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April 11, 2004
Of what value is it? Part
1 of 2
Over the last couple
of decades, I have been both student and teacher - reading, listening, and integrating a wealth of knowledge about metaphysics
and spiritual evolution. Today, I ask myself,
“Of what value was it?”
I expended thousands
of hours and dollars in constant pursuit of what I thought was my path. What is my ROI – return on investment?
With the exception
of a very few lessons and experiences, the ROI is negligible with respect to having really moved me forward, in contrast to
circling in ever widening circles. To be sure, much of what I learned and experienced was both “interesting” and
“informative,” but of no real value in transforming the quality of my life.
This assessment
is made in spite of exposure to some of the most revered spiritual luminaries, living and passed, as well as several jolts
from the man in the street. Why didn’t what they taught me and so many others “take?”
It was not from
my reluctance to being open to them or their teachings. It was not from my unwillingness to pay attention; although, I admit
to occasional inattention and frequent monkey-mind lapses. And it certainly was not from an arrogant belief that they had
nothing to teach me. Why did I continue to expand my circling around spiritual evolution instead of moving forward in a linear
fashion, sinuous as it might be?
Before answering
my own question, I wish to say that I was aware that I was not moving forward. The fear, frustration, depression, and oftentimes
anger, that drove me to continually seek “the” way to transform myself, remained throughout much of this period,
even though during it I began writing and teaching about spiritual transformation.
Lest you judge
me as hypocritical in this respect, I completely believed at the time that I was providing a useful service to others in spite
of my own lack of enlightenment, and that what I had to say was of value.
Based on the responses
received from readers and people that I taught or coached, there is some evidence to support that claim. But, was I just another
“source” that widened others’ circles? (I don’t know the answer
to that for we never know which word or act may indeed help someone to snap out of his or her circle and move toward the Light;
my suspicion is that I have helped a few people to break out of their circles, and I am honored to have done that even if only one person
truly benefited.)
With respect to
the question of why I continued to circle for so long… the answer lies in my not applying what I learned. My
pile of books and tapes along with the hours of “sitting” at the feet of various gurus were simply wasted for
the most part, because I expected that reading the books, playing the tapes, listening to the gurus, and performing rituals
and practices would somehow transform me.
I kept placing
myself in the spiritual microwave and cooking my soul in the hopes that my life would change, hopefully for the better …whatever
I thought that might be at the time.
The answer lies in my
head shaping my heart.
I am a linear,
left-brained, person – a thinker. It is that with which I was born, and it is that with which I will die. Being logical and curious - having to “know”
at the level of mind before I accept is both a blessing and a curse.
Being a thinker does not mean that I always have to be thinking. Even for a thinker, it is possible to release to my heart, and to accept in a far different fashion than logical thought. When my head shaped my heart, my head expected my heart to line up with its brilliant logic and carry out its marching orders.
My head told my
heart that if I read the Tao de Ching enough times that, although I did not understand most of it, I would somehow inculcate its lessons into my life, and I would transform. The head to heart communication channel
is unidirectional and southbound. My head was not really interested in what my heart had to say; after all, my head had already
done all of the work, and all my heart had to do was fall in line and transform my life.
Well, my head was
right about one thing: it was my heart that had to transform my life. The problem was that my heart was NOT going to take
directions from my head. When I realized that the most inclusive, insightful logic that I could develop was not getting the
job done, I surrendered to my heart out of desperation.
It all happened
when I met the woman who is now my partner, or perhaps, it is more accurate to say when we met again after an absence of almost
twenty years. Meeting each other again after all of those years is another story.
The relevance of
her reentering my life after two decades is that she is the first person to unconditionally love me as an adult. To say that
I was smitten by her is an understatement. Believe me, if you are fortunate enough to have someone, man or woman, love you
unconditionally, you will know how powerful the attraction is.
I thought (my head shaping heart again) that I loved her unconditionally as well.
When she told me that I did not AND that it did not matter, I was incredulous (which in
retrospect proved that I did not love her unconditionally, but I was so “headstrong,” I had no awareness of what
my heart was trying to tell me).
When I finally
listened to my heart and knew that although I wanted to love her unconditionally (a head
determination), I did not know how. Here I was a teacher of sorts stumping on the trail of the necessity of
unconditional love for spiritual evolution, and I did not know what it was. I could only tell you my “concept”
of it; I was not living it.
It was this realization
that motivated me to declare that I would find my way to unconditionally love her – not
that I had to but that I needed so much to completely connect with her, and my unconditional love for her
was necessary to that connection.
I did not have
a clue as to how to truly unconditionally love her. In fact, we sat on the balcony of a hotel in Sedona watching a beautiful
sunset on the day of the harmonic concordance in 2003, and I lamented that if I could love her unconditionally, I would, but
I did not know how. I committed then and there to unconditionally loving her, whatever it took.
Since then, some
six months later, I am so happy to say that I found my way to loving her unconditionally. The resulting connection that I
have with her is indescribable so I won’t even try. Suffice it to say that we are leading a life of bliss, fulfillment,
and harmony although we have had (and continue to have) many trials that
are great lessons, and each one strengthens our relationship. We have essentially melded into one entity. How did this come
about?
Heart shapes head.
When I finally
started listening to my heart and allowing it to shape my head, what I needed to do to release the blocks that kept me from
unconditionally loving her (and myself) became clear. As I have repeatedly
admonished my readers and clients, spiritual evolution is simple but not easy. Now, I finally understand the true meaning of that statement and have consequently transformed who I am.
As for you, my
beloved readers, I truly wish that I could describe to you a three-step (or whatever)
process for allowing your heart to shape your head; I cannot, for allowing your heart to shape your head is something that
only you can do and each person’s “way” of getting there is unique and personal.
I can tell you
that doing so for me began with a powerful need to love unconditionally and the resolve to do so. If you sincerely ask Spirit to help you, have faith, and pay attention to the lessons that come forth, you will hear the
voice of your heart and then you will know what to do. That is the most I can tell you. When you learn to shape your head
with your heart, your life will change in the most wonderful ways imaginable.
My
proposal to you is: if you are truly committed to evolving spiritually, ask, “Of what value is it?” each time
you consider expending energy to explore a “method” for releasing the blocks to truly loving unconditionally.
If the method does not lead to listening to your heart, look elsewhere. There are many teachers, methods, and processes
that can help you to learn to listen to your heart. You only need the willingness to do so, and then remain committed to doing
the work. Simply buying a carpenter’s tool kit does not get a house built.
May you be well and discern with compassion…
Ron McCray
source site: click here
posted with the permission of the author
Of what value
is it?
Part 2 of 2
May 11, 2004
In Part 1 of this
two part series, I discussed the value (or lack thereof)
of spiritual pursuits that did not lead to healing myself; rather, they often took me into ever-widening circles that eventually
lead nowhere.
Although I actively
pursued a spiritual path for almost two decades through all manner of learning experiences, my life was not transforming to
provide the harmony and fulfillment that I so badly needed. Then I met a very special woman who became not only my partner
but was the first person in my adult life to love me unconditionally.
When I met her
I believed that I had healed myself of the major blockages that had previously prevented me from loving unconditionally –
she taught me that this was not the case. I so wanted to be fully connected to her that I became committed to healing the
blockages that stood between us.
I, much to my joy,
did heal them when I discovered that all of those years, my head shaped my heart. When my heart began shaping my head, the
blockages became obvious and were eventually cleared. Only then were we able to be with each other, in ways that I never imagined
possible. I finally found that to live in my passion is what really makes my life worth living. She is my passion, and I hers. If you are not living in your passion, read on.
Of what value is
it - life itself?
I can’t get
any more fundamental about the human experience than this question. Whatever the answer, it is the reason(s) why we stick
around. You could easily say; what, do I have a choice to stick around? Well… of course you do.
Obviously some
folks consciously choose to end their lives through suicide and there are still others who unconsciously choose to die lingering,
often painful deaths by way of some physical means, usually through dis-ease. There are some whose contracts are about dying
at a particular time in support of those who continue to stay. So, yes, for everyone who is alive at this moment, there are
one or more reasons to continue living. There is a value to life for us all.
For each of us,
I think that knowing the reason… the value for our life is most instructive as we
continue down our path.
Without
life, there is nothing. Obviously on this side of the veil, death dissolves the veil and we return to where we started; the
human adventure for this round is over. That is, I no longer experience life as I have known it – rather, it is an entirely
different existence that does not parallel being human. If I die unconnected and unhealed, I did
not find my way back home, thereby eliminating my reunion with God on this side of the veil. Either way is okay… there
is no judgment, only opportunity.
This, I know, is
my “way” and I came upon it after my first fifty years into this life. What did I layer on top of the real value of my life before I began to awaken? Well, it is a list which is not completely complimentary,
but it is nonetheless an accurate one. So, with no apologies, these were the chief layers of “value”
that obscured the real value of my life – to reconnect with the One.
Ron’s list of values
before awakening:
• Making as much money as I could without much concern
for how I did it
• Having a house and other toys that others would “look up to” and admire
•
My clothes (anyone who knows me now will find this very funny!)
•
Sex without much regard as to how I felt about my partner
• Having control, power, and influence over others
•
Being recognized as more “successful” than my peers
In short
the above part of the list was superficial… but there were other values that were
in the right direction…
• Being with and loving my son
• My relationship
with my sister
• A vague, but persistent feeling that there was more to life than I was experiencing
Given the lopsided
nature of my “before” list, it is interesting that I stayed around. In fact, before and after I began to awaken,
I considered leaving many times. There did not seem to be enough value for me to stay.
In fact, I felt
much like Jimmy Stewart’s character in It’s a Wonderful Life, although I was too cowardly to contemplate jumping
into a freezing river! I believe that what kept me here was my love for my son and the vague possibility that life could be
of more value than I was experiencing. As to how to realize that possibility, I had not
a clue for over fifty years.
That possibility
led to immersing myself in personal growth and eventually spiritual experiences that created the ever-widening circle that
I discussed in Part 1. This topic of “Of what value is
it?” presented a chicken and egg dilemma, and I chose to first write about healing and reconnecting, and my motivation
to do so second. You could read these two parts in either order, yet the question remains the same:
Of what value
is it?
Even after I awakened,
I stumbled around like someone who gets out of bed in the middle of the night and is neither still asleep nor wide awake.
I bumped into enough figurative doors and furniture to end up covered with emotional bruises.
How I eventually
found the light switch and turned the Light on is another story, and I previously wrote about it in bits and pieces. How I
did it is not important to anyone but me as we all need to find our individual paths. My “story” may occur as
profound or boring, but it is mine and mine alone as is yours. Unfortunately, there are no “Paths ‘r Us”
stores where we can find an appealing, neatly packaged path to follow.
The only potential
lesson for you from my experience is that if I did it, you can too, for there was nothing special about me other than my eventual
resolve to have my life transform.
Ron’s list of values
“after” connecting…
• Being able to love unconditionally – it makes
everything else worthwhile
• Being with my partner and sharing our lives together, striving to and often achieving unity
• Supporting
others in finding their “ways”
• Being in relationship with members of my soul group
• Appreciating
this wonderful planet-home that Mother Earth provides
I certainly am
not omitting my son or my sister from the list; being able to now love them unconditionally adds huge value to my life and our relationships overall.
So there you have
it – closure to the question,
“Of what value
is it?”
My modest proposal to
you is to honestly ask yourself,
“What are you
living for?”
Take whatever comes
to mind and ask the question,
“Of what value
would your life be without it?”
I can assure you
that whatever answers you receive will be most instructive, possibly lighting the path to your “way” home.
May you be well and discern with compassion…
Ron
McCray
source site: click here
posted with the permission of the
author
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The Value of Your Time
by
Sumner M. Davenport
At
a conference this year, I heard many self employed and small business owners lamenting how hard they were working, yet not
gaining any new business growth or profit. In today’s business environment many emerging entrepreneurs mistakenly attempt
to wear all the hats when running their business.
Instead of hiring someone to conduct some of the work for them, they
mistakenly believe that they are saving money by doing everything themselves. For every hour you spend during prime business
growing hours working on tasks that are costing you (ie your website, your marketing copy, accounting) you are actually losing
up to twice that amount in potential business growth. Many entrepreneurs lose sight of how much it actually costs them to
wear all the hats.
If your goal is an income of $100,000 in a year, as an example (for 8 hours a day, 50 weeks work
and considering 2 weeks for standard vacation) your hourly work value is $50 per hour. So, if you could hire someone for $20
hour to manage your bookkeeping, and instead you do it yourself, it is now actually costing you $100 an hour.
How?
If you paid someone $20 from your $50 hour, you have a potential profit of $30 in that hour. If you do that job for yourself,
you are now paying $50 for the hour (your hourly value), and since you are not producing any income during that time, you
are losing another $50 of your potential income. Plus, many times it will take you twice as long to do the job that the bookkeeper
can do because it is their expertise, and you may have a learning curve.
Years ago, I heard a statement “there
is no such thing as a free lunch. Everything has a cost against your bottom line”. Check it out for yourself and see
if this is true.
Someone was bragging recently that she got free software to do the graphics for her website, so she
doesn’t need to hire a graphic artist anymore. However, she now has to take the time to learn the program, and learn
how to make her graphics look as professional as if a professional did the work. All the while taking away from doing her
own business and producing an income.
If you believe you must do it all, then schedule any non-income producing tasks
in your non-income hours instead of watching TV you will find more profit in your business.
If you are wearing all
the hats because you believe you must keep expenses down, energetically you are giving out the message that expenses are bad.
People can feel that from you. Just remember, what is income to you, may be someone else’s expense. Since energy is
reciprocal, what you are willing to give to others will return to you. Hiring others to do what they do best, and do it for
you, opens the field of energy for people to pay you for your products and services. Focus on abundance for your business.
The more abundant your business, the more you will see how expenses are taken care in the flow of abundance.
I am
a real nag about planning. When you write an effective business plan or a marketing plan, you are focused on results. You
have a blueprint to follow which can be adjusted as you grow. When you focus on your business growth you will find more ways
to grow your business. Some things you may not have seen before will suddenly be in your line of sight. A support person will
show up, or a new client will be referred to you. Those daily miracles occur.
I suggest that you spend your time wisely and realize
the value of your time.
Namaste’
Author's Bio
Entrepreneur
Coach; Self Worth Advocate; Author; Speaker.
Sumner is an advocate of Self Investment - NOT self improvement, which
begins with understanding the difference between the Self, (the person, the being) and a person's behaviors.
An author
with several published books, Sumner currently works with aspiring authors, plus brings authors together in joint projects
and assists published authors to find greater marketing exposure through Self Investment Publishing Company.
Sumner is consistently sought after as a speaker
on several life, spiritual and business topics and she is quoted often. One of her quotes was voted to be included in the
Top 10 Healthy Thoughts of 2007.
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Values: What Are They Really?
By
Joanna Sherwell
There is much use of the word ‘values’
in the personal development industry. It flies around as often as the word ‘coffee’. But on speaking to people
who are just beginning their journey into self development, or others who are not qualified as coaches or NLP Practitioners,
the word seems to be somewhat hollow. They nod and give a faint “mmm” at the mention of values,
and then in secret they say to me, ‘Exactly what do you mean when you ask me about my values?’
What we do, how we behave, and how we think is directed by our core values which have developed within us of their own accord throughout
our lives, and are the strongest and deepest parts of our personality. We create our values
based on our environment, our upbringing and our experiences. We decide what is most important to us based on what we see,
hear and feel in our world.
When we become aware of our values and shape our lives to be aligned with them, we experience great fulfillment,
happiness and energy towards each new day because we are tapping into the mechanics of what makes us tick, and using it to
drive us forward.
An example of someone consciously living their values
(knowing what’s important to them and designing their life around those points) is
an athlete. We could assume that the values of an athlete would be health, success, achievement, and recognition and they live their values by training each day (health), competing (success & achievement)
and winning (recognition).
Knowing this person’s values we could
assume that they would not be drawn towards a career as a truck driver or receptionist because well… they would be absolutely
miserable.
As the author of this article I’d like to give you a personal account
of how discovering and tapping into my values has completely turned my life around, and
resulted in the feeling that I am truly living my purpose. On the flipside of this I’ll describe a time in my life when
I was living in an environment which clashed strongly with my values and how it made me
incredibly sick for many months.
My top 5 values are:
- Growth
- Health
- Connection
- Fun
- Contribution
To translate this, it means that the most important things to me in life
are growing as a person, taking care of my body and mind through diet and exercise, deeply connecting with others, always
having fun in everything I do, and contributing to the world in as many ways as possible.
To
give you an idea of how it can affect you if you don’t live your life by your values
I’ll tell you a story about what I went through about a year ago. I was living at my mother in law’s house for
6 months while settling my current property.
Being that I value taking care of myself, the environment and everything in it, and these things are supremely important to me, it was a shock to
my system when I realized that my mother in law had very little environmental consciousness - in the midst of a serious drought
in our city she was the worst water water I had ever seen, doesn’t recycle at all, and is disgusted by animals even
telling me a story once of throwing her dog over the fence.
Living in an environment like
this clashed strongly with my values. My two top values
of growth and health extend out to the environment in my map of the world, connection with her was absolutely non existent,
it was definitely was no fun living there, and my attempts to contribute to the family or the environment were constantly
ridiculed.
So you can understand why this would create a serious clash of the deepest parts of my personality, my core values
in which I had shaped my life around for many years. Conversely having me living in her household was cashing with her values and caused her considerable stress as well.
On the flipside,
to give you an idea of how I live my life now that I’m aware of my values, my business
as a Life Coach taps into all of these. My work with clients and myself is based on personal and professional growth, I live
very healthily, I’m connecting with people on a really deep level in my work and relationships, building the business is fun and creative, and I do it all
knowing that I’m contributing to the lives of others, the environment, and my future family security. My actions are aligned with my core values and it really does feel amazing.
So my question to you is do you know your values?
Once we know our values there’s
so much we can do with this information. We can change the order of them; for example
Contribution used to be my top value which
meant that I put everyone else before my health. When I made the decision to put health as my number
1 value many things in my external world changed and I was actually able to contribute even more. Change the order to what suits you best to reach your goals and live your full potential, and it can power you forward in your life.
The following exercise will help you identify your core values. For this exercise let yourself write fluidly any words that come to mind. You will eventually get
to a point where one word stands out and feels strong for you. This is one of your core values. It’s ideal to find 5
main words which represent your top values.
The question
to ask yourself is; What’s important to you about…?
Use categories such as:
- LIFE
- CAREER
- RELATIONSHIPS
- MONEY
- SPIRITUALITY
and list all the words that come up for you. You will notice that some words keep coming up repeatedly
and feel stronger than other words. They may feel like they sum up what's really important to you about that area of your
life. This word is one of your core values.
We can also
find out HOW we are currently living our values and how we could live them even more,
creating more of that elusive happiness and fulfillment we all want.
So lets do an exercise
to identify what percentage you feel you are currently living each value, and what
you can implement into your life starting today to experience the true sense of fulfillment that comes from living your values.
What percentage are you living your number 1 value
right now… be honest
Step 1. Value:
Step 2. Percentage you’re living this value now:
Step 3. What are you currently doing to live this value: (what in your life taps into this value?)
Step
4. What do you need to do to more of to really live this value: (what can you bring into your life or do more of?)
There's
a lot of information to digest here and it may be worth doing this exercise now and then coming back to it in a few weeks time to notice what has changed and what areas you still need to work on.
Whatever you do with it, I encourage you to find out what your values are, find out what’s most important to you in your life, and start pitting in place strategies
to bring those things into your environment. Sometimes the smallest change in one or two areas of your life can create the most amazing transformation.
Live and love your life, and always strive to live it even more!
Author's
Bio: Joanna Sherwell is a qualified
Life Coach and NLP Practitioner in Melbourne, and is passionate about assisting people to unleash their true human potential.
She works with clients throughout Australia via phone coaching and Skype. She is also in the process of writing 3 books and
expanding her property portfolio. Visit www.untappedpotential.com.au to find out more about Joanna
and contact her about unleashing your full potential.
source site: click here
Values & Vision: Two Building Blocks for Bonding
By Dr. Caron B. Goode
In my joy of the last thirty years as mother, stepmother, teacher, and therapist, I have observed that two things hold families together:
values and vision.
Without these two building
blocks, family structure is not cohesive. Communication among family members is not clear. Instead, family members tend to
live as individuals sharing a household instead of family members sharing a bond.
One
new stepmother told me:
“Joe’s son came
to live with us when he was ten years old. The first thing he said to me was, ‘I’ll do my own laundry and cook
my own food. And stay out of my room because nobody goes in there except me. You’d better know that you are NOT my mom.
Remember, I only have to live here eight more years, and then I’m gone.’”
She sought advice,
asking, “How was I supposed to handle that one? Joe and I had only been married two years, and he didn’t want
any more children. So we had to look at our priorities as a family. I was certainly tired of creeping around my kitchen, laundry
room, and house because I didn’t want to disturb an unhappy child who hid in his dirty bedroom.”
Examining values
So this family decided to look at the priorities they
value. They first examined their values as individuals,
and then as a family unit. They also spent time discussing a vision for the family itself, so they could visualize how to
“be” with each other, and what qualities of interaction they would strive for. They discussed the three “Cs”
for setting family values:
-
communication
-
compromise
-
cooperation
Values
are the deeply held principles that guide our lives. Values define how we relate to our
world. They are seated in strong emotional contexts. From my experience as a psychotherapist, I have learned that values are not what we think. They are what we feel strongly about.
Most
of the time, we don’t recognize that our values guide our actions from an unconscious
place. To be aware of what we feel passionately about and then let it navigate our relationships makes living as a family
clearer to everyone.
I value nurturing children,
not physically hurting them. Thus, my gut tightens when I see a parent or caregiver slap a child, especially in public. The
stepmother mentioned earlier values time together as a family talking to one another. In
this situation, the family members decided to sit down to share their meals together, even though each fixed his or her own
dish because of dietary preferences.
How do you know what you value?
Visualize yourself standing in front of a group of friends and strangers to make
this announcement: What I stand for is…. What would be the first three words out of your mouth? Usually the first words
spoken aloud to others are the three values that guide your life.
Values provide building blocks for our children because they need parameters, or ways to measure their decisions
and mistakes. Values are the core of most family and parental decisions regarding food,
socializing, television viewing, religious beliefs, how to speak to people, and so on.
Find
out what your values are and see how they guide the communication and interactions in your
family. Where you do not agree, compromise and then respect the commitments you make.
One
healthy rule for discussing values is to honor all values.
Everyone is right about his/her own values; no one gets to “be right.” Setting
family values, and then priorities, are about the three”Cs”:
-
communication,
-
compromise
-
communication
Your
values as parents shape your parenting vision, which is the picture you see of how you want
your family to be. While values are the terrain, your vision becomes the road along which
you navigate.
Vision for your family
Your vision for your family consists of the
little things (like what you feed your bodies) to spiritual aspects of
life - like what you feed your soul.
What
emotional expressions are allowed in your house?
What
emotional atmosphere are you willing to cultivate in the family?
Can
people talk together?
How
do you discipline?
What
do you care about?
What
do you like to do together?
How
will you and your children spend their time?
What
do expect of one another?
I realize that these questions seem obvious. Yet, people
get married each day without having discussed whether they even want children. The romantic bliss of love and bonding makes
us believe that it will all work out and that, because we love each other, we will agree with each other or deal with it as
it comes along.
This
is how many people live together in families, existing blissfully or numbly until a crisis hits. Then they live from crisis
to crisis. Then arguing starts and children wonder if a divorce is pending. Emotional toxicity and fear replace communication
and love.
Defining your values - and envisioning
what you want your relationship and your family to be - will provide a plan in which all can feel safe and committed to the same goals.
Dr. Caron Goode is the founder of the Academy
for Coaching Parents International, a training schools for those who to be a professional parent coach (http://www.acpi.biz)
See Caron’s new book new book, Help Kids Cope with Stress & Trauma at http://www.InspiredParenting.net.
source site: click here
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