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A not for profit network of self-help websites.

Welcome! I hope I can help you find what you're looking for! Anytime you see an underlined word in a different color you're being offered an opportunity to learn more than what you came here for. It's important to understand the true meanings of your emotions and feelings as well as many other topics that are within this network. This entire network is set up to help those who want to help themselves find a sense of peace in their lives - discover who resides within and recover from whatever life has dealt you. Clicking on the underlined link words will open a new window so whatever page you began on will remain waiting for you to get back to it!

 

If you can't find what you're looking for here, scroll down to see an entire menu of what is offered within the emotional feelings network of sites! 

 

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read my personal blog about living with emotional feelings!
 
 
and you can help support me in my writing ventures by visiting my health and happiness column for the Dayton, Ohio area by clicking here! Even though you don't live in the Dayton area you can get some great health and happiness ideas by reading my column and then looking for something similar in your area!
 
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SOCIAL COHESION INDICATORS

1. Life satisfaction

2. Work satisfaction

3. Crime victimization

4. Suicides

5. Bullying

6. Risky behavior

Definition and measurement

The main indicator of life satisfaction used is from the Gallup World Poll 2006. The Gallup World Poll was based on nationally representative samples of people aged 15 years and older. It uses the same questionnaire in all countries, ensuring maximum comparability, although there are issues about the extent to which the English-language concept of “life satisfaction” is translatable into the different languages used across the OECD.

However, the problem is less than for happiness-style questions, which is why life-satisfaction questions are used here The Gallup World Poll ask respondents to “imagine an eleven-rung ladder where the bottom (0) represents the worst possible life for you and the top (10) represents the best possible life for you.

On which step of the ladder do you feel you personally stand at the present time?”. The main indicator used in this section is the average country score. Access to detailed Gallup World Poll data by socio-demographic characteristics was not possible. There are questions about data reliability from land-line, phone-based interviews like Gallup in countries where mobile phone coverage is high.

In terms of consideration of changes in life satisfaction, data came from the World Happiness Data base from a variety of sources, primarily the Eurobarometer survey and World Values Survey (see Box 1.1 in Chapter 1 for more detail).

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There are considerable differences between countries regarding the degree to which people are satisfied with their lives (CO1.1).

Denmark, Switzerland and Finland, the three countries with the highest life satisfaction, are 2.7 average steps higher up the 11-step ladder compared with the bottom three countries (the Slovak Republic, Italy and Turkey).

There are broad regional or cultural country groupings of life satisfaction.

Three of the top six countries are Nordic, with Iceland a Nordic outlier in the middle of the pack. Continental western and eastern European OECD members are not particularly satisfied with their lives, with the notable exceptions of the Swiss and the Dutch and, to a lesser extent, the Belgians and Spanish.

Predominantly Anglophone OECD countries (United Kingdom, Ireland, the United States, New Zealand, Australia and Canada) are all in the top half of life satisfaction, and follow in a tight group after the largely Nordic top cluster.

Life satisfaction is higher in richer OECD countries

(CO1.2). The relationship is strong. But it also appears to be non-linear. This non-linearity may indicate that increments in income add less to life satisfaction as countries become richer. There are interesting outliers from the regression line. Mexico, New Zealand and Denmark all generate considerably higher amounts of life satisfaction than predicted, whilst Luxembourg, Ireland and Turkey all generate much lower life satisfaction than predicted by their NNI.

Countries which achieve high satisfaction also share it more equally across their population (CO1.3).

Lower country average life satisfaction is associated with greater inequality of life satisfaction within that country, as measured by the standard deviation of individual scores. The relationship is a strong one.

Life satisfaction is improving over time. Figure CO1.

4 shows that average OECD life satisfaction has improved by an average 0.28 steps on the 11-step ladder. Life satisfaction rose or remained constant in 23 countries and only declined in Portugal, Hungary, the United States, Canada and Japan. The rise in life satisfaction in Turkey is particularly striking.

Further reading

Deaton, A. (2007), “Income, Aging, Health and Wellbeing around the World: Evidence from the Gallup World Poll”, NBER Working Paper No. 13317, Cambridge, MA.

Figure note

Figure CO1.4: In most cases the life-satisfaction change data covers the six-year period 2000-06. For the sources and country exceptions, see Box 1.1 in Chapter 1.

source site: click here

Americans Remain More Optimistic and Satisfied with Life than Europeans

Majority of Americans - but majorities in only 5 of 15 European countries - believe their lives have improved in the last 5 years

With a few exceptions, Americans are generally happier with their lives and more optimistic about their future than are Europeans, according to a new Harris Poll. In this survey, Americans were asked some of the same questions that were asked in a recent Eurobarometer survey conducted for the European Union.

The big picture is that Americans are much more satisfied with their lives, much more likely to believe that their lives have improved and much more likely to expect their personal situations will improve than most Europeans.

Fully 58% of Americans are very satisfied with their lives compared to the 15-country European average of 31%. 56% of Americans think that their lives have improved in the last 5 years compared to 45% of Europeans.

Furthermore, 65% of Americans expect their personal situation will improve in the next 5 years compared to only 44% of Europeans. However, Europe is not at all homogenous and the mood varies widely from country to country.

For the most part, the results from both the U.S. and European surveys show attitudes have improved since Harris Interactive® conducted a similar exercise two years ago.

This Harris Poll was conducted by telephone by Harris Interactive among a nationwide cross section of 1,000 U.S. adults between June 17 and 21, 2005. The European Commission conducted the Eurobarometer 62 survey in the fall of 2004 with 1,000 or more adults in 25 countries that are part of the European Union, except in Belgium where 974 adults were surveyed and in Luxembourg where 502 adults were surveyed.

Life satisfaction

The proportions of Europeans who are very satisfied with their lives vary from 64% in Denmark (the only country that is higher than the 58% in the United States), 51% in Luxemburg, 44% in the Netherlands and 44% in Sweden to only 3% in Portugal, 14% in Greece and 16% in Italy.

The overall average for 15 European countries has increased from 26% of Europeans who said they were very satisfied with their lives in 2002 to the current 31%. This compares with the U.S. figures of 57% of Americans who said they were very satisfied with their lives in 2003 and 58% who say this now. The European countries that have seen the largest increases in level of satisfaction in the past 2 years are Belgium (up 16 points), Spain (up 14 points), Luxembourg (up 12 points), and Finland (up 11 points). Those countries seeing decreases in satisfaction levels include Austria (down 4 points) and Portugal (down 3 points).

Life Has Improved

The largest proportions of Europeans who feel that their lives have improved in the last 5 years are in

  • Ireland (63%)
  • Sweden (60%)
  • United Kingdom (57%)

compared to 56% of Americans. Other countries with large proportions who feel that their lives have become better include

  • Denmark (56%)
  • Finland (55%)
  • Luxembourg (46%) 
  • Spain (46%).

At the other end of the spectrum, only 26% of adults in Germany, 28% in Portugal, and 31% in Austria think their lives have improved in the last five years.

The overall average for 15 European countries has increased from 39% who said that their lives have improved in the past 5 years in 2002 to the current 45%. This compares with the U.S. figures of 49% who said their lives improved in last 5 years in 2003 and 56% who say this now. Countries that have seen the largest increases on this measure in the past two years are Belgium (up 17 points), Finland (up 14 points), United Kingdom (up 11 points), and Sweden (up 10 points). Those countries seeing decreases include Italy (down 7 points) and Portugal (down 7 points).

Optimism about the future

Concerning the future, the most optimistic countries in Europe are Ireland, Spain and the United Kingdom though none of these are as optimistic as adults in the United States. Nearly 2/3 (65%) of adults in the United States say they expect their lives will improve in the next 5 years, compared to 58% in Ireland, 56% in Spain, 55% in the U.K. and 51% in Sweden.

At the other end of the spectrum, only 23% of Germans, 35% of Austrians, 36% of Belgians, and 37% of the Dutch expect their personal situations will improve.

The overall average for 15 European countries has increased from 41% who said that their lives will improve in the next 5 years in 2002 to the current 44%. This compares with the U.S. figures of 63% who said their lives will improve in next 5 years in 2003 and 65% now.

Countries that have seen the largest increases on this measure in the past two years are the United Kingdom (up 8 points), Austria (up 8 points), Ireland (up 7 points), and Finland (up 7 points). Those countries seeing decreases include Italy (down 12 points) and the Netherlands (down 3 points).

Is there a pattern?

Within Europe, there is a clear pattern with some countries, mostly in Northern Europe, giving generally upbeat and positive responses, while other countries, particularly Germany and the Mediterranean countries, indicating they are much less happy or optimistic.

Ireland, United Kingdom, Denmark, Sweden, and Finland score better than the 15-country European average on all questions. Germany and Austria do poorly on all 3 questions and especially on those questions related to the last and next 5 years.

Greece and Portugal have very low life satisfaction scores and are below average on thinking that their present situation has improved over the last 5 years but are close to the European average on optimism for the next 5 years. Spaniards are near the bottom on life satisfaction but are also the most optimistic people.

The other pattern, of course, is the big differences between Americans and Europeans. For the most part the findings from the United States are much higher than the average of the 15 European countries. However, compared to two years ago, there are a few European countries (Ireland, Denmark, Sweden and United Kingdom) that are coming closer to the levels of American optimism.

TABLE 1

OVERALL LIFE satisfaction – 2004/2005

"On the whole, are you very satisfied, fairly satisfied, not very satisfied, or not at all satisfied with the life you lead?

Would you say you are very satisfied, fairly satisfied, not very satisfied, or not at all satisfied?"

Base: All Adults

 

U.S.

Bel-gium

Den-mark

Ger-many

Greece

Spain

France

Italy

Ire-land

 

%

%

%

%

%

%

%

%

%

Very satisfied

58

33

64

21

14

30

18

16

39

 

Fairly satisfied

32

58

33

63

52

56

64

60

54

 

Not very satisfied

6

7

2

13

27

11

12

20

5

 

Not at all satisfied

2

2

1

3

7

3

5

4

1

 

Not sure/ Don’t’ know

1

-

-

-

-

-

1

-

1

TABLE 2

PERCENTAGE WHO ARE Very satisfied with their lives

Comparison 2002/2003 to 2004/2005

Base: All Adults

 

2002/2003

2004/2005

Change from 2002/2003 to 2004/2005

 

%

%

%

Denmark

64

64

0

United States

57

58

+1

Luxembourg

39

51

+12

Netherlands

45

44

-1

Sweden

37

44

+7

Ireland

30

39

+9

Finland

26

37

+11

United Kingdom,

32

33

+16

Belgium

17

33

+16

European Union (15-Country Average)

26

31

+5

Spain

16

30

+14

Austria

26

22

-4

Germany

17

21

+4

France

14

18

+4

Italy

16

16

0

Greece

11

14

+3

Portugal

6

3

-3

TABLE 3

PRESENT LIFE SITUATION COMPARED TO FIVE YEARS AGO – 2004/2005

"If you compare your present situation with five years ago, would you say it has improved, stayed about the same or got worse?"

Base: All Adults

 

U.S.

Bel-gium

Den-mark

Ger-many

Greece

Spain

France

Italy

Ire-land

 

%

%

%

%

%

%

%

%

%

Improved

56

43

56

26

38

46

40

35

63

Stayed about the same

26

37

31

39

30

36

30

35

25

Got worse

18

20

13

35

32

17

29

28

11

Not sure/ Don’t’ know

1

-

-

-

-

-

1

2

1

 

Luxem-bourg

Nether-lands

Austria

Port-ugal

Fin-land

Swe-den

U.K.

EU15 (Avg.)

 

%

%

%

%

%

%

%

%

Improved

46

45

31

28

55

60

57

45

Stayed about the same

40

28

41

34

33

26

25

33

Got worse

14

26

25

37

11

14

17

22

Not sure/ Don’t’ know

-

1

3

1

1

-

1

1

TABLE 4

PERCENTAGE SAYING Life has improved in last FIVE years

Comparison 2002/2003 to 2004/2005

Base: All Adults

 

2002/2003

2004/2005

Change from 2002/2003 to 2004/2005

 

%

%

 

Ireland

54

63

+9

Sweden

50

60

+10

United Kingdom

46

57

+11

United States

49

56

+7

Denmark

47

56

+9

Finland

41

55

+14

Luxembourg

42

46

+4

Spain

39

46

+7

European Union (15-Country Average)

39

45

+6

Netherlands

47

45

-2

Belgium

26

43

+17

France

36

40

+4

Greece

33

38

+5

Italy

42

35

-7

Austria

28

31

+3

Portugal

35

28

-7

Germany

23

26

+3

TABLE 5

EXPECTED PERSONAL SITUATION IN FIVE YEARS – 2004/2005

"In the course of the next five years, do you expect your personal situation to improve, to stay about the same or to get worse?"

Base: All Adults

 

U.S.

Bel-gium

Den-mark

Ger-many

Greece

Spain

France

Italy

Ire-land

 

%

%

%

%

%

%

%

%

%

Improve

65

36

45

23

40

56

47

41

58

Stay about same

22

50

46

48

28

30

34

39

32

Get worse

10

12

8

26

23

8

17

14

5

Not sure Don’t’ know

3

2

1

4

8

6

2

6

5

 

Luxem-bourg

Nether-lands

Aus-tria

Port-ugal

Fin-land

Swe-den

U.K.

EU15 (Avg.)

 

%

%

%

%

%

%

%

%

Improve

41

37

35

50

44

51

55

44

Stayed about the same

50

46

50

28

46

40

34

40

Get worse

6

15

11

17

8

6

8

12

Not sure/ Don’t’ know

3

2

4

5

2

3

3

4

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TABLE 6

PERCENTAGE SAYING THEY Expect THEIR Personal Situation Will Improve in the Next five Years

Comparison 2002/2003 to 2004/2005

Base: All Adults

 

2002/2003

2004/2005

Change from 2002/2003 to 2004/2005

 

%

%

 

United States

63

65

+2

Ireland

51

58

+7

Spain

57

56

-1

United Kingdom

47

55

+8

Sweden

48

51

+3

Portugal

44

50

+6

France

42

47

+5

Denmark

40

45

+5

Finland

37

44

+7

European Union (15-Country Average)

41

44

+3

Italy

53

41

-12

Luxembourg

39

41

+2

Greece

38

40

+2

Netherlands

40

37

-3

Belgium

31

36

+5

Austria

27

35

+8

Germany

20

23

+3

Methodology

The Harris Poll® was conducted by telephone within the United States between June 17 and 21, 2005 among a nationwide cross section of 1,000 adults aged 18 and over. Figures for sex, race, education, and region were weighted where necessary to align them with their actual proportions in the population.

In theory, with a probability sample of this size, one can say with 95 percent certainty that the results have a sampling error of plus or minus 3 percentage points of what they would be if the entire U.S. adult population had been polled with complete accuracy. Unfortunately, there are several other possible sources of error in all polls or surveys that are probably more serious than theoretical calculations of sampling error. They include refusals to be interviewed (non-response), question wording and question order, interviewer bias, weighting by demographic control data and screening (e.g., for likely voters). It is impossible to quantify the errors that may result from these factors.

The most recent European data (2004/2005) comes from the Eurobarometer 62 survey conducted by the European Commission in person (face-to-face) in the fall of 2004 among 1,000 or more adults aged 15 and over in 25 European Union-member countries, except Belgium where 974 adults were surveyed and Luxembourg where 502 adults were surveyed. The 2002/2003 European data come from the Eurobarometer 57 survey conducted in person (face-to-face) in the spring of 2002 among 1,000 or more adults aged 15 and over in 25 European Union-member countries, except in Luxembourg where 600 adults were surveyed.

source site: Harris Poll

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Ask Yourself: "Am I A Satisfied Person?"
by Kathleen Howe
 
Go ahead, I dare you... ask yourself the big important question - "Am I satisfied with everything in my life?" Join the greater good - the side of the scale that holds all of the people who just can't say that they're satisfied with everything in their lives! We are all great people, but there's something just not right in our lives and we are unsatisfied with the status quo.
 
There are those of you out there that wouldn't be caught dead admitting that you are unsatisfied with something in your life. You aren't a complainer, are you? You just bite your lip and bear the feelings of discomfort. You might be miserable most of the time, but you're still smiling like all you can smell is roses. I know those people because for a lifetime - I was one of them.
 
The most difficult part of being unsatisfied with things in your life is coping with those miserable feelings. Our parents never told us that if we were unhappy or unsatisfied that we were allowed to do something about it. So many of our parents didn't allow us to ask questions - remember - growing up in the realm of those who believed that children were only to be seen and not "heard?"
 
Remember never asking questions because you knew that if you opened your mouth - it might mean that you'd receive directions to do some chores or you'd be ordered to go outside or to your room.
 
Our parents just didn't want to deal with us. So many of us just sit back feeling miserable thinking there's nothing we can do about being fully satisfied with ourselves, our jobs and in our relationships. We just hang on and hope that things will get better.
 
If things are really bad we might eat to self soothe, we might drink alcohol to forget about it or we might even have an affair because talking to someone outside of our family circle might be more acceptable and it feels good to talk to someone about being unsatisfied.
 
This personal growth recovery journey I've been on has made me think about how I would go about becoming satisfied with all the aspects of my life. I've spent my entire lifetime too busy being overwhelmed with different negativities in my life before to even consider the possibilities of satisfaction or dissatisfaction. If I had to work, I took whatever job I could get. If my body looked bad, I ran. I used to run about five miles a day so I could eat whatever I wanted to and still maintain a good weight. Was I finally satisfied with the results? I don't remember much of those days. I know I was barely happy, so satisfaction isn't even an option.
 
What I have learned is that while you can't change people - which most people in relationships are hoping for most of the time, so they're almost never satisfied; you can change your own self. When you've educated yourself enough to understand whatever it is you've been learning - you are able to begin to make change happen. It's amazing how it works.
 
First you must believe in what I'm saying. I won't work if you don't believe it. Then you find out what you need to study; i.e., I'm not happy with my weight. So you study about your body, the different mechanisms, nutrition, basic human needs, lifestyle factors, and then you look at your state of mind. You learn about depression if you're depressed. Then you learn about exercise because the combination of exercise, nutritious eating and believe it or not - SLEEP - will allow you to lose weight safely.
 
Then after you've studied diligently and you feel like you are grasping all of the concepts to the "nth" degree - you pat yourself on the back and you choose your first change. Understanding leads to the possibility of change. When you've accomplished this task - you can be very satisfied with your efforts and before long you will be satisfied with your body.  
 
Don't get me wrong. Things happen and you get stuck. You meet distractions, bumps along the way, setbacks, nerves, and even get sabotaged by those who say they want you to succeed. I know this happens because "life happens." Sometimes when things are going well you might even self sabotage. But believe this as well. You will learn something from each step you take if you stay in the present moment, aware of everything around you and in your environment and you keep trying and never give up. You will believe in yourself and you will be satisfied with the results of your journey.

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Different New-Year's Resolution: Pass-It-Forward
By Nisandeh Neta
 
Every 12 months, as the New Year rolls around, we all brag about our New Year's Resolutions. With inflated chests and with all the authority we can muster, we announce to any and every available ear, that we're going to lose weight, stop drinking and smoking so much, as well as spend more time with our family, in addition to investing more time down at the gym.

Mostly our vision extends no further than our own noses.

To add insult to injury, we usually don't follow through on our "Me Orientated" resolutions and goals. In a matter of months, and sometimes even weeks, we've forgotten all about our "new improved" character, which results in feelings of frustration and failure.

Most 'experts' tell us not to elevate our expectations too high. On the other hand, perhaps we fail because we don't set out goals high enough.

What if we looked outward instead of inward when making our declarations? Would we then be able to complete a year feeling satisfied rather than contemptuous about ourselves?

I'd like to take a risk and suggest one resolution that might last a year, or, maybe even, a lifetime. A resolution that makes you feel good about yourself whilst simultaneously including others.

It's not my idea so I don't want to take any credit for it. In fact, the idea originated from a movie called 'Pay It Forward' directed by Mimi Leder.

If there's one video you need to see this year - then this is the one.

The idea is simple.
You do something good for other people.
These people cannot 'repay' you...
They are encouraged to pay-it-forward.
In turn, doing something good for someone else.
And so on and so forth.

The mathematics is simple.  If I'll do something constructive for 3 people and these 3 people in turn do something for 3 other people (each) - we have already impacted 9 people in total.
 
These 9 people will make a difference in 27 people's life, which in their turn will touch 81 people's hearts...

See how fast it grows?
Until today, this simple mathematical principle was abused through multi-level marketing and pyramid schemes.

This year, you can use the same principle to make the world a better place.

Of course, there will be those people that break the chain. However, others still, will reach out and touch more people than you could possibly imagine.
 
Just open your heart and give...
 
Trust in the goodness of man and allow yourself to be overwhelmed.

There are many ways to touch people's heart. An action, a hug, a word, a smile.

Make it your resolution this year, and remember:

It takes ONE NATION to make a difference in this WORLD.

It takes ONE COMMUNITY to make a difference in this NATION.

It takes ONE FAMILY to make a difference in this COMMUNITY.

It takes ONE PERSON to make a difference in this FAMILY.
You are the ONE!
Go ahead and make someone's day. See how it makes YOU feel.
Then when they smile back and thank you, ask them to pass it forward...

Author's Bio:
Article by Nisandeh Neta - author, trainer and success coach. Start living each day at a higher level of success, passion and fulfillment. No Hocus Pocus! Just awareness and open mind. Learn how, on his site http://www.nisandeh.com Or go to http://www.inspiration2go.com to get his newsletter and a BONUS - inspirational e-book.
 
source site: click here

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Job Dissatisfactions Could Be Insignificant To Your Career Contentment.
By Jeff Garton
 

This article reveals how it’s possible to recognize your career contentment even in situations where you are not happy or entirely satisfied. More importantly, it explains why it’s beneficial for you to do so, and even easier than attempting to be happy or made satisfied.

Can you imagine having feelings of contentment even though you’re not happy or entirely satisfied, or where your circumstances on the job seem hopeless? It’s entirely possible, but not everyone can imagine this happening. They ask:

  • Is career contentment possible when my boss is a jerk who drives me nuts?

  • Is it possible when I’m killing myself working ten hour days and weekends?

  • Even if my job pays peanuts and I can’t seem to meet my expenses?

  • When it seems I have no control over what my employer does or doesn’t do?

The answer is yes to all of these questions. Career contentment isn’t found or dependent on your good or bad circumstances, or what other people do or don’t do. You have to recognize it intentionally, and so it’s a matter of whether you’re willing, motivated or hopefully predisposed to recognize it.

Is your job sufficiently meaningful or worth doing all you can to keep it despite the circumstances?

Are you doing what you love and can you demonstrate it by not complaining about the dissatisfactions that are inevitable in an imperfect world?

If you’re not in the right job then maybe you’re not motivated enough to recognize your contentment. However, you still can, and it’s beneficial if you do. Contentment is recognizable in any situation you choose to recognize it.

How is this possible? By avoidingeither/or” thinking and not expecting everything to always be perfect or to go your way. Instead, you reason to recognize the acceptable middle ground and thereby avoid the hazardous emotions that create problems for you and the people who come in contact with you.

I’m not saying it’s easy to do this, but technically, it’s entirely possible and also beneficial to your emotions and performance effectiveness. Contrary to what you might think, you do not live in response to your good or bad circumstances, but in response to your emotions caused by what you think about your circumstances. You act on your emotions, and this is something coaches, leaders and sales people rely upon. They inspire the emotions that get you moving, and you can do this yourself.

All things are meaningless until you react, and your reaction is caused by what you think or the meaning you assign to whatever happens. Bosses are insignificant until you classify them as jerks or as driving you nuts. Work hours are insignificant until you classify them as long or as killing you.

Your pay is likewise insignificant until you classify it as peanuts or inadequate. Your emotions in response to these thoughts include anger, fear, frustration, envy or perhaps jealousy and it causes you to get upset, complain, be argumentative or even quit, plus you have the biological effects of job stress and burnout while you’re dealing with the issues, and sometimes long afterwards.

Alternatively, you could say your boss, work hours and pay are all fortunately not as bad as they could be, you’ve handled such challenges before and came out okay, or that it’s just a matter of time before things begin to improve like they always do.

Your emotions in response to these more favorable thoughts might be to forgive, forget and to be more tolerable, plus you have the biological benefits of stress resistance. Minimally, you’re always working from a stronger foundation, rather than depending on things and others over which you have no control.

In both the bad and good scenarios, the reactions were caused by the meanings you assigned to an otherwise meaningless situation. The benefits of intentionally managing your thoughts to produce favorable emotions and actions are obvious.

However, it’s easier just to react, suffer the ill effects of bad emotions or the lack of emotional control, and to go on complaining about the situation and thereby further compounding your difficulties and poor health. Why not blame somebody else, when actually it was the meaning you assigned to the situation that caused the problem to begin with.

Perhaps you’re thinking, what if the other person or the event actually was the problem rather than how you reacted to it? Certainly there are times when other people do things that cause you to feel bad or get angry. They behave badly, forget things, don’t honor their commitments, or do things they know will harm or upset you. Then what?

Before you know how to react your mind still needs to process what happened which means you still have to assign a meaning to the situation. Whether your reaction is automatic or intentional depends on what you want the outcome to be. For instance, if you want to address the situation calmly as a responsible adult, you might assign a more tolerable meaning so you can react calmly.

If you don’t want to care about the situation, you might assign a neutral meaning and then react nonchalantly or do nothing. If you want your anger to come forth as a demonstration of your disgust, you might want to assign a horrible meaning so you can fly off in a rage and have a good reason to sustain your anger for as long as you like.

Alternatively, you can play roulette with your emotions and do whatever moves you, and then deal with any consequences.

If you’ve got a brain and the ability to reason, it doesn’t matter what your circumstances are, even tragic or catastrophic. You always have the option to reason and recognize your contentment, and the key to maintaining your contentment is developing the willingness or predisposition to recognize the acceptable middle ground rather than allowing yourself to experience the emotional roller coaster rides that life and career offer.

Unfortunately, we haven’t done a very good job teaching you how to do this on the job, even though supervisors expect you to do so at the risk of being evaluated as emotional, immature, out of control or high maintenance.

One of the greatest challenges you’ll have attempting to recognize your contentment is the fact your brain works so fast. The thoughts that cause your negative reactions can occur faster than you can blink, and many times you may not even realize you had the thought.

The key is paying attention to how you feel. Your emotions provide clues to what you were thinking, and if you feel sad, blue or angry, you need to pause and give yourself the benefit of a second better thought before the first gets you into hot water.

Try watching the TV news for people’s reactions to their good or bad circumstances. Their response determines what they do next, the effectiveness of their actions to address their situation, and also how others react towards them. It all begins with the initial meanings they assign to their situation.

A person with a predisposition to recognize their contentment will appear calm and resilient. They tend to think clearly and will be able to make decisions and choices with greater ease than a person who lacks this state of mind. They seem frustrated or less tolerant, tend not to think clearly, often react inconsistently, and are not always certain what they want or what to do.

It’s a person’s initial reaction to their circumstances that makes breaking news and reality TV so popular. We want to see what they do and imagine how we might react in the same situation.

Don’t mistake contentment for being laid back or settling for less. It provides a more solid foundation to everything you do. It’s a peaceful and resilient state of mind that enables you to think clearly, roll with the punches, get along, see things through, span the peaks and valleys, and get things done despite the inevitable challenges and disappointments that occur anytime you are expected to work with, for or through other people.

In fact, it’s when you lack this state of mind that you find yourself in regrettable situations of lacking emotional control, resiliency and resolve, and therefore being neglected, avoided or taken advantage of.

Contentment is a good thing without which your life would be miserable because complete satisfaction is never possible. In fact, before the end of day tomorrow you’re likely to confront one or more challenges never anticipated.

It might be a change of bosses, work hours or pay and benefits, and you will realize the only thing you truly have control over in this world is your ability to reason. When you’re able to master reasoning abilities by always recognizing the acceptable middle ground, your life and career will improve dramatically.

If after reading this article you’re still wondering whether it’s possible for you to be content even if not happy or entirely satisfied, consider how you were created to function: You think first, feel second, and then you take action based on how you feel. Otherwise you act without thinking or your emotions get in the way and you get the wrong results, no results and upset yourself and others.

Here’s the fun part. Because thinking always comes before feeling, you can improve how you feel and the effectiveness of what you do by changing how you think. For instance, you can think to feel rich without owning a dime. Empires have been built starting from nothing but just this one contented feeling. So maybe what you do is use more of your imagination to feel content whenever you like rather than allowing others the power to make you satisfied or dissatisfied.

We pride ourselves on explaining employment and career like never before. To learn more and download a free audio on this topic please visit our website and while there join the campaign to retire job dissatisfaction.


Author's Bio: Jeff Garton is a career coach, author and host of “Career Contentment Radio” on http://www.VoiceAmerica.com. His background includes a career in HR with the Philip Morris companies and he now leads the worldwide Campaign To Retire Job Dissatisfaction. For more information, and to join the campaign, visit: http://www.careercontentment.com.

 
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Conditions for a Happy, Satisfied Retirement
 
New York: It’s high time somebody spoke of retirement blues. A study that has delved into understanding the triggers of post retirement despondency claims three important factors that measure a man’s attitude towards retirement. - Marriage, mental outlook physical health and pension, in that order. Surprisingly, pension does not figure first on the must have’s list for a happy retirement.

The study tracked a group of socially deficient men from their youthful stage. The finding revealed that the men who inclined towards a happy retirement were those who had enjoyed relationships, spent happy vacations and ultimately found great satisfaction with their jobs.

In the words of the authors "A relatively high level of satisfaction with retirement was often attained by men who had reported many risk factors for poor child and midlife development ... but who in later life had some positive resources such as a good marriage and easy-going attitude to life”

The revelation from the study group astounded researchers, especially when it suggested that retirement happiness did not evade even those afflicted from some form of physical disability or received a meager pension. The finding has been published in the American Journal of Psychiatry.

The men who spoke of their retirement as a happy one, were almost thrice as likely to have enjoyed happy relationships, and were keen with play and hobbies, according to the report.

Perhaps the difference that spoke volumes between the satisfied retirees and the dissatisfied ones, were the obvious answers from the former group that seemed to quote examples of "watching grandchildren" or "playing piano" when queried about their sense of purpose post retirement. The dissatisfied often answered in an aimless manner with "nothing" or with activities like "watching TV."

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50 Plus Men More Satisfied With Sex Life
 
A latest men’s health survey has revealed that men over 50 are more satisfied with their sex life than men in their 30s or 40s. Their level of satisfaction approximates to that reported by 20-29 year-olds.// The results of this interesting study are published in the February issue of BJU International.

The survey has been conducted among 1, 185 Norway men ranged between 20 and 79 years of age. The study participants were questioned regarding several aspects involving their sex life, sex drive (libido), ejaculation and ability to sustain an erection.
 
The reports were recorded on a scale from 0- 4, with 4 representing good sexual function and satisfaction. Men in their twenties ranked first in terms of their sex life, with their overall sexual satisfaction approximating to 2.79 and were soon followed by men in their 50s with a score of 2.77.

Surprisingly, men in their 30s and 40s had lower scores of 2.55 and 2.72 respectively. Men in their 60 and 70s obtained the lowest ranks with corresponding scores of 2.46 and 2.14. Although many studies have demonstrated the progressive difficulty in erection, ejaculation and lowered sex drive with advancing age, no definitive link could be established between overall sexual satisfaction and age.

Turing on to the other side of the questionnaire, progressive decline in the sexual function was noticed with increase in age. In other words, older men had more sex related problems (reduced sex drive, satisfaction with erection and ejaculation) than younger men.

In addition to the above findings, 80% of the participants were either married or involved in a sexual relationship. Nearly 57% reported of having sexual intercourse in the last 30 days. The percentage of people who were on medication for diabetes, anxiety, depression and erectile dysfunction was 25% overall.

The results of the study probably highlight the fact that sexual satisfaction is independent of sexual function. The relatively high incidence of sex related problems in older men do not necessarily mean that they are unhappy about their sex life.
 
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Sexually satisfied but feeling frumpy: It's body image, not 'the change'
 
Penn State researchers, who analyzed the responses of midlife women, ages 35 to 55, to a survey on body image, have concluded that the emphasis in U.S. culture on being young and thin has a more important influence than menopause on sexual functioning and satisfaction.

Dr. Patricia Barthalow Koch, associate professor of biobehavioral health and women's studies who led the study, says, "The success of Viagra for men has created a heightened interest in marketing hormones and other medications to midlife women to insure sexual functioning and satisfaction.

Our results suggest that 'treatment,' via medication, of menopausal effects for this purpose seems unwarranted in light of the findings that menopausal status did not have a significant impact on the sexual responding of the women in this study."

Analysis of the survey results showed that, regardless of the woman's specific age, she was more likely to consider herself more attractive when she was 10 years younger whether or not she had been through menopause. In addition, there was no significant statistical relationship between a woman's perception of her own attractiveness as she aged and her current sexual satisfaction.

Koch, who was installed as president of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality earlier this month, added, "There has been a dearth of research examining the relationship between body image and women's sexual response. These new results support a link between body image and sexual responding that needs further study."

The study is detailed in a paper, "Feeling Frumpy": The Relationships Between Body Image and Sexual Response Changes in Midlife Women, published in the current issue of The Journal of Sex Research. The authors are Koch; Phyllis Kernoff Mansfield, director of the Tremin Research Program on Women's Health; Debra Thurau, Penn State graduate with an M.S. in health education; and Molly Carey, former project manager, of Tremin.

The researchers used survey data collected by the Tremin Research Program in 1993. Tremin is one of the world's oldest ongoing research programs dedicated to studying women's health and menstruation.

The responses came from 307 women who were heterosexual, 99.2% Caucasian; 99% college-educated; 83% employed outside the home and 80.1% married or living with a partner. Nearly 21% of the respondents self-reported that they were pre-menopausal, 63.5% said they were undergoing some menopausal changes (i.e. peri-menopausal) and 15.5% were post menopausal.

Nearly 21% of the respondents could not think of even one attractive feature and reported an overall sense of dissatisfaction with their bodies. The features that the women considered least attractive were stomach/abdomen, hips, thighs and legs.

The researchers note that it is the norm for U.S. women to be dissatisfied with these parts of their bodies which are affected by weight gain as they age. The percentage of body fat generally doubles by the time women reach age 50.

Weight also tends to be redistributed so that breasts become larger, waists thicken and fat increases on their upper back. While it is natural for midlife women to change shape in these ways, the U.S. standard of attractiveness remains a youthful and slender body which creates anxiety about aging and pressure for older women to disguise normal changes.

The researchers found that the more a woman perceived herself as less attractive, the more likely she was to report a decline in sexual desire or activity over the past 10 years. 2/3 of the women reported one or more changes in their sexual response, most frequently desiring sex less and engaging in sex less often; although some women reported improved sexual response.

Yet, despite these changes in desire and activity, the women reported that when they did have sex, there was a high level of enjoyment. Among the women in the study, 72% reported being physically and emotionally satisfied in their sexual relationship and 71% reported general sexual satisfaction.

Contact: Barbara Hale/Penn State
10-Nov-2005

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Life satisfaction

Extensive research has been conducted in psychology and the social sciences to understand the factors influencing well-being. Nevertheless, it is only relatively recently that subjective measures of well-being have begun to be taken seriously outside academia.

In the UK there has been a groundswell of interest in the potential of subjective well-being measures both from within government and from those ­ such as nef ­ seeking to inform and influence policy from outside.

However, just as there is controversy over whether IQ tests really measure intelligence, there is considerable debate over whether self-reports of life satisfaction have anything to do with real ‘well-being’.

Yet, self-reports of life satisfaction are considered valid if they correlate reliably with predicted objective indicators that are thought to be associated with well-being. Most academics working on well-being are satisfied that ratings of life satisfaction within a country or culture are acceptably valid.

An individual’s self-reported life satisfaction correlates with reports from loved ones, with how often they experience good moods, and even the likelihood they will commit suicide later on in their life. People with positive self-perceptions also tend to live longer than those who regard themselves more negatively. As well as being valid, self-reports of life satisfaction seem to be reliable. In other words, people tend to give the same patterns of response over time, and when slightly different question wordings are used.

Some researchers ­ notably those from an economics background ­ tend to see happiness, life satisfaction and well-being as synonymous and interchangeable. But there are important and clearly discernable differences.

Satisfaction with life overall, tends to be generally stable since it reflects a summary of “judgements about feelings”. Whilst on the individual level, day-to-day changes in happiness are of interest, at a policy level it is overall satisfaction that gives the best indication of how groups of people are faring. If a majority of people in a country report dissatisfaction with their lives, this seems to be a reasonable indication that something is awry, either with government policy, with society, or with both.

International surveys tend to consider life satisfaction by asking respondents a question such as:

If you consider your life overall, how satisfied would you say you are nowadays?’

Responses are given on a 0­10 scale, from not at all satisfied to extremely satisfied. Clearly this is not a perfect measure. Ideally, subjective well-being would be assessed by asking a series of questions, perhaps probing different aspects of life and framing the issue in different ways so as to gain a more complete picture.

As a general indicator of the state of well-being in a country, however, this single question performs surprisingly well, showing good validity when compared with other national-level statistics.

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4 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Sex Life

1. Stress the Emotional Bonds of Sex

Sex should be about more than just physical gratification. It's a means of enhancing your relationship with each other and of expressing the emotional connections you both share. Strive to make sex romantic and exciting. Emphasize mood enhancers like lit candles, rose petals and a romantic evening out on the town. Be aware of your partner's needs and wishes during sex and strive to make him happy as much as he makes you happy. Talk about your sex life with your partner and find out what excites him. The connections you make will improve not only your sex life, but also your connection as a couple.

2. Masturbate

"Don't knock masturbation," Woody Allen said famously, "It's sex with someone I love." While people may feel odd about masturbating when they're in a committed relationship, it can be a very helpful tool in a healthy sex life. Make it part of the sex act itself, either as a form of foreplay with your partner or as a means of "warming up" beforehand. You can also use it on your own to explore the things you find arousing and learn how to control your arousal in order to extend sexual sessions with your partner.

3. Stay in Shape

Exercise is an excellent way to raise your overall energy levels and have more stamina in the bedroom. Experts recommend cardiovascular exercise, such as running, swimming and cycling in particular. It increases the blood flow in the body and emphasizes endurance. Exercises specifically aimed at a healthy sex life can be stressed too. Tantric techniques can be explored, and more direct exercises, such as kegel exercising (strengthening the woman's vaginal muscles) and PC exercising (strengthening the man's pelvic muscles), can help as well.

4. Respect Your Partner's Wishes

This includes being attentive to her in the bedroom and seeing to her needs as much as your own. But it also includes listening when she may not be in the mood for sex or noticing when her motor is really running. Postpone sex if it doesn't feel right for her, or set aside other activities if she really wants it. You should expect your partner to reciprocate and be attentive to your needs as well. Make sex a choice rather than an obligation and seek out ways in which both of you can enjoy it every time you have it.

About this Author

Rob Vaux is an expert on common mental health issues, game theory and the effects of stress on interpersonal dynamics. He has completed a book that includes an investigation of poisons and their effects on the body, to be published in 2008 by Studio 2 Publishing.

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Should We Strive for Perfection, or Just Be Happy with What We’ve Got?
by Emile Jarreau
 
We have all heard the adage before, “Practice Makes Perfect.” Imagine, practicing something until you are actually perfect…without flaw in every way…supreme…is this possible? In a word, no. This ideology, if taken to heart, can lead one to a life of constant stress and undue worry and a complete and total lack of self satisfaction. You see, perfection is a concept that is nearly if not completely unattainable. Man, by nature, is not perfect. Add to that the fact that doing something “perfectly” certainly contains an air of subjectivity and you will quickly realize why trying to attain the status of being PERFECT is a true lesson in futility.

Let’s take, for instance, the state of your body and how it looks. Imagine that you are in fantastic shape (ok, I am sure you are, but pretend someone who is reading this is NOT…) You have about 8% body fat and your tummy is ripped. Your shoulders are rounded and chiseled and every line in your biceps and triceps is defined and your legs look like they belong on a statue. You have worked hard for this body and it is perfect…ALMOST. Most people that get their body to this level are never fully happy. They can always lose a bit more body fat, or get their arms just a bit bigger. The goal of becoming PERFECT is never ending and thus leads to a constant state of being “not quite there.” The closer you get to perfection, for some, the further you are. Now, most of us would LOVE to be in this situation. We would LOVE to have a ripped and skinny body and we would be happy with our bodies should we attain this high level of fitness. For those that are stuck in the state of needing to be perfect, however, this can lead to an unhealthy obsession. These individuals will go to incredible lengths to reach their goal. The trouble is, their goal, being PERFECT, may never be reached…at least in their minds. They may take steroids, diet pills, quit eating altogether, or any number of other unhealthy measures.

Now, let’s take a look at the other side of the coin. You are 250 lbs, not in very good shape, and personally, you are happy as a clam! You have no goal of getting the perfect body and are not really concerned with the whole health and fitness craze. Your body is ample, and you are proud of it. While this person may be happier and more satisfied than one who is striving for perfection, their state of mind may not be that desirable either. You see, life IS about progress. It IS about getting better, being more productive, and moving forward. This does not mean we have to focus every bit of our energy on being perfect, but it does mean that we should try to work on improving ourselves throughout our life. The person who is overweight and unhealthy and happy with themselves is not doing themselves a service. They are perhaps better off in their state of mind, but their state of body may be just as unhealthy as the person in our previous example. So, should we strive to be perfect, or just be happy with what we’ve got? How about somewhere in the middle…

If you work to improve yourself, and are happy with those improvements, then you can live a healthy and satisfied life no matter WHAT your goals are. Life is a process and if you are always trying to get better and you strive for PROGRESS versus PERFECTION, you stand a much better chance at being happy and satisfied with your life and where you are at any particular time. Be realistic, strive to better yourself and realize that if you are pushing yourself forward in a healthy and productive way then you already ARE perfect…

Author's Bio
M2FitnessPros.com , aka Emile Jarreau, is a 31-year veteran fitness professional and co-owner of MrFatloss.com in Long Beach, California. Also having 19 years of bodybuilding and figure coaching experience, he specializes in fat loss and all its aspects and freely shares online resources to the world.

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Growth from Discontent ... Life's way of giving you a little push.
By Edward B. Toupin
 
That strange, gut-wrenching feeling you have is not the sushi you had for lunch. It's your soul trying to give you a nudge to do something. A word for that feeling is "discontent." Discontent is a state of not being satisfied or fulfilled in your current situation.

Of course, this same feeling can apply to a hundred different situations, from a work-related issue to a personal issue at home. But, the resulting meaning is still the same: "make a change." Some people listen to that feeling and change their life in such a way as to eliminate that feeling. However, some people that fall into discontent, but tend to remain in that situation as they find it a place of "same-ness" and "safety."
 
Souler Greenhouse
 
Discontent is actually a "souler greenhouse" of change. It is the first warnings you receive that things are not what they should be and that a change is required to correct the situation.
 
Discontent comes when there is juxtaposition between needs and desires. Usually, you're pursuing a need, achieve it, and then continue to pursue the ideals of the same need. This occurs because you don't know what to do once you reach the objective. However, once you achieve a need, you need to move on to the next pursuit.

Many people find that discontent for a given situation is acceptable. For instance, discontent with your work might feel acceptable because you have to make money and care for your family. In this way, you learn to overcome the discontent by accepting the obligations.
However, while this may work, it is not necessarily the route to take. Indeed, you might need the job, but this feeling is calling for an evaluation as some aspect of the situation needs attention.

Discontent can provide you with either a reason to stay right where you are or a fertile environment from which to move forward. While it does provide a way for the Universe to bring attention to a situation, we sometimes become so accustomed to the feeling that it becomes part of our life. In such a case, if we adapt and the discontented feeling is resolved, we will miss it.

Growth

Growth from discontent is an amazing change. Again, comparing to the greenhouse, it can either smother you, or help you grow. However, change from discontent is something that you have to execute consciously, because discontent can also provide you with a safety zone.
 
By accepting discontent in one part of your life, it can spread into other areas of your life. You can become satisfied with the feeling because it becomes familiar. However, you end up working on parts of your life in hopes of resolving the feeling when you find that, once that part of your life has changed, you still feel the same.

Growth occurs because you feel a push, or pull, to move in a direction. The objective is to obtain a balance such that the discontent disappears. Once you achieve the necessary change, you will be able to leave the discontented feelings behind you.
 
Focus on the situation that makes you feel the discontent, not on other issues that may, or may not, make you feel better. The contented feeling from "doing busy work" or fixing something that isn't broken is fleeting, unless you tackle the core issue.

The growth comes in once you embrace the change. When you move from an area of the familiar, you must learn something new or different to adapt to the unfamiliar. However, in this transition, you are putting your life back in balance and moving forward, which eliminates those feelings of discontent.

What's next?

Don't let discontent drag you down! Listen to your gut! It will always tell you when change is necessary. It might be a simple gnawing feeling or a twisted knot. In either case, be honest with yourself and trust that feeling. Discontent is the universe's way of telling you that a change is necessary within yourself to resolve the situation. It is there to warn you of situations and guide you when things need to change.

To make the change, you have to know where you are and where you want to be in the near future. However, the one thing to keep in mind is that you want to achieve some type of balance to counter the discontent. Remember that discontent is caused from an imbalance in one or more parts of your life.
 
Ask yourself, and focus on, what it is that is causing you the most concern. Once you are able to determine the issue, only then can you set out on a goal that satisfies the feeling. Such an approach will not only restore balance, but it will also allow you to move forward to a more fulfilling life.

Author's Bio: Edward B. Toupin is an author, life-strategy coach, counselor & technical writer living in Las Vegas, NV. Among other things, he authors books & articles on topics ranging from career success thru life organization & fulfillment. For more info, e-mail Edward at etoupin@toupin.com or visit his sites at http://www.toupin.com or http://www.make-life-great.com.
 
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Five Tips For Solving Marriage Sexual Problems
By Danielle L. Taylor
Oct 1, 2008

If you are having sexual marriage problems, it can be a real strain on your marriage. Some married individuals are afraid of bringing up the subject, or they are too embarrassed to say if they are not satisfied or feeling pressured. Because the sexual side of your marriage is just as important as every other aspect in that you both need to feel happy and satisfied – it’s a really important issue. Ignoring it will only allow the problem to get bigger. Here are five tips for solving marriage sexual problems.

1. Don’t Be Afraid to Communicate –

The first thing you should do if you are feeling unsatisfied or if there are other sexual problems in your marriage is talk to your spouse. Most of the time, people are actually embarrassed or nervous only until they start talking to their husbands or wives. It’s absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about and if you feel that your spouse would be angry or offended, bring it up in a gentle manner. You could hint about it when you’re becoming intimate. Say something like, “We should do this more often.” It’s a great way to let them know that you need something more or different.

2. Leave Hints –

Another thing you can do is leave hints, especially if you want more intimate time with your spouse. Send them a naughty text message while they are at work or walk by them at home wearing something sexy. These little things hint to your spouse that you desire them and want them more often.

3. Play a Game –

This is helpful if you are feeling pressured to have sex too often. Tell your spouse that you want to play a game to make things ‘more interesting.’ Explain that you will leave a red shirt hanging on the doorknob when you’re ‘waiting for them’ in your bedroom. The catch is that when there’s no red shirt, there’s no intimacy. Your spouse will likely enjoy games like this and it’s a sneaky way to become intimate when you feel like it and to avoid it when you don’t.

4. Tell Your Spouse a Story –

Sometimes, the best way to get messages across to your spouse is to pretend you heard it elsewhere. For instance, you could tell your spouse a story about something you read on the Internet. It could be a couple who ended up divorcing because one of them was not getting enough intimacy with the other. Make up some twists and interesting points and tell your spouse about it. It will get him or her thinking!

5. See a Sex Therapist –

If nothing else works, you can see a sex therapist. He or she can help you get to the root of your sexual marriage problems and can help you both find a level of satisfaction and happiness in each other. This is a great way to solve your marriage sexual problems so that you are both getting what you want.

These five tips can really help you solve the problems you’re having with sex in your marriage. By taking care of the smaller problems as soon as possible, you can prevent them from turning into huge problems down the road!

Author's Bio

Going through a critical point in your marriage and you don't know what to do? Talk to others who have been there and know what you feel! Discuss any problem related to divorce, infidelity, marriage, dating with members of one of the most active divorce support communities www.Xstilla.com. Visit and get help today!
 
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Test Your Own Marriage Satisfaction
by Dr. Arnold A. Lazarus

Marital relationships are complex institutions! In order to improve the quality of a marriage, it helps to take a systematic look at how it is functioning.

Here is a questionnaire you can use as a general guide for evaluating your marital satisfaction.

After each question below write down the number that most closely approximates your present feelings about your marriage or your spouse.

On a scale of one to ten, 10 is “pleased,” 5 is “half yes/half no,” and 0 is “not pleased.”

I AM:

Pleased with the amount we talk to each other.

Happy with the friends we share in common.

Satisfied with our sex life.

In agreement with the amount of time you or we spend at work and at home.

In agreement with the way we are spending money.

Pleased with the kind of parent you are. (This refers to the way your spouse interacts with the children.)

Of the opinion that you are “on my team.”

Pleased with our leisure time together (e.g., sports, vacations, outings, etc.).

Basically in agreement with your outlook on life (e.g., values, attitudes, religious beliefs, politics, etc.).

Generally pleased with the way you relate to members of your own family. (This refers to your spouse’s parents, siblings, etc.)

Satisfied with the way you relate to members of my family. (This refers to your own parents, siblings, …)

Pleased with your general habits, mannerisms, and overall appearance.

Add up your total score:

84 and more means that you have a VERY GOOD marriage.

Between 72-83 reflects SATISFACTORY to GOOD feelings and interactions.

A score of 61-71 suggests that you need to make some basic changes.

Below 60 indicates a POOR level of marital satisfaction.

Marriages that are bankrupt usually call for divorce counseling so that the husband and wife part amicably. Usually, however, people whose levels of satisfaction are this low don’t consult psychologists - they head straight for the lawyers!

Many marriages can be improved so that couples can experience more joy than grief. People who believe that nothing can be done to improve a bad marriage are usually incorrect. It is difficult, but not impossible, to transform a poor marriage into a good one. 
 

Author's Bio
Adapted from Marital Myths Revisited: A Fresh Look at Two Dozen Mistaken Beliefs About Marriage, by Dr. Arnold A. Lazarus. Available at online and local bookstores or directly from Impact Publishers, Inc., PO Box 6016, Atascadero, CA 93423-6016, www.bibliotherapy.com or phone 1-800-246-7228.

Are You Emotionally Satisfied In Your Marriage?

A marriage is a bond where both partners live together to seek emotional and physical satisfaction. Emotional satisfaction is a very important part of the married life because when one is dissatisfied emotionally, one feels cheated and wants to get away from the relationship. Are you emotionally satisfied in your marriage? If you say yes, it means that you are always happy in your married life, or at least happy most of the times. You have no complaints about your partner not giving enough attention to your needs. Your partner helps you fulfil these needs, and you feel that you will be emotionally destroyed if your partner is lost.

Can we examine this subject in the context of how your partner helps you achieve emotional satisfaction? Remember that your emotional needs may be stated or unstated. It is not necesarry that you will come home one fine day and say that you are feeling very sad. Your partner may have to discern that from your non-verbal behavior and help you beat the sadness. Most of us are unable to define what we need to be happy. We are unable to define even happiness. If happiness is defined in simple terms as feeling good then are you getting that help from your partner? Does your partner make you feel good at all times? Say you lost a big sum in business, what do you get from your partner? Understanding of the loss and encouragement to come out of the feeling of dejection.

Emotional satisfaction may be termed as emotional support. When you are feeling sad, your spouse is with you and when you are very elated, your spouse is equally elated. He/She respects you as an intelligent and worthy human being, understands your values and what you need emotionally to feel good and gives you that support. Let us take one simple example - you may be an animal activist fighting for keeping the animals happy and away from all the pains, giving them their due on the earth. If your partner has no care for animals, you will not get any emotional satisfaction from him/her. Emotionally satisfying one’s partner needs skill and love with care. It means to care for the other person and also care for his/her mental state, and care for what are his/her concerns. Sounds complicated? It is simple. We give to our partner, what we wish to get from others. Understanding, support and positive co-operation.

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Strong Marriage Relationship Central to Positive Parenting
by Savitha Kannan

The qualities of the relationship between a husband and wife affect their children's competence in many ways. Some psychologists believe that a good marital relationship provides the primary physical as well as emotional support for parents.

As a result, the relationship that exists between the husband and wife affects the couple's parenting behaviors, which in turn has an impact on the adjustment of the children.

For example, studies have shown that a harmonious marriage relationship promotes competence and maturity in their children. Other studies have demonstrated that marital conflict may result in cognitive delay, school difficulties, and antisocial or withdrawn behavior in children.

Couples who are satisfied in their marriage relationship are more likely to agree about expectations for their children. This provides consistent expectations to the children.

In addition, they learn about attachment, love, and security from their early care givers. Parents who model positive relationship behavior contribute to the their children's attitudes toward intimate relationships and long-term relationship stability.

Couples who do not feel supported in the marital relationship may have lower self-esteem and interact differently with their children than their counterparts who have a warm, responsive relationship. This seems to hold true irrespective of whether a family's oldest child is preschool age or in the age group of nine to 13-year-olds.

Developing a Strong Marital Relationship…

We…as educated and mature individuals of the 21st century must stop and think….in what way can we contribute to build a strong marital relationship which in turn will go a long way in the positive upbringing of our children.

Spouses can ….and need to support each other in several ways to bring up their children as confident and mature individuals.

Here are some ways to strengthen the bond of love within the family.

Emotional Assistance

Spouses can act as potential reservoirs for love and affection, providing both comfort and emotional security to one another. Often with us….as human tendency is….self-esteem is hampered and a sense of insecurity exists. Under such moments of pressure, spouses should provide each other with the much required emotional security to handle such situations. This can be the first step to making yourself a successful example for your child to handle similar kind of situations in his life.

Tangible Help

It is no secret that child-rearing can be very demanding, tiring and time consuming. However, spouses can provide important tangible assistance to one another. Sharing household chores, child care, work-related tasks, family and friendship obligations, and community responsibilities reduces individual stress loads and provides mutual support.

Develop Family Rituals

Developing family rituals provides meaning for family interactions and helps clarify roles and responsibilities within the family. Family rituals can be anything from religious observances, such as important festivals, to daily interactions, such as how family members greet one another when someone returns home. Creating and maintaining family rituals on a daily basis is an important part of family life.

Participate in Leisure Activities

Plan leisure activities as a couple that offer plenty of opportunities for communication. The old saying, "The family that plays together, eats together,….stays together," may be partially true. However, research has indicated marital satisfaction is more closely related to good communication during leisure activities.

Go on a Date Once a Month

Plan time alone where talk about the children and work are a big NO. Going on a date doesn't have to cost a lot of money. In fact, it could be as simple as planning a midnight stroll while the children are staying over with friends or relatives.

Listen When Communicating

Many people want nothing more, than the person they care the most about, to really listen to them. Give your partner focused attention so he or she knows his or her comments are top priority. Listen with an attitude of acceptance and willingness to understand. Listen with an attitude that seeks clarification. You may need to ask questions to be assured that you have the correct meaning of the message being sent.

Retain the Passion

A satisfying marriage relationship grows best when a couple nurtures the passion between them. The marital relationship can flourish when the couple creates companionship, makes a lasting commitment, and deepens their passion for one another.

Resolve Conflict

Inevitably, even the best marriages face conflict. When one spouse has been offended by the other, rather than letting a wall go up between the two of them, they must confront the conflict. Usually, resolving conflict requires both seeking forgiveness and granting forgiveness. The final process is working toward reconciliation and rebuilding trust with your partner.

Thus, we, as parents must devote our first energies to developing a strong marriage relationship which has a direct impact on the healthy and positive upbringing of our children.

Copyright © 2007

Author's Bio
An aspiring writer on parenting, family and related issues, mother to a four year old.

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April 8, 2008
 
Monahan Study: 86% of '90 Grads Satisfied with Life
 

A glass-half-empty philosophy seems to pay off for law students, Professor John Monahan discovered to his surprise after a study nearly two decades ago.

In law school, it turns out, pessimists do better than optimists,” Monahan told a crowd of more than 100 students, faculty, and former students Wednesday. “I ultimately concluded that, in the law, the concept of pessimism might be better termed ‘prudence.’”

Now, the same students from the Class of 1990 who sparked Monahan’s pessimism revelation are overwhelmingly satisfied with their lives, he said during “UVA Lawyers at Mid-life: How Full the Glass?”, a lecture marking his appointment as the John S. Shannon Distinguished Professor of Law.

During the lecture, Monahan presented detailed data based on a survey sent out to the Class of 1990, covering issues such as professional satisfaction, salary, and gender inequality.

Monahan, who has taught social science and the law at the Law School since 1980, noticed early in his career that most students in his first-year classes were eager to participate while most of his third-year students were not.

To try to find out why, he began looking for a model that would predict “which students remain the ‘Energizer bunnies’ and which students began to blend into the woodwork.” To this end, Monahan developed a hypothesis using a theory called “explanatory style,” which defines how people explain the causes of negative events to themselves.

The theory divides everyone into two groups. Optimists tell themselves that a problem is caused by outside factors that affect only that problem, and that it will soon pass, Monahan said. Pessimists, on the other hand, “attribute the cause of a problem in their lives to themselves personally, believe that this cause affects not just this problem but many other problems as well, and believe that the cause will likely be around for the duration.”

Though many studies show that optimists do better at a variety of endeavors, law students had never been studied, Monahan said.

I figured that I had found some low-hanging fruit,” he said. “I confidently hypothesized that what distinguished those students who continued to be engaged in the classroom during their third year from those who mentally checked out, was ‘explanatory style.’” 

His study followed the students from their first year in 1987 until graduation. He looked at their grades, how engaged they were in the classroom (as reported by their professors), how they did in moot court, and numerous other factors. Monahan said he couldn’t wait to look at the numbers after graduation.

“The good news is that there is indeed a relationship between explanatory style and performance in law school,” he said. “The bad news is that the relationship was the exact opposite of the one that I had predicted.”

But the idea that pessimists do better in law school makes sense, because part of a lawyer’s job is to worry about the possibility of negative events, he said.

Nobody wants a lawyer to look at a contract and say, ‘Relax, what are they going to do if you can’t make the payments, foreclose?’”

The study lay dormant for the next 17 years until Monahan and Law School colleague Jody Kraus decided to teach a seminar called “Legal Careers and Life Satisfaction.” As he re-read the study’s results, Monahan began wondering whether the members of the Class of 1990 were satisfied with their chosen careers and with their lives in general.

To find out, he devised a questionnaire and sent it to the 360 living graduates of the class of 1990. Of those, 260 responded —155 men and 105 women — for a response rate of 72%.

The vast majority responded positively: 86% are at least satisfied with their lives, with no significant difference between the genders, Monahan said.

The results showed that 87% of the men and 79% of the women are currently married or partnered. Of the married female graduates, 77% have husbands who work full time. Of the married male graduates, 24% have wives who work full time. 

Among men and women with no children, 97% were employed fulltime. While that number remained fairly constant for the men, regardless of the number of children they had, it was not the same for women graduates.

  • After one child, 70% of women remained employed fulltime.
  • After two children, 66% remained employed fulltime.

That number falls to 20% among women with three children, and none of the women with four or more children remained employed fulltime.

Monahan found that 99% of the responding men are currently employed fulltime, as are 61% of the women. The median household income for the class of 1990 is now $250,000 per year.

The bottom 25% of the class has a household income of $150,000 per year or less while the top 25% has household income of $450,000 per year or more.

Of the 260 responding graduates, 15 have a household income of $1 million or more per year.

As they began their law careers Monahan found that 58% of the students started off in large law firms of more than 100 lawyers,

  • 24% began in small firms of less than 100 lawyers
  • 12% found other law jobs in areas such as business, finance, government, and public service.

Though men and women graduates work similar hours in all settings, compensation is considerably different, he said. He showed that of those who were employed fulltime, women make 88% of what men make in large firms, 90% of what men make in small firms, 75% of what men make in government, and 58% of what men make in business and financial firms. 

Monahan acknowledged the limitations of the study, saying that only one class was studied and that the numbers were not large enough to test for sub-groups other than gender. Still, he was able to draw five conclusions:

• Graduates take many career paths. No single setting accounts for more than 1/4 of graduates, and 85% of all graduates have changed jobs at least once. 1/2 have changed jobs 2 or more times. 1/4 of those currently working full-time are not working as lawyers at all.
 
• Gender differences are pervasive. Women graduates are less likely than men to be employed fulltime, which is entirely accounted for by having children at home. Women earn significantly less than men.

• Large law firms could be a problem for many lawyers. While 58% start off in large law firms, half leave to go to another type of employer. The 1/2 who remain have lower job and life satisfaction than other lawyers.

Overall job satisfaction is high: 81% of graduates are satisfied with the decision to become a lawyer, 85% are satisfied with how well the Law School prepared them, and 93% are satisfied with how UVA benefitted their careers. There is no significant gender difference with job satisfaction.

Overall life satisfaction is high: 86% of graduates are at least satisfied with their lives, with no significant gender difference, despite differences in average salary.

• REPORTED BY ken reitz

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WHEN ARE WE SATISFIED IN LIFE?

By advisor4qb by way of Hub Pages

SUCCESS = SATISFACTION?

We are never satisfied. We can be content for a time, but then, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. People are never satisfied. There is always one more thing making room for itself on the wish list. The world changes constantly to allow for growth, without which nothing can exist. No matter how much money you have, you still have to spend it. The more you make, the more you spend. We are usually in love with someone who is in love with someone else.

One door closes, another door opens. That's the way it is in life. We try one thing, then move on to another like a bee going from flower to flower tasting all the honey. Each move we make is a gamble. It may get us where we want to go. But then we get bored there and want to be somewhere else.

The key is to follow your bliss. Whatever makes you happy, do it. If you feel like a salmon swimming upstream, switch gears and find another direction to swim in. Jump in fearlessly and swim as far as you can go without cramping yourself. You can always stay close enough to the edge that you can swim to safety, if needed.

Your body lets you know when you are moving in the wrong direction. Sometimes you might have chest pains when dealing with someone you need to get out of your life. Sometimes you bang your head when you're not paying attention. Got a twitch in your left eye? Pay more attention to what is happening. You might be having issues you are not dealing with. Maybe these are some of the physical signs of that. You may have something much worse like cancer (who knows what really causes this anyways?!!!) or diverticulosis due to high stress. You may have ibs. Whatever the physical signs are that are manifesting in your life, there is a reason. Identify and withdraw from it.

Find ways to relax and take care of yourself in between spurts of exerting energy in ways that are exciting to you. You are satisfied ENOUGH when you have a job that gives you the freedom of expression that makes you happy. When you have children that make you proud. When you can laugh at your own mistakes. When you have love in your heart, and you have people who love you. That type of success brings satisfaction.

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Essentials for a satisfied sex life...
By Vinod Nair   
 
 
Let's start with answering four essential questions

Q1: Isn't this topic frivolous, hedonic and irrelevant?

While many intellectuals write off this topic as materialistic and unwarranted, we must understand that sex is a vital physiological necessity.

Abraham Maslow, one of the most respected and celebrated management gurus of our time gifted us with his theory 'Maslow's hierarchy of needs'. In this theory, Maslow puts our needs at 5 different levels and sex finds its place at the very first level alongside other necessities like: breathing, food, water, excretion, homeostasis & sleep.

So lack of good sex can be directly equated with the effects of lack of good sleep or even a just failure to have a good 'dump' one morning!

Q2: When can one say that he or she has a good sex life?

One has a good sex life when one is satisfied and feeling sexually adequate. This implies having a partner who satisfies you. A sexually satisfied person will have good self esteem and will fall in the "I'm ok, you're ok category".

Q3: How does one define being good in bed?

In the few conversations that I have been a part of (regardless of location whether it is Mumbai, Delhi, New York, LA, London, Amsterdam or Bangkok), most people who 'get lucky' assume that they are good in bed.

I like to define being good in bed as being able to satisfy your partner completely while satisfying yourself at the same time. This also includes being able to last long enough to share a wonderful journey and yet not last so long that the journey turns into a punishment for the partner!

Now that we have established the importance of having regular good sex in our lives, let's find out what it takes to excel in this area. Like all other areas, men and women have similarities and dissimilarities in sex too. While both have the need to be satiated, getting there take different routes for both.

While a woman can have multiple orgasms and continue to have sex even after she's exhausted, a man normally goes limp after he orgasms and cannot get an erection for a while if he's exhausted or simply done.

Q4: How long does good sex last? When does it start & when does it end?

Sex needn't be restricted to contortions and gymnastics in bed or in the sweaty back seat of a car. Sexuality starts from the moment of first contact even if it's just eye contact and continues throughout the relationship for how many ever minutes, hours, weeks, months, years, decades or life times it may last.

Now that we are done with Q&A, here are some tips to enhance your sex life

1. Look fit: A toned physique is undoubtedly the most potent turn-on for your partner. Even before the love-making session begins, the sight of toned abs, strong thighs and muscular arms makes you sexually desirable to your partner and starts the fire burning. Those who maintain a toned physique normally have higher confidence levels.

2. Be fit: A person who is fit is bound to have higher levels of stamina, strength, vitality and vigor than an unfit person. This is sure to catapult your sex life and even lead to higher satisfaction levels, for you and your partner alike. Obesity is one of the key physical reasons for erectile dysfunction. Therefore a fit person stands a better chance of satisfying his / her partner.

3. De-stress: Stress is one of the biggest killers of a healthy sex life as it leads to many problems, right from reduced stamina to simply not being in mood. So stay stress free. Remember, any problem is only as big as you allow it to be.

4. Eat right: Good sex demands a healthy diet with adequate zinc and proteins. Zinc is known for its aphrodisiac properties. Eat your way to a sizzling sex life with a diet rich in asparagus, onions, garlic and bananas.

5. Smell good: Aromas have the magical property of making your brain explode with sensations and feelings. Make sure you smell good at all times. If not for anything else, body odor and bad breath are repulsive to most people.

6. Dress appropriately: We humans are visual by nature. We always believe what we see. So dress well, packaging is important. Don't forget the little details like nail polish, earrings, lipstick, etc. Men, please don't ignore your accessories either. Most women tend to look at men's shoes very carefully.

7. Experiment: Don't restrict yourself in bed, experiment freely with your partner. If your partner suggests something you've never heard or dreamt off before, don't shoot down the idea harshly, it may stop him or her from giving any future suggestions. Explore each other with reckless abandon. It keeps the magic alive and the relationship ticking for years together.

8. Be genuine: Having taught verbal and nonverbal communication for years, I am convinced that most of us are capable of identifying fake interest from the real thing. So be genuine, in every aspect, it genuinely helps!

Lastly, a special message for men:

Question: Ever noticed that the hottest male stars / models, etc normally appear hairless? If yes then, why?

Answer: In pure marketing terms, their target audience is the female viewer. They appear hairless simply because it makes them look better and enhances their sex appeal.

So, while your demure Indian girl may never tell you this directly do consider that just as you may like to see your woman hairless, smelling good, dressed well and fat free, your woman may also like to see you clean shaven, hairless, smelling good, well dressed, with a great body and dressed up just for her!

What say girls?

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