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 April 11, 2004
Of what value is it? Part 1 of 2
Over the last couple of decades, I have been both
student and teacher - reading, listening, and integrating a wealth of knowledge about metaphysics and spiritual evolution.
Today, I ask myself, “Of what value was it?” I expended thousands of hours and dollars in constant pursuit of
what I thought was my path. What is my ROI – return on investment?
With the exception of a very few lessons and experiences,
the ROI is negligible with respect to having really moved me forward, in contrast to circling in ever widening circles. To
be sure, much of what I learned and experienced was both “interesting” and “informative,” but of no
real value in transforming the quality of my life. This assessment is made in spite of exposure to some of the most revered
spiritual luminaries, living and passed, as well as several jolts from the man in the street. Why didn’t what they taught
me and so many others “take?”
It was not from my reluctance to being open to them
or their teachings. It was not from my unwillingness to pay attention; although, I admit to occasional inattention and frequent
monkey-mind lapses. And it certainly was not from an arrogant belief that they had nothing to teach me. Why did I continue
to expand my circling around spiritual evolution instead of moving forward in a linear fashion, sinuous as it might be?
Before answering my own question, I wish to say that
I was aware that I was not moving forward. The fear, frustration, depression, and oftentimes anger, that drove me to continually
seek “the” way to transform myself, remained throughout much of this period, even though during it I began writing
and teaching about spiritual transformation. Lest you judge me as hypocritical in this respect, I completely believed at the
time that I was providing a useful service to others in spite of my own lack of enlightenment, and that what I had to say
was of value. Based on the responses received from readers and people that I taught or coached, there is some evidence to
support that claim. But, was I just another “source” that widened others’ circles? (I don’t know the
answer to that for we never know which word or act may indeed help someone to snap out of his or her circle and move toward
the Light; my suspicion is that I have helped a few people to break out of their circles, and I am honored to have done that
even if only one person truly benefited.)
With respect to the question of why I continued to
circle for so long… the answer lies in my not applying what I learned. My pile of books and tapes along with
the hours of “sitting” at the feet of various gurus were simply wasted for the most part, because I expected that
reading the books, playing the tapes, listening to the gurus, and performing rituals and practices would somehow transform
me. I kept placing myself in the spiritual microwave and cooking my soul in the hopes that my life would change, hopefully
for the better …whatever I thought that might be at the time.
The answer lies in my head shaping my
heart.
I am a linear, left-brained, person – a thinker.
It is that with which I was born, and it is that with which I will die. Being logical and curious - having to “know”
at the level of mind before I accept is both a blessing and a curse. Being a thinker does not mean that I always have to be
thinking. Even for a thinker, it is possible to release to my heart, and to accept in a far different fashion than logical
thought. When my head shaped my heart, my head expected my heart to line up with its brilliant logic and carry out its marching
orders. My head told my heart that if I read the Tao de Ching enough times that, although I did not understand most
of it, I would somehow inculcate its lessons into my life, and I would transform. The head to heart communication channel
is unidirectional and southbound. My head was not really interested in what my heart had to say; after all, my head had already
done all of the work, and all my heart had to do was fall in line and transform my life.
Well, my head was right about one thing: it was my
heart that had to transform my life. The problem was that my heart was NOT going to take directions from my head. When I realized
that the most inclusive, insightful logic that I could develop was not getting the job done, I surrendered to my heart
out of desperation.
It all happened when I met the woman who is now my
partner, or perhaps, it is more accurate to say when we met again after an absence of almost twenty years. Meeting each other
again after all of those years is another story. The relevance of her reentering my life after two decades is that she is
the first person to unconditionally love me as an adult. To say that I was smitten by her is an understatement. Believe me,
if you are fortunate enough to have someone, man or woman, love you unconditionally, you will know how powerful the attraction
is.
I thought (my head shaping heart again) that I loved
her unconditionally as well. When she told me that I did not AND that it did not matter, I was incredulous (which in retrospect
proved that I did not love her unconditionally, but I was so “headstrong,” I had no awareness of what my heart
was trying to tell me). When I finally listened to my heart and knew that although I wanted to love her unconditionally (a
head determination), I did not know how. Here I was a teacher of sorts stumping on the trail of the necessity of unconditional
love for spiritual evolution, and I did not know what it was. I could only tell you my “concept” of it; I was
not living it.
It was this realization that motivated me to declare
that I would find my way to unconditionally love her – not that I had to but that
I needed so much to completely connect with her, and my unconditional love for her was necessary to that
connection. I did not have a clue as to how to truly unconditionally love her. In fact, we sat on the balcony of a hotel in
Sedona watching a beautiful sunset on the day of the harmonic concordance in 2003, and I lamented that if I could love her
unconditionally, I would, but I did not know how. I committed then and there to unconditionally loving her, whatever it took.
Since then, some six months later, I am so happy
to say that I found my way to loving her unconditionally. The resulting connection that I have with her is indescribable so
I won’t even try. Suffice it to say that we are leading a life of bliss, fulfillment, and harmony although we have had
(and continue to have) many trials that are great lessons, and each one strengthens our relationship. We have essentially
melded into one entity. How did this come about?
Heart shapes head.
When I finally started listening to my heart and
allowing it to shape my head, what I needed to do to release the blocks that kept me from unconditionally loving her (and
myself) became clear. As I have repeatedly admonished my readers and clients, spiritual evolution is simple but not
easy. Now, I finally understand the true meaning of that statement and have consequently transformed who I am.
As for you, my beloved readers, I truly wish that
I could describe to you a three-step (or whatever) process for allowing your heart to shape your head; I cannot, for allowing
your heart to shape your head is something that only you can do and each person’s “way” of getting there
is unique and personal. I can tell you that doing so for me began with a powerful need to love unconditionally and the resolve
to do so. If you sincerely ask Spirit to help you, have faith, and pay attention to the lessons that come forth, you will
hear the voice of your heart and then you will know what to do. That is the most I can tell you. When you learn to shape your
head with your heart, your life will change in the most wonderful ways imaginable.
My proposal to you is: if you are
truly committed to evolving spiritually, ask, “Of what value is it?” each time you consider expending energy to
explore a “method” for releasing the blocks to truly loving unconditionally. If the method does not lead
to listening to your heart, look elsewhere. There are many teachers, methods, and processes that can help you to learn to
listen to your heart. You only need the willingness to do so, and then remain committed to doing the work. Simply buying a
carpenter’s tool kit does not get a house built.
May you be well and discern with compassion…
Ron McCray
source site: click here
posted with the permission of the author
Of what value is it?
Part 2 of 2
May 11, 2004
In Part 1 of this two part series, I discussed the
value (or lack thereof) of spiritual pursuits that did not lead to healing myself; rather, they often took me into ever-widening
circles that eventually lead nowhere. Although I actively pursued a spiritual path for almost two decades through all manner
of learning experiences, my life was not transforming to provide the harmony and fulfillment that I so badly needed. Then
I met a very special woman who became not only my partner but was the first person in my adult life to love me unconditionally.
When I met her I believed that I had healed myself of the major blockages that had previously prevented me from loving unconditionally
– she taught me that this was not the case. I so wanted to be fully connected to her that I became committed to healing
the blockages that stood between us. I, much to my joy, did heal them when I discovered that all of those years, my head shaped
my heart. When my heart began shaping my head, the blockages became obvious and were eventually cleared. Only then were we
able to be with each other, in ways that I never imagined possible. I finally found that to live in my passion is what really
makes my life worth living. She is my passion, and I hers. If you are not living in your passion, read on.
Of what value is it - life itself?
I can’t get any more fundamental about the
human experience than this question. Whatever the answer, it is the reason(s) why we stick around. You could easily say; what,
do I have a choice to stick around? Well… of course you do. Obviously some folks consciously choose to end their lives
through suicide and there are still others who unconsciously choose to die lingering, often painful deaths by way of some
physical means, usually through dis-ease. There are some whose contracts are about dying at a particular time in support of
those who continue to stay. So, yes, for everyone who is alive at this moment, there are one or more reasons to continue living.
There is a value to life for us all.
For each of us, I think that knowing the reason…
the value for our life is most instructive as we continue down our path.
Without life, there is nothing. Obviously
on this side of the veil, death dissolves the veil and we return to where we started; the human adventure for this round is
over. That is, I no longer experience life as I have known it – rather, it is an entirely different existence that does
not parallel being human. If I die unconnected and unhealed, I did not find my way back home, thereby eliminating my reunion
with God on this side of the veil. Either way is okay… there is no judgment, only opportunity.
This, I know, is my “way” and I came
upon it after my first fifty years into this life. What did I layer on top of the real value of my life before I began to
awaken? Well, it is a list which is not completely complimentary, but it is nonetheless an accurate one. So, with no apologies,
these were the chief layers of “value” that obscured the real value of my life – to reconnect with the One.
Ron’s list of values before awakening:
• Making as much money as I could without much concern
for how I did it
• Having a house and other toys that others would “look up to” and admire
•
My clothes (anyone who knows me now will find this very funny!)
• Sex without much regard as to how I felt about
my partner
• Having control, power, and influence over others
• Being recognized as more “successful”
than my peers
In short the above part of the list was
superficial… but there were other values that were in the right direction…
• Being with and loving my son
• My relationship
with my sister
• A vague, but persistent feeling that there was more to life than I was
experiencing
Given the lopsided nature of my “before”
list, it is interesting that I stayed around. In fact, before and after I began to awaken, I considered leaving many times.
There did not seem to be enough value for me to stay. In fact, I felt much like Jimmy Stewart’s character in It’s
a Wonderful Life, although I was too cowardly to contemplate jumping into a freezing river! I believe that what kept me here
was my love for my son and the vague possibility that life could be of more value than I was experiencing. As to how to realize
that possibility, I had not a clue for over fifty years.
That possibility led to immersing myself in personal
growth and eventually spiritual experiences that created the ever-widening circle that I discussed in Part 1. This topic of
“Of what value is it?” presented a chicken and egg dilemma, and I chose to first write about healing and reconnecting,
and my motivation to do so second. You could read these two parts in either order, yet the question remains the same: Of what
value is it?
Even after I awakened, I stumbled around like someone
who gets out of bed in the middle of the night and is neither still asleep nor wide awake. I bumped into enough figurative
doors and furniture to end up covered with emotional bruises. How I eventually found the light switch and turned the Light
on is another story, and I previously wrote about it in bits and pieces. How I did it is not important to anyone but me as
we all need to find our individual paths. My “story” may occur as profound or boring, but it is mine and mine
alone as is yours. Unfortunately, there are no “Paths ‘r Us” stores where we can find an appealing, neatly
packaged path to follow.
The only potential lesson for you from my experience
is that if I did it, you can too, for there was nothing special about me other than my eventual resolve to have my life transform.
Ron’s list of values “after”
connecting…
• Being able to love unconditionally – it makes
everything else worthwhile
• Being with my partner and sharing our lives together, striving to and often
achieving
unity
• Supporting others in finding their “ways”
• Being in relationship with members of my
soul group
• Appreciating this wonderful planet-home that Mother Earth provides
I certainly am not omitting my son or my sister
from the list; being able to now love them unconditionally adds huge value to my life and our relationships overall.
So there you have it – closure to the question,
“Of what value is it?” My modest proposal to you is to honestly ask yourself, “What are you living for?”
Take whatever comes to mind and ask the question, “Of what value would your life be without it?” I can assure
you that whatever answers you receive will be most instructive, possibly lighting the path to your “way” home.
May you be well and discern with compassion…
Ron
McCray
source site: click here
posted with the permission of the
author
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Values: What Are They Really?
By
Joanna Sherwell
There is much use of the word ‘values’
in the personal development industry. It flies around as often as the word ‘coffee’. But on speaking to people
who are just beginning their journey into self development, or others who are not qualified as coaches or NLP Practitioners,
the word seems to be somewhat hollow. They nod and give a faint “mmm” at the mention of values,
and then in secret they say to me, ‘Exactly what do you mean when you ask me about my values?’
What we do, how we behave, and how we think is directed by our core values which have developed within us of their own accord throughout
our lives, and are the strongest and deepest parts of our personality. We create our values
based on our environment, our upbringing and our experiences. We decide what is most important to us based on what we see,
hear and feel in our world.
When we become aware of our values and shape our lives to be aligned with them, we experience great fulfillment,
happiness and energy towards each new day because we are tapping into the mechanics of what makes us tick, and using it to
drive us forward.
An example of someone consciously living their values
(knowing what’s important to them and designing their life around those points) is
an athlete. We could assume that the values of an athlete would be health, success, achievement, and recognition and they live their values by training each day (health), competing (success & achievement)
and winning (recognition).
Knowing this person’s values we could
assume that they would not be drawn towards a career as a truck driver or receptionist because well… they would be absolutely
miserable.
As the author of this article I’d like to give you a personal account
of how discovering and tapping into my values has completely turned my life around, and
resulted in the feeling that I am truly living my purpose. On the flipside of this I’ll describe a time in my life when
I was living in an environment which clashed strongly with my values and how it made me
incredibly sick for many months.
My top 5 values are:
- Growth
- Health
- Connection
- Fun
- Contribution
To translate this, it means that the most important things to me in life
are growing as a person, taking care of my body and mind through diet and exercise, deeply connecting with others, always
having fun in everything I do, and contributing to the world in as many ways as possible.
To
give you an idea of how it can affect you if you don’t live your life by your values
I’ll tell you a story about what I went through about a year ago. I was living at my mother in law’s house for
6 months while settling my current property.
Being that I value taking care of myself, the environment and everything in it, and these things are supremely important to me, it was a shock to
my system when I realized that my mother in law had very little environmental consciousness - in the midst of a serious drought
in our city she was the worst water water I had ever seen, doesn’t recycle at all, and is disgusted by animals even
telling me a story once of throwing her dog over the fence.
Living in an environment like
this clashed strongly with my values. My two top values
of growth and health extend out to the environment in my map of the world, connection with her was absolutely non existent,
it was definitely was no fun living there, and my attempts to contribute to the family or the environment were constantly
ridiculed.
So you can understand why this would create a serious clash of the deepest parts of my personality, my core values
in which I had shaped my life around for many years. Conversely having me living in her household was cashing with her values and caused her considerable stress as well.
On the flipside,
to give you an idea of how I live my life now that I’m aware of my values, my business
as a Life Coach taps into all of these. My work with clients and myself is based on personal and professional growth, I live
very healthily, I’m connecting with people on a really deep level in my work and relationships, building the business is fun and creative, and I do it all
knowing that I’m contributing to the lives of others, the environment, and my future family security. My actions are aligned with my core values and it really does feel amazing.
So my question to you is do you know your values?
Once we know our values there’s
so much we can do with this information. We can change the order of them; for example
Contribution used to be my top value which
meant that I put everyone else before my health. When I made the decision to put health as my number
1 value many things in my external world changed and I was actually able to contribute even more. Change the order to what suits you best to reach your goals and live your full potential, and it can power you forward in your life.
The following exercise will help you identify your core values. For this exercise let yourself write fluidly any words that come to mind. You will eventually get
to a point where one word stands out and feels strong for you. This is one of your core values. It’s ideal to find 5
main words which represent your top values.
The question
to ask yourself is; What’s important to you about…?
Use categories such as:
- LIFE
- CAREER
- RELATIONSHIPS
- MONEY
- SPIRITUALITY
and list all the words that come up for you. You will notice that some words keep coming up repeatedly
and feel stronger than other words. They may feel like they sum up what's really important to you about that area of your
life. This word is one of your core values.
We can also
find out HOW we are currently living our values and how we could live them even more,
creating more of that elusive happiness and fulfillment we all want.
So lets do an exercise
to identify what percentage you feel you are currently living each value, and what
you can implement into your life starting today to experience the true sense of fulfillment that comes from living your values.
What percentage are you living your number 1 value
right now… be honest
Step 1. Value:
Step 2. Percentage you’re living this value now:
Step 3. What are you currently doing to live this value: (what in your life taps into this value?)
Step
4. What do you need to do to more of to really live this value: (what can you bring into your life or do more of?)
There's
a lot of information to digest here and it may be worth doing this exercise now and then coming back to it in a few weeks time to notice what has changed and what areas you still need to work on.
Whatever you do with it, I encourage you to find out what your values are, find out what’s most important to you in your life, and start pitting in place strategies
to bring those things into your environment. Sometimes the smallest change in one or two areas of your life can create the most amazing transformation.
Live and love your life, and always strive to live it even more!
Author's
Bio: Joanna Sherwell is a qualified
Life Coach and NLP Practitioner in Melbourne, and is passionate about assisting people to unleash their true human potential.
She works with clients throughout Australia via phone coaching and Skype. She is also in the process of writing 3 books and
expanding her property portfolio. Visit www.untappedpotential.com.au to find out more about Joanna
and contact her about unleashing your full potential.
source site: click here
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