parts rest while he drove home. In addition, I asked one of his nurturing parts, who went by the name of Steve, to comfort
the younger parts who could be frightened by this unexpected trip. Steve, in his baritone voice, reassured me he would do
this.
SUMMING IT ALL UP
Dissociative symptoms can range from mild to severe. Formal diagnosis of the exact nature
of the dissociation is made through the use of special tests. It is possible to significantly reduce the amount and number
of times you dissociate by working with a therapist specially trained in dissociation. Severe dissociative symptoms are most
often the result of prolonged and intense childhood abuse. As a result you may experience:
1. Severe memory loss
2.
Feeling as though you are a stranger to yourself
3. Having your environment seem unfamiliar
4. Feeling as though you
are split into different people
5. Having others close to you comment that you seem to have very different personalities.
Author's Bio
Maggie is a License Professional Counselor, who has worked in the field
of trauma since 1990. Post graduate training following instruction in Contemplative Psychotherapy at Naropa University included
completion of study in Somatic Experiencing, a short-term naturalistic approach to the resolution and healing of trauma developed
by Dr. Peter Levine, and Hakomi, a body-centered psychotherapy which assists with healing of childhood wounds.
Specializing
in working with those with dissociative disorders, she has also completed study with and is a member of The International
Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation. As a massage therapist for over 10 years, she worked collaboratively with
psychotherapists to facilitate greater body awareness in individuals, who had experienced childhood sexual abuse.
In
addition to maintaining a private practice, Maggie is an adjunct instructor at Naropa University and an emergency mental health
clinician in the public health sector.
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excerpt from the website: smart marriages - click on the
link below to read the remainder of this article!
HOW THERAPISTS THREATEN MARRIAGES
William J. Doherty
(TheResponsive Community, 7, 31-42)
Soon after her wedding Marsha
felt something was terribly wrong with her marriage. She and her husband Paul had moved across the country following a big
church wedding in their home town. Marsha was obsessed with fears that she had made a big mistake in marrying Paul.
She focused on Paul's ambivalence about the Christian faith, his avoidance of personal topics of communication, and his tendency to criticize her when she expressed her worries and fears.
Marsha sought help at the
university student counseling center where she and Paul were graduate students. The counselor worked with her alone for a few sessions and then invited Paul in for marital therapy.
Paul, who was frustrated and angry about how distant and fretful Marsha had become, was a reluctant participant the counseling. In addition to the marital problems, Marsha was suffering from clinical depression: she couldn't sleep or concentrate, she felt sad all the time, and she felt like a failure.
Medication began to relieve some of these symptoms, but she was still upset about the state of her marriage. After a highly charged session with
this distressed wife and angry, reluctant husband, the counselor met with Marsha separately the next week. She told Marsha that she would not recover fully from her depression until she started to "trust her feelings" about the marriage. Following is how Marsha later recounted the conversation with the counselor:
Please read the remainder of this article by clicking here and visiting the source page at Smart Marriages!
Report: Climate Change Threatens Health
Scientists Say Global Warming Will Increase
Malaria and Other Diseases
May 13, 2009 -- A newly released report identifies climate change
as the biggest global health threat of the 21st century.
If nothing is done,
global warming could affect the health of billions of people throughout the world, with the poor suffering most, according
to the report from the University College London and The Lancet.
Deaths from heat waves, malaria, and other vector-borne diseases
(diseases transmitted by sources such as mosquitoes or ticks) are projected to rise as global temperatures increase. But the
report identifies food and water shortages and increasingly violent weather events as the biggest climate-change-related threats
to human health.
Pediatrician Anthony Costello, MD, who chaired the commission
that issued the report, says there is new evidence that climate change is occurring faster than many experts had anticipated.
He tells WebMD that recent findings on greenhouse gas emissions,
global temperature changes, sea level rise, ocean acidification, and extreme climatic events suggest that climate forecasts
made in 2007 by an international panel evaluating climate change may be optimistic.
"The forecasts made by the world climate scientists a few years
ago are starting to look too conservative," he says.
Climate Change and Health
Costello points out that since records began to be kept a century
and a half ago, 12 of the warmest years on record have occurred within the last 13 years.
He adds that the health effects of climate change are already
being seen and will increasingly be felt as temperatures rise.
According to the report:
- Rising temperatures will affect the spread and transmission
rates of vector-borne and rodent-borne diseases like malaria, dengue fever, Lyme disease, hantavirus, tick-borne encephalitis, and a host of other diseases. According to one model, there will
be as many as 320 million additional cases of malaria in 2080. And 6 billion people will be at risk for dengue fever, compared
to 3.5 billion today.
- As ocean temperatures rise and more intense seasonal weather
events occur as a result, cholera outbreaks may increase.
- Climate change is projected to make existing food shortages
worse. According to one study, half of the world's population could face severe food shortages by the end of the century due
to rising temperatures. And hunger, illness, and death due to malnutrition will worsen in Africa and other underdeveloped
regions that are already hardest hit by food shortages.
- Diarrhea and other diseases spread by lack of access to clean water are
expected to increase. Average annual rainfall is forecast to decrease in some regions and increase in others, meaning that
droughts and floods are likely to become more frequent and intense.
- Hurricanes, heat waves, flash floods, and other natural events
are expected to increase in number and intensity as global temperatures rise. And rapid urbanization leading to inadequate
housing, particularly in developing nations, will expose more people to the effects of these extreme weather events.
Costello says the health community is only now beginning to
understand the widespread implications of global temperature change on human health.
"We definitely need
more research into this," he says. "Health professionals have come late to the climate change debate."
He points out that the poorest 1 billion people on the planet
use just 3% of its resources, but these are the people whose health will suffer most from climate change.
The report calls for the formation of an international coalition
to study the health implications of global climate change.
"We've got about five years to get this sorted out," Costello
says. "It is going to be very difficult and there will be huge political pressure not to do it. But if we don't make changes
it could be catastrophic."
source site: click here
Kids Who are Verbally Abusive: The Creation of a Defiant Child
by James Lehman
When you’re standing
in your kitchen, and you’re fighting back tears and rage as your son is calling you “b---h,” you don’t
have time to do much of anything but react. But when he’s stormed out the door or up to his room, the question arises
in your mind yet again: “Why is he like this? Why does he talk to me this way?”
Verbal
abuse and intimidation by children and teens isn’t just a phase that goes away; it doesn’t “just happen.”
It often has deep roots that begin very early in a child’s development. In this article, I’m going to show you
how your child’s abusive behavior may have evolved. Then next week, I’ll show you what you can do to stop it.
It should be noted that there are times when kids can get very mouthy as a reaction to stress,
chaos or even as part of the developmental stage they’re going through. They can become testy in their answers to you,
and their tone may become defiant or condescending. But abusive children cross a line when they start attacking people verbally,
demeaning others, or threatening to harm themselves - or someone else. The verbalization
of threats, name-calling and intimidation gives them power. Those are the kids we’re
focusing on in this article, and usually they cross the line at a very early age.
Power:
The Prime Motivator
Why do kids threaten and
verbally abuse their parents? One reason is that when these children feel powerless, they lash out in an attempt to gain more
control. Another reason is that they don’t have the problem-solving skills necessary to deal with frustration, to deal
with disappointment or to resolve conflicts in a more appropriate manner. Children may fail to develop social problem-solving
skills for a variety of reasons, which include diagnosed and undiagnosed learning disabilities, family chaos, or individual
temperament. Consequently, these kids often become overwhelmed by the emotions they’re experiencing as a result of their
inability to solve social problems appropriately. If they don’t have the tools to deal with these uncomfortable feelings,
they resort to name-calling, threats and verbal abuse of those around them.
It is my firm belief that kids also threaten their parents because
in our culture today, power has become the solution for the problems people face. That message comes at children from every
conceivable source. Movies, music, video games, politics and pro sports glorify aggression and the use of power to get your
way. Preteens and adolescents are the most vulnerable to cultural messages, and the message they are getting says that if you’re weak, if you’re alone, you lose. Don’t
kid yourself; this is not wasted on our youth. From a very early age, kids are taught that fighting for power and control
will solve their problems. And as they get older, that fight becomes a lot more intense.
Now
let’s say you have a child who, for whatever reason, has poor problem-solving skills. He sees the message of power around
him on T.V., in his community and in his culture. He then learns how to use power in the form of threats
and verbal abuse to replace his lack of problem-solving abilities. Instead of having to deal with his emotions and overcome
whatever given obstacle is in his path, that child uses acting-out behavior, aggressive behavior and abusive behavior so that
somebody else has to solve his problems for him. In effect, using this acting out, aggressive or abusive behavior becomes
his problem-solving skill. This is a very dangerous pattern for a child to develop.
How
Defiance Develops in Your Child
When we raise our children, we are teaching them
24 hours a day, 7 days a week, whether we think they’re learning from us or not. Children watch adults for a living.
What parents don’t always understand is that chronic defiance in children develops over time, after certain lessons
are learned and it can start very early on.
Let’s take the case of a child
who was a fairly normal baby. He’s achieved all the developmental milestones, was perhaps a little cranky at times,
but generally, behaved age-appropriately. As he gets a little older, he starts having more problems. At about the age of five,
he begins to balk at the idea of picking up after himself, whether it’s his dirty clothes going into the hamper or toys
with which he’s been playing. If he’s told to clean things in his room, he goes to the living room instead of
complying.
When asked to finish the
task at hand, he says, “I don’t want to,” and that becomes his battle cry. His parents have to stand over
him to get anything done. As he gets older, he starts to challenge and justify, his voice gets louder and his tone gets rougher.
He gets stuck in the loop of saying, “I don’t want to. I don’t have to. I’ll do it later. Why do I
have to do it now?” When pushed, he will do things grudgingly, but only when adults are watching him. And as soon as
they leave the room, his compliance stops.
Some parents will respond to this behavior
by lowering their expectations. They place less responsibility on their child to pick up after himself. They wind up picking
up his dirty clothes every day and picking up his books and toys, rather than dealing with his resistance, excuses and thinking
errors. They think it’s easier and keeps the peace if they just to “do it themselves.”
For the parents, this can seem like a really good way to cut down on the fighting. After all, it only takes
them 30 seconds to put the books away and pick up their child’s laundry. By the way, that’s a very common response
and in some cases, it works out fine. But there are certain children who see that their parents have changed their rules and
expectations because they fear their child’s resistance and acting out.
These
are the children for whom capitulation on the part of the parents becomes a lesson. The lesson is, “If I throw a tantrum
and scream at my mother and father, I’m going to get my way.” For these children, what tends to happen is that
they start throwing more tantrums, yelling more frequently and using these inappropriate behaviors to solve their social problems.
Very early in life, children have to learn to deal with the word “no.” They have to
learn the feelings of frustration or anger that are triggered when they hear it. In that way, being told “no”
is a social problem that they have to solve. Most children develop the social skills of managing the feelings that are triggered
when they’re denied something. But when the children I’m talking about are told “no” in a department
store, their behavior escalates until they’re tantruming.
And what tends to happen
over time is that parents read the signals: they see that the behavior is escalating, and they try to do something about it
before the tantrum begins. In other words, as the child gives them cues that he’s going to soon lose control if they
keep placing the same demands on him, they lessen their demands. That lowering of expectations usually occurs by over-negotiating,
compromising, or giving in to their child’s demands.
In this way, these kids
learn to shape the behavior of the adults around them. Make no bones about it, when parents change their routine because a
child throws a tantrum, or verbally abuses them, they’re teaching that child that he can have power over them through
inappropriate behavior. And once again, it’s not a lesson lost on that child.
While
that’s going on, there’s a parallel process in which the parents are learning, as well. That lesson is, “If
the child is given into, he stops tantruming and stops acting out.” For most parents, stopping the acting out is important
because its embarrassing and frustrating. And so the parents are taught by the child that if they do what he wants, things
will get easier, and if they don’t hold him accountable, even at 24 months, he’ll stop yelling and having temper
tantrums. Parents learn to tolerate more inappropriate, acting-out behavior from the child. I call it “Parents raising
their tolerance for deviance.” And those two processes, separate though parallel, build on each other and form the child’s
way of dealing with life.
Of course, as the child gets older, tantrums take on a
very different look. Since lying on the floor and screaming and kicking your feet makes kids feel embarrassed when they reach
a certain age, they learn various forms of verbal abuse, including name-calling, putting others down, and threatening. They
enter kindergarten and try to throw tantrums or fight with their teachers, and then wonder why they aren’t allowed to
get away with things in school.
Many times, they have problems
getting along with other kids. When you think about it, the sandbox is a very commonsense place. If your child is in the sandbox
with other kids and he’s yelling at them and calling them names or threatening to hurt them, they won’t play with
him anymore—that’s all there is to it. And if your child is using inappropriate behavior as a way to get his way,
the other kids are going to avoid him. If they have no choice but to accommodate him, once again he will fail to develop appropriate
social skills. The lesson that he can get his way by verbally abusing others is reinforced.
So the intimidation between
that child and his parents, and between that child and his peers, can start pretty early. Remember that there might be any
number of reasons why a child is acting out and unable to handle the difficulties life presents: he might not learn to solve
problems effectively because he has a neurological impairment like ADHD, an undiagnosed learning disability, a chaotic family life, or
just a personal tendency to be oppositional. The acting-out child then enters adolescence and is a teen whose only problem-solving
skills are to talk back abusively, put others down and curse at them, threaten to break things, or even use physical violence.
One of the theories of The Total Transformation Program is that it doesn’t really matter what prevents your child from
learning how to solve problems—rather, it’s his inability to do this that leads to the inappropriate behavior.
This includes the use of power thrusts like verbal abuse, physical intimidation and assault.
The truth is, it’s
a core part of our job as parents to teach our children problem-solving skills and to show them that tantrums, screaming,
yelling and name-calling, verbal abuse and intimidation will not solve their problems. The reason why we need to step in and
help them change their ineffective way of dealing with life’s problems is because the more we give power to inappropriate,
verbally abusive, behavior the less prepared that child is going to be to solve life’s problems as an adult. Make no
mistake about it, children who use verbal abuse, name-calling, cursing and intimidation, become verbally abusive adults.
Author's Bio James Lehman is a behavioral therapist and the creator of The Total Transformation
Program for parents. He has worked with troubled children and teens for three decades. James holds a Masters Degree in Social
Work from Boston University. For more information, visit www.thetotaltransformation.com.
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