Creating an Honest, Truthful Relationship
One of the greatest joys
and challenges of conscious, intimate relationships is that when we answer the call to love, we are invited to expand upon
who we think we are, who we have been and what we feel and think we are capable of. We are invited by forces larger than ourselves
to become a more complete, fuller, more loving human being. We are asked to participate in a process that is at once mysterious,
exhilarating and terrifying.
When we answer this most
compelling call, a part of us dives headlong into the fray, eager for the possibility of a deeper, more intimate connection
than we have experienced before. Recent research indicates that during the early stages of being in love, our brains may secrete
a powerful amphetamine-like neurotransmitter called phenylethylamine, bathing our central nervous system with an overdose
of nature's most potent love cocktail.
We are filled with ecstasy
and vision and all our circuits are brilliantly lit up. In this heavenly state we are capable of extraordinary acts of unselfish
love and caring that occur almost effortlessly.
When we return to earth,
however, we are left with our vision of who we can be and the reality of who we think we are. The call to love is always to
go deeper and farther than before and if we choose to answer the call, we will inevitably be confronted with a series of choices.
One choice is to
make a conscious decision of how committed we are to the truth. Have you been committed
to truth in your previous relationships?
If not, what was
the consequence of not committing to truth? And now that you' re in a new relationship, are you going to make a conscious
commitment for the fullest, deepest, most honest connection you can or are you going to settle for less than that?
How far do you
want to try to go together? We encourage couples to discuss this openly and consciously, rather than let it play out unconsciously
and indirectly as it so often does.
Every time we act and
speak from truth, we invite our partner to do the same. Our journey continues to expand
and deepen. The equation is simple:
Truth = Love = Deeper Connection
= Expansion = Greater Opening to Spirit.
But if commitment to truth brings such wonderful things to our lives, why is it so rare and so hard? Why are there
so many lies, so many affairs, so much hurt and anger being acted out indirectly?
Whenever we consider lying
to ourselves or our partners, we generally do so to protect some part of ourselves which feels afraid or inadequate.
We want to appear better than we are and a little white lie won't hurt anyway, we tell ourselves. It's not really a big deal.
What they don't know won't hurt them.
We believe it IS a big
deal if you compromise and limit the vision of love that the two of you have been called to create. It IS a big deal
if you damage the foundation of trust which underlies any successful partnership. It IS a big deal if you re-create patterns
of secrets and hiding that you learned in your families of origin. It IS a big deal if you set a precedent of withholding
or distorting the honest reality that you experience individually and together.
Each time that we distort
the truth, we constrict and limit our original call to love and restrict the depth of what
we can become. We slip back into the cocoon of our limiting beliefs about ourselves and what we are capable of as human beings.
When we work with couples
and encourage them to make a solid commitment to the truth, they often say things like,
''Well I'm afraid to tell her what I really feel... she might leave me'' or ''If he knew that I had done that, he'll hate
me forever, so I can't tell him'' or ''If she knew that I wanted to do X, Y and Z sexually, she'd think I was sick.''
At the core, it's
always a fear that the truth will not set you free but will unleash a torrent of anger or
rejection. But if your relationship cannot handle the truth, then what do you have anyway?
If you and your partner are merely colluding with each other to stay in safe territory and avoid difficult issues, then you
are settling for much less than what your call to love has invited you to experience.
Commitment to the truth can be uncomfortable and scary at times, but it is also the surest path to ongoing growth
and deepening connection available to conscious relationship partners. We encourage everyone to make that commitment and pass
it on through words and deeds to your children. If you have struggled with this in the past, be honest about that. And take
steps to understand why you might have been less than honest. What healing needs to take place within you so that you no longer
need to hide or appear different than who you really are?
And remember, the
commitment to the truth is not a commitment to always talking about something negative!
The truth can be how grateful you feel to be in this relationship or how wonderful it feels to be with someone who shares
your vision of an intimate relationship.
We are all capable
of greater acts of love and truth than we may believe. We are all capable of being more
honest, more clear, more loving, more unselfish. By honoring the original vision that called us to love at this time, we can
commit to the truth of what we are experiencing and commit to communicating it to our partners
on a regular basis. That is the process that truly will set you and your partner free - to experience the deepest and
highest connection possible.
If you or your partner are having difficulty manifesting truth and honesty in your relationship,
or there has been a betrayal of trust in the past or present, call us at (248) 546-0407 and let us show you how you can heal
the hurts and resentments from the past and create a healthy, loving relationship that will last a lifetime.
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